


Not Without Sin

by WordGeek



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Aliens Make Them Do It, Angst, Break Up, Confessions, Dubious Consent, Episode Related, Episode: s02e19 One False Step, Episode: s03e10 Forever in a Day, Episode: s03e11 Past and Present, Exhibitionism, First Time, Guilt, Infidelity, M/M, Marking, Missing Scene, Outing, Partner Betrayal, Public Sex, Wordcount: Over 40.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-22
Updated: 2007-05-22
Packaged: 2017-10-10 00:40:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 42,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/93359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordGeek/pseuds/WordGeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From here on out, the subject of my wife... does not belong in our bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Without Sin

SG-1 was late coming back. Not late enough for their codes to have been locked out, but enough that a med team was called to the gate room just on general principles.

Sam came through first, followed closely by Teal'c and Daniel, supporting a heavy and mostly-unconscious Jack between them. They reluctantly surrendered their charge to the waiting orderlies, Daniel staying close by Jack's gurney as he was whisked out the doors headed for the infirmary, and Sam and Teal'c following the General to his office for the preliminary debriefing.

Janet performed triage as they entered the elevator, checking Jack's pupil responses, pulse, and evaluating his condition as best she could while on the move. "I can't find an obvious injury, other than these lacerations on his wrists. How long has he been unconscious?" she demanded over her shoulder.

"Fifteen cc's of morphine less than two hours ago," Daniel replied tightly. He knew that made no sense, that she'd challenge it. He stood nearby but out of the way, waiting.

She turned then, and looked up at him, questions in her eyes and poised on her lips. When she saw Daniel's expression, she hesitated.

He shook his head imperceptibly, begging her with his eyes not to voice the next inquiry in front of the orderlies, as bits and pieces of the last eighteen hours flashed through his brain.

_"I estimate O'Neill's FishPeople outnumber us by more than twenty to one," Teal'c supplied under his breath.  
_  
_Daniel watched Jack frown and knew from experience that he was weighing all the 'fight our way out of it' options, now that they'd been relieved of their weapons by the race he'd nicknamed 'FishPeople'. He saw when Jack finally accepted there were none.  
_  
_"Fine. King SquidPants said he'd let the rest of you go if I stay; that's probably the best deal we're gonna get. Be quick about it."  
__  
_At that moment, the elevator doors opened, and Fraiser issued orders to get the Colonel into bed three before Daniel pulled her aside and whispered urgently, "It would be better if you examined him alone."

She frowned and pushed him into her office, closing the door behind her. "What do you mean giving him morphine, if he didn't have a life-threatening injury?" she snapped.

"I didn't do it," Daniel replied tightly. "Jack gave it to himself."

"What? Why?"

He didn't want to tell her; he'd've given anything for it not to be necessary. But now that the deed was done, their only option was damage control. "He was afraid he'd hurt me."

"Hurt you? Daniel, you're not making any sense-"

"Look, medically, he's fine," Daniel interrupted, rubbing his forehead with his thumb. "He just needs some time to sleep it off. But I don't think he'll want anybody but you examining him. Please, Janet, you've got to trust me!"

"Daniel, what on earth-"

"I had to have sex with him!" he interrupted harshly.  
_  
__"Sir, it doesn't have to be this way. I'm willing to-"  
_  
_"That's an order, Captain. Get your stuff together and move out."  
_  
_"We can't just leave you!"  
_  
_"You'll follow my order, Captain Carter, or I'll go over your head to the big guy here."  
_  
_"But-"  
_  
_Jack plowed right over Sam's objections. "Teal'c, it's your responsibility to see that these two get back through the gate in one piece; have Hammond lock this planet out of the dialing computer. You got that?"  
_  
_"We can't, sir; we've got to try to establish peaceful relations; the Pentagon's desperate for the mining rights-"_

Janet was stunned into silence, and the expression on her face made Daniel feel about two inches tall.

"It's a long story," he whispered in a strangled voice. "There was no other way to get us all off that planet alive." He swallowed hard and looked at her beseechingly. _"Please..._ give him a little dignity and help me keep this as quiet as possible."

She reached out and squeezed his arm and nodded, then hurried out to her patient, barking orders that sent people scurrying.

Daniel stood in the doorway to her office, watching Janet drag the privacy screen around Jack's bed and shooing all but one male RN away. Daniel could see pieces of Jack's uniform falling to the floor as they removed it. He didn't think she'd find any trauma other than the lacerations on Jack's wrists; he'd tried to be so careful with the trust that Jack had given him, to take his time, prepare him...

_"You don't get it, do you?" Jack hissed, stalking back three steps and pulling him aside. "The military has rules about this kind of thing. It's simply Not. An. Option."  
_  
_"But Sam already said she'd be okay with it, if the Djorrn would go for the switch!"  
_  
_"Not her choice to make; this kinda thing'll ruin both our careers in a heartbeat. My command decision stands," he snapped, canting his head to the left. "I'm asking you to respect that for the novelty value alone and get away from these lunatic FishPeople as fast as you can!"  
_  
_He shook his head stubbornly. "Can't do it. Not when there are other options."  
_  
_"Daniel, there are NO other options," Jack said through clenched teeth. "Will you follow my goddamned orders for a change?!"  
_  
_"What about Teal'c? Or me? We're not military."  
_  
_"What? NO!"  
_  
_"Why the hell not?"  
_  
_"Daniel," Jack said with patience strained to its limit. "This isn't one of Machello's kinky body-swapping exercises. I took an oath. They made Teal'c take the same damned oath, for cryin' out loud!"  
_  
_"Okay, fine. The Air Force doesn't have its brand on me; I didn't take any stupid oath, let me do it."_

Daniel watched the activity behind the privacy curtain, unconsciously rubbing the sweaty palm of his left hand against the rough edges of the front pocket of his Tac vest. Every time he moved, he could smell Jack on him. Janet had promised that she'd be the only one to examine him, and the nurse she'd had helping her cut Jack's uniform off had been sent on an errand as soon as they'd stripped him; before the exam itself was started.

Before anything incriminating could be found.

_"Jack, I'm not gonna let you die over something so petty!"  
_  
_"It's not petty to me, Daniel! There are things you don't understand, reasons-"  
_  
_"I think I can imagine the reasons," he whispered. "I get it. It won't be like that with me. In the field, you all protect me like I'm some kind of blushing virgin, but I'm not. I know what I'm doing, and I won't hurt you. I'll be gentle. Please, Jack, I can take care of this, if you just let me."_

"I'm so sorry, Jack," Daniel muttered under his breath. The stench of the sun lotion they'd used as lube filled his nose. His mouth still tasted like Jack's skin, forbidden flavors stolen from an unwilling pawn in interplanetary diplomacy.

_"God damn it, Daniel, this isn't a conversation we can be having!"  
_  
_He put his hand on Jack's shoulder and squeezed. "Let me do this for you," he whispered. "Since I'm a civilian, I can be the aggressor, and it can all go down as being against your will. I can't be court-martialed, you'll be in the clear, we'll get the mining rights, and life will go on."  
__  
_No amount of any kind of rock was worth this. His only consolation was that once Jack woke up, and they finished the debrief and were dismissed, he and Jack could get good and drunk, talk their way all around it, and gradually try to get back to the weirdness that passed for normal between them.

Janet exited the curtained area, pulling off her gloves. When she saw Daniel, she tossed them in the trash and headed his way. "My cursory examination shows no injuries except for some minor local irritation and the lacerations on his wrists."

Daniel nodded. "Zip ties," he whispered guiltily, unable to meet her eyes. "Because of his... because of before. He was afraid he'd hurt me unless he was restrained."

Janet nodded her understanding; she knew about some of the Colonel's past, but she couldn't hazard a guess as to how well he'd handle it when he awoke, or how this would affect the team's performance in the future. "I cleaned him up, Daniel, but I'll have to put it in my report."

"I know. I-"he kept his eyes trained on the stethoscope around her neck. "Look, maybe this can be one of those reports that gets 'restricted' stamped all over it," he said hopefully. "Maybe no one but the General has to know."

"I'll do what I can," she promised him. "Why don't you take the bed next to his so I can start your exam?"

*****

Jack started to come around amid the sounds of whispered voices. He lay still and quiet, trying to get his bearings, doing a threat assessment.

"No, Sam!"

"He'll be coming out of it soon, Daniel. We have to tell him. There was no way to keep it out of the reports."

"I promised him it was just the two of us... when he finds out the FishPeople made you both watch..."

"It was unavoidable, Daniel Jackson. But I give you my blood oath it will never be spoken of again."

So. It wasn't a dream. He'd actually dropped his pants in front of those fish bastards and let Daniel fuck him. And now, his shame wasn't even private. Not only was there going to be the usual debriefing and mission report, but the rest of his team had been forced to watch the whole thing. Son of a _bitch._  
_  
__"You're married; have you forgotten that?"  
_  
_Daniel scowled. "No, of course I haven't forgotten, and that was low, even for you."  
_  
_"Whatever it takes to get through that thick skull of yours!"  
_  
_"Well, it didn't work, because my thick skull still thinks your plan stinks!"  
_  
_Daniel turned to Teal'c, who stood alert and ready as always. "Wha'd'ya think, Teal'c, isn't it better to play along with the Djorrn's infantile, moronic conditions than leave Jack here forever? Once we step through that gate, my guess is no one is ever coming back through."  
_  
_"It does seem like a reasonable option, O'Neill," Teal'c offered softly. "I too, offer my services to satisfy the infantile, moronic conditions. If the Tau'ri cannot abide my choice to aid a fellow warrior, then my oath to serve at your side is of no value."  
_  
_He shook his head. "Can't let ya do it. The NID's just itchin' for a reason to haul your ass into a lab for dissection, Teal'c. So far the only thing keepin' you from that is the oath you took. It's what makes you one of us."  
_  
_"Then it's me," Daniel said quietly.  
_  
Not only did the rest of the team know Daniel had fucked him, but they'd actually seen the whole thing up close and personal. Unacceptable. They'd never be able to respect him again. There was no way he could face his team with this between them, with all of them knowing that he knew...  
_  
__"There's supposed to be a clear command structure here; when did this turn into a fuckin' democracy?" he bit off angrily under his breath.  
_  
_"The minute you decided to sacrifice yourself for the three of us," Carter replied firmly.  
_  
_"You think you've got the market cornered on selfless acts?" Daniel asked. He looked at the other two and gathered their reluctant agreement. More gently, he added, "You've taught us the team looks out for their own. Decision's made."  
_  
How had this all gotten so out of hand? Exactly when had the mutiny occurred?

They heard Jack groan and moved hurriedly to his side.

"Jack?" Daniel's face betrayed his state of concern.

"I'll get Janet," Sam said, hurrying away.

"Oy. Did ya get the number of the truck that hit me?"

"Morphine hangover," Daniel replied, offering Jack an ice chip.

Jack moved the ice around his mouth until it melted, using the time to take note of Daniel's nervousness. "What the hell happened?" he asked groggily.

Daniel gave Teal'c a worried glance. "Um, what's the-ah, last thing you remember?"

Jack frowned, rubbing his temple, then held his left wrist up in front of him. There were bandages wrapped around it, same with the right. "Zip ties... morphine."

Daniel bit his lip. "Nothing after that?"

Jack let his arms drop heavily to the bed and glanced at Teal'c before he looked straight at Daniel. He shook his head slowly. "No, but based on the way my ass feels, I'd have to assume we went with plan A."

Daniel winced and nodded, his eyes downcast, mostly hidden by his long hair and glasses.

"Daniel...?"

"All right, everybody out while I examine my patient," Janet announced, using her no-nonsense voice.

Behind her, Jack saw Carter wave as she urged Daniel away with a gentle hand on his shoulder. Teal'c inclined his head, then he too, left.

Janet pulled the curtain around the bed and started his exam.

*****

Later that day, Hammond handled the full debriefing with utmost discretion, interviewing each member of SG-1 separately. Teal'c was his usual stoic self, reporting on the inhabitants' numbers and the apparent lack of Goa'uld involvement. Only when he'd finished his formal report did he soften his voice to speak the rest. "I have given my blood oath to Daniel Jackson that the rest of what transpired on PX5-291 would never be spoken of again."

Hammond nodded. "I respect that, Teal'c, and I know Doctor Jackson and Colonel O'Neill will too. In light of what you were forced to witness, though-"

"I have no wish to revisit that planet, but what transpired there has in no way affected my desire to serve the Tau'ri with SG-1, General Hammond."

Hammond appraised the warrior in front of him, then nodded. "Very well, Teal'c. That'll be all."

Captain Carter was similarly succinct with her report on the alien's level of technology and threat assessment. "PX5-291 is the richest source of near-weapon's grade Naquada we've come across yet, General, and the native population apparently have no use for it whatsoever. The Djorrn have assured us that Colonel O'Neill's offense has been atoned for, and all subsequent teams will be met with courtesy. They're really anxious for the cultural exchange. More than any of the standard stuff we typically offer."

Hammond frowned. "Is it your estimation that we can trust the Djorrn to honor this agreement? I can't have this kind of thing happening to the next team that accompanies the geologists to set up the mining operation."

"Well, sir, they're certainly not my favorite people, but the king himself assured us that the only reason the... punishment had to play out was because the offense had been overheard by so many members of the royal court. I'm sure it was a face-saving measure, sir. Properly briefed, subsequent SG teams should have no similar difficulties."

Now to the hard question. "How do you feel about continuing to serve with SG-1?"

"No qualms whatsoever, sir," she answered immediately. "I think they were incredibly brave to do what they did so that we could all get home, and I have only the highest respect for Daniel and Colonel O'Neill, both. Nothing that happened on 291 has changed that."

His interview with Doctor Jackson was a more difficult line to walk. It wasn't simply a matter of two individuals deciding to violate don't ask/don't tell. Doctor Fraiser had confirmed what he'd already suspected; both men had been forced into actions they would not ordinarily have taken, and she felt it likely that when all was said and done, the whole of SG-1 was going to need extensive therapy to deal with the psychological trauma received on PX5-291.

Doctor Jackson's demeanor gave no hint as to the ordeal he'd suffered hours before. He was completely relaxed and composed as he described the Djorrn culture as best he could, explaining his theory that they were most likely an offshoot of Nem's race, but without Nem's dubious sense of civility. "On Oannes, once he and I had a common frame of reference, Nem learned the intricacies of our speech in record time. I had a suspicion there might be a connection with the Djorrn, but I apparently didn't bring that to Jack's attention quickly enough," he said wryly. "And that's where the problems started."

"I have to ask - what exactly did Colonel O'Neill do that offended them so horrifically?"

Daniel cleared his throat nervously as he fidgeted in his seat a little. "Not knowing the Djorrn were becoming fluent in our language, just by listening to us converse with each other, Jack used a common idiom which called into question the King's... sexual habits. Regarding his, um, mother."

Hammond sighed. "I see."

"Apparently, the Djorrn understood enough to be thoroughly offended. They were perfectly cordial once it was over, though; almost like it had never happened."

Hammond blew out a breath. "It's never a good idea to insult someone's mother," he said.

"No, sir," Daniel agreed.

Hammond looked at the young man in the visitor's chair. "Would it make you feel more comfortable to transfer to another team, son?"

"No, sir. Not at all." Daniel straightened in his seat. "I figure once Jack's released from the infirmary, we'll get drunk over pizza and hockey, and it'll be water under the bridge at that point. Really, sir, this doesn't need to split up SG-1."

*****

The following morning, Fraiser released Jack from the infirmary, and Jack reported to the General for debriefing. He reported no clear memories much past the point of his self-injection, and managed to look surprised and a little disgusted when the General informed him that the rest of his team had been forced to witness the event.

"Have any of my team requested reassignment, sir?" he asked quietly.

"Nary a one, Colonel." George noticed Jack sat up a little straighter in his chair with pride in his team. "Jack, I'd understand if you feel that you and Doctor Jackson might have difficulties working together going forward. SG-1 is my flagship team, but I can't even begin to imagine just how awkward it'll be-- for your entire team, really, but for you and him especially. If you have the slightest bit of apprehension-"

Jack used his patented butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-mouth expression. "I beg your pardon, sir, but it's hard for me to imagine too, sir, since I've got absolutely no recollection of the event at all."

George's expression softened. "How are you doing, Jack? This can't've been easy for you."

"No, sir, it wasn't. On the other hand, Daniel did his utmost to make sure none of those memories were triggered. And of course, the morphine helped. General, if I may, SG-1 is like a family. We've been through a helluva lot in the nearly three years we've been goin' out there. And I think that's what got all of us through this-- the fact that we're family, and we'd do anything for each other."

George nodded, back in command mode. "Is it your opinion that the events which transpired on 291 will in no way cause any animosity between the two of you? I don't want latent issues to crop up down the road, in the middle of a mission."

"Neither do I, sir; that would just purely suck. Daniel didn't want to... do what he did. It was a do or die situation, and he came through for the team under some pretty unfortunate circumstances. He acted calmly, in direct support and defense of a team member, and I'm damned grateful he did; I didn't relish the thought of spending the rest of my days as the unwilling guest of the sushi monsters. And to answer your question more directly, I have absolutely no qualms whatsoever about working with Daniel going forward."

George thanked him, then sent him on his way to see MacKenzie. Nothing could be decided about the fate of SG-1 until he got the psychiatrist's evaluation of their mental health, following the harrowing events they'd experienced.

One by one, they each sat through a MacKenzie interview, and one by one, they were adamant that nothing needed to change, that despite the temporary awkwardness, they each felt they could continue to work together effectively.

When it was Jack's turn, he assumed his best military persona. He figured he'd really earned the Academy Award when MacKenzie released him after only one unproductive interview. Even the shrink had to admit he was probably okay for duty; kinda hard to have post-traumatic stress, when you have no actual memory of the traumatic event.

So, with Fraiser's concerns overruled, and MacKenzie's blessing secured, SG-1 was put back on the active duty roster and ordered to show up on Monday morning next, first thing.

On Saturday night, they met at O'Malley's and re-bonded over beer and the all-you-can-eat Buffalo wing special. Teal'c passed on the beer but tried the wings and was instantly hooked; he was especially enamored of the blue cheese dip. None of them had ever seen anybody pack away so many Buffalo wings so fast.

After the first round, Daniel was very mellow, and Carter loosened up after her second. Teal'c's main concern was that the waitress kept the wings coming. By the end of the evening, SG-1 was back in the saddle. Jack was able to convince them that because he had no memory at all of the incident, there was no reason to walk on eggshells around him; for him, it might just as well not have happened.

Their heads together over a private corner table, they talked quietly about their upcoming mission, which led to speculation about the new reconnaissance UAV, and soon Carter lulled them all with familiar techno-babble, and that seemed to break the ice even more.

SG-1 was once again one, big, happy family.

*****

Their next mission out was the recon of PJ2-445, which was the maiden voyage of the new UAV. It was a pretty unremarkable mission, up until the UAV crashed, and they had to go looking for it. It wasn't long afterward that all the little white naked guys started dropping like flies; Fraiser took one of them back with her, to see if she and Carter could figure out why, while the rest of them stayed planet side.

Five hours into the mission was just about when Jack's carefully built façade started to crumble.

"And the two of you will be fine?" Teal'c asked, with all the subtlety of a Mack truck.

Jack's impatience with them and the whole damned place was nearing the boiling point. "Yeah, yeah, we'll be okay. I'm gonna stick around and work on this quarantine thing with Plant Boy here."

Daniel and Teal'c both gave him the Evil Eye for that smartass little remark, but he shooed Teal'c on his way to make the report to Hammond and proceeded to heckle Daniel until Daniel heckled back. He ran a perimeter check while Daniel cooled off, and then he came back and did it all over again. Being there felt like itching powder under his skin; he couldn't seem to help it. He spent some time wandering aimlessly around the inside of the main hut, until the natives became restless with his mumbling and pacing and started to head outside.

Trying to keep them herded inside the structure proved increasingly difficult, especially in his already pissed-off mood, so he finally gave up. "Fine. Knock yourself out. Go play in the street. Don't forget your sun block."

He walked up to Daniel and demanded, "Why aren't you helping me?", which led to a discussion about what Jack called 'rumors, lies, and fairytales'. That escalated into a shouting match and Daniel's little hissy fit dance, during which Jack had a hard time keeping a straight face, and which all culminated in a matching pair of splitting headaches.

By the time Teal'c came back, they were more than ready to call it a day.

Daniel got Teal'c's agreement to keep an eye on his uncooperative mystery plant, and then he and Jack headed off on the ten-mile trek back to the gate.

"Are you gonna make this?"

Biting back the abrasive reply that was on the tip of his tongue, Daniel kept walking.

Jack patted him condescendingly on the shoulder. "Come on."

This, after hours and hours of Jack being a complete ass, and a two-hour hike ahead of them, was more than Daniel could let go by unchallenged, so he rolled his shoulder away. "Fuck you."

"Oh, been there, done that," Jack replied airily, "even got the T-shirt."

"That's enough," Daniel warned, his face clouding over with anger. As they neared the edge of the woods that marked the north border of the trail back to the gate, all he could think about was his pounding headache, and getting back home and away from Jack. He lengthened his stride until he was several paces ahead of his infuriating companion.

Jack matched his stride just to piss him off. "Oh, quit your whining," he belatedly shot back. "What the hell do you have to complain about? You fuck guys all the time! What's one more?"

Daniel stopped in his tracks. "I beg your pardon?" Flustered, he gaped at Jack in astonishment. "No, I do not! Not that it's any of your damned business, but I've never had casual sex in my life; I've cared deeply for each of my partners. That was the first time I've ever had a one-off. "And if you'll remember right," his voice dripped with undisguised sarcasm, "it wasn't exactly my doing!"

"Oh, please," Jack smirked. He turned his back and resumed his pace, Daniel hustling to keep up. "_It's only sex, Jack," _he singsonged sarcastically._ "It's not the big deal you're painting it to be, Jack," _he mimicked, making a disgusted grunting sound under his breath. "Save it for your next conquest, willya?"

Never missing a step, Daniel dumped the pack he was carrying, lowered his shoulder, and rammed Jack back into the nearest hardwood, knocking the wind out of him. He got up into his startled face. "The one thing I _do_ regret is that I wasn't able to fuck some humility into you!" Daniel growled, taking Jack's mouth in a savage kiss.

Astonished at the speed with which Daniel had moved, Jack was caught completely off-balance with Daniel's full weight on him. He pushed back ineffectively with his arms and his tongue, but the wrestling only seemed to enflame Daniel more, and the friction it created between their bodies had an unfortunate effect on his own dick as Jack's body responded to the scent of aroused male, filling his nostrils and assaulting his memories. He was hard almost instantly, and he could feel Daniel's erection pressing insistently against his thigh. His hole clenched with anticipation, the guilty thrill of desire skittering up his spine as his body arched toward Daniel's of its own accord.

Daniel pulled out of the violent kiss, raking his eyes over Jack's swollen lips and blown pupils, and his mouth twisted up into a smug grin. "Maybe you want another lesson," he challenged. "Seems like you're _up_ for it..." He shifted his hip accusingly against Jack's groin. "Shame we don't have an audience this time."

That woke him up. Jack focused and shifted his feet to regain his balance. "Get off me!" he panted as he shoved Daniel away. "Not interested."

Daniel snorted, using his sleeve to wipe his mouth of their combined spit. "Liar." He adjusted his boonie, scooped up his pack, and resumed his forced march toward home. For the next eight miles, he was acutely aware of Jack following him at a discrete distance, but wisely, Jack had no more to say to him.

*****

Jack knew who was knocking at his door. He stood in the hallway, silently berating himself for not high-tailing it to the cabin the very minute they'd been released from the debrief for their seven days' downtime. The place was twenty miles up into the deep woods, the Minnesota equivalent of an unlisted number, and there was no way Daniel could've found him there.

He wondered moodily if maybe he'd subconsciously wanted Daniel to pursue him.

A confrontation at this point was a disaster in the making; he knew that by the sinking feeling in his gut. They'd done the pathetic, halting, pseudo-apology in the infirmary, but that had only served to make them more uncomfortable around each other.

Because at some point, while they'd been setting up the sound thingies on Planet NakedGuy, Jack had pawed through his memories of the FishPlanet and had finally figured out why he was being such an incredible jerk.

_"I'll take this opportunity to remind you that I'm STRAIGHT, Daniel!"  
_  
_"Yeah? Well, fortunately, I'm not. So are we good to go here?"  
_  
_"This is NOT possible!"  
_  
_"Hey! I for one don't relish the thought of getting zapped in the head with those hand-laser thingies again, do you? Look, we're not talking about having a love affair, Jack. We're simply talking about smoothing over some ruffled political feathers and satisfying their odd system of justice by engaging in what amounts to a punitive sex act. That's. ALL. We fuck, we gate home, we forget it ever happened. Life goes on. For ALL of us."  
__  
_Except that Jack couldn't forget any of it. At night, especially, it all came rushing back to him, pushing into his dreams, filling his gut with need he neither wanted nor understood.

Being alone in the same room with Daniel right now was a very, very bad idea.

*****

Daniel knew Jack was probably standing in the hallway, deciding whether or not to open the door; he could practically sense him through the thick oak. He figured Jack was having issues with what had happened, and that Daniel was most likely the last person he wanted to see right now. But that's why he'd come, to try to salvage what was left of their friendship. To find a way for SG-1 to keep functioning.

MacKenzie's quack opinion notwithstanding, the dynamic had changed between the four of them as a result of the mission to PX5-291, and the unintentional intimacy they'd experienced was a burden all of them had to bear. Whether or not SG-1 eventually broke up as a result of this, Daniel knew he'd never forget what happened.

_He sat on the floor and started unlacing his boots as Jack quietly added his own jacket to the pile beside him. "Somethin' about this you're not tellin' me?"  
_  
_"Didn't go quite the way I'd hoped."  
_  
_"Oh? And what did His Most Worshipful Asshole-ness have to say?"  
_  
_He had both boots off now, and was pulling off his socks and tucking them carefully into each boot. He looked up over his shoulder and frowned at Jack. "Let's not forget that it was you calling the ruler of the entire planet a 'motherfuckin' fish-faced turdwad' that got us into this mess, shall we?"  
_  
_"Hey! I didn't call him that until he started demanding a goddamned sex show!" Jack fumed, tossing his ball cap next to the pile of clothes Daniel was making on the floor. "My god, those people are ugly," Jack swore under his breath as he peeled off his fingerless gloves. "Besides, how was I supposed to know he'd understand me?"  
_  
_He'd surmised this branch of Djorrn could absorb language as quickly as Nem had, but that observation had come seconds too late to save them from the backlash of Jack's wisecrack. He just shook his head and set his glasses carefully on top of his pack. "You're supposed to remember I'm the team linguist and always let me do ALL the talking."  
_  
_"Let's save the spanking for when we get home, shall we?" Jack snapped as he dropped down beside Daniel to begin unlacing his boots. "Conditions?"  
_  
_He determinedly kept his gaze only on the task at hand and nervously busied himself picking lint from between his toes. "Well, I was kinda hoping to do this less than completely naked, but um- he wouldn't go for that."  
_  
_"No," Jack grimaced, tugging off his left boot and tossing it morosely across the room. "Of course he wouldn't."  
_  
_He scrambled to his feet and turned away from Jack while he un-tucked his t-shirt and pulled it off over his head. "Well, that would defeat the purpose of the demonstration," he replied with calm rationality.  
_  
_"Did ya explain to the head fish that there needs to be at least a physical attraction between two people in order for the act to even be possible?" Jack asked, looking up at him.  
_  
_He glanced over his shoulder, eyes flickering over Jack's seated form, then focused on opening his belt. "You weren't exactly beaten with an ugly stick, Jack; I'm pretty sure I can get it up."  
_  
_"Ah." Jack winced. The moment hung uncomfortably between them for long, silent moments. "Jesus, Daniel, weren't there any alternatives?"  
_  
_"Well, yeah, I guess I could've agreed to let them castrate you, but I thought that might make you cross."  
_  
_Jack grimaced. "Anything else I should know about?" he finally asked.  
_  
_He cleared his throat. "Um, yeah."  
_  
_Barefoot now, Jack wrapped his arms around his raised knees, then rested his forehead on top of them and sighed deeply. "I'm really not gonna like this next part, am I?"  
_  
_Hearing the slight waver in Jack's voice, the only sign the older man was nervous about what was to come, he replied gently, "Um, no, probably not. The good news is that we get this quasi-private undressing area to get things-" he cleared his throat again, "um, started."  
_  
_Jack shook his head in measured disbelief. "And the bad news?"  
_  
_"He wants the whole thing. Foreplay, coupling, and a visible climax. You've got to pretend you're enjoying yourself."  
_  
_Jack snorted as he raised his head. "What? No afterglow snuggling?"  
_  
_He shot Jack a surprised glance as he stepped out of his BDUs. "You're a snuggler?"  
_  
_"Shit."  
_  
_He smiled stiffly. "No, I managed to talk him outta that."  
_  
_Jack looked up at him, stricken. "You're kidding, right?"  
_  
_"Nope," he replied seriously, shaking out the bunched up leg of his pants. "Remember, these people reproduce through external fertilization, Jack, like most fish. The whole idea of intercourse, and also of recreational sex with no possibility of conception, not simply as a biological imperative, is new and very exciting to them. They're interested in everything, the more esoteric, the better. Fortunately, I was able to convince him that a scat scene required a much larger group of individuals to really be done right."  
_  
_In answer to Jack's stunned silence, he shrugged and offered, "Anthropology is a rich and varied science."  
_  
_"Ah-" Jack muttered finally. "And we're the live porn show..."  
_  
_He folded his pants and laid them on the top of his pyramid of clothes. "At least they don't seem to have the same kind of brain-sucking machine Nem did, or if they do, it hasn't occurred to them they could get the information that way. The King liked the drawings I did, and he wanted a 3D representation."  
_  
_"Well I guess the hell so! Your drawings were damn near pornographic!"  
_  
_"Being able to draw realistically is a requirement of an archeologist's training, Jack, and stop changing the subject. As soon as we're undressed, they're gonna wanna see it all."  
_  
_"Oh, of course they will..."  
_  
_Thumbs hooked in the waistband of his briefs, he frowned at Jack. "So why am I the only one gettin' naked here?"  
_  
_Jack sighed and peeled off his t-shirt, then stood to remove his pants, studiously keeping his eyes lowered.  
_  
_"I'm just gonna..." he motioned with a finger to the pallet behind Jack.  
_  
_"Yeah."  
_  
_He stripped off his last remaining garment and tossed it onto the pile, then moved to the mat on the floor, giving Jack a few minutes of privacy in which to get himself mentally prepared before they got started. Then he tried to forget about the FishPeople, so he could focus on getting himself hard enough to fuck Jack in public.  
_  
Outside Jack's house, Daniel sighed deeply and knocked again. He was determined to do whatever was necessary to help both of them get past this.

*****

There was little point trying to ignore the situation anymore, because it was clear Daniel wasn't going to let it drop. But maybe Jack could direct it, contain it somehow. After all, it was the only law of the POW: do whatever it takes to get home, then deal with the fallout on your own time.

"Crap," he muttered under his breath, then opened the door, not bothering to try to look surprised. "Daniel."

"Jack."

"We don't need to do this-"

"I beg to differ," Daniel said gruffly as he pushed past Jack and straight into the living room.

Jack closed the door with a heavy sigh. "It's over, Daniel. It was the funky squealing plants that made us say all those things. Let's just-"

"Forget it ever happened?" Daniel supplied over his shoulder, as he shrugged out of his tweed jacket and tossed it ruthlessly onto the couch. He proceeded to roll up the sleeves of his blue checked, button-down shirt, two swipes each, like he was preparing to go into battle, then shoved his hands into the pockets of his navy blue cords. He turned around expectantly, his eyes flashing tightly-controlled anger. "It's much, _much_ too late for that."

Jack winced. Whatever happened to the shy geek who was all thumbs and rolled-up charts, the one who'd been so endearingly socially unaware? Clearly, despite the long hair, the geeky wire-frames, and the distinctly collegiate air about his choice of clothing, Daniel had outgrown all his cuddly 'puppy feet'. He was a grown man, occasionally even a soldier. He had something to say, and he was determined to make Jack listen.

Jack shivered involuntarily, hoping his reaction hadn't telegraphed as loudly as it felt like it had. "You want a drink?" he asked quietly.

"Not beer." Beer made him sleepy and stupid, and he needed to be wide-awake and with it for this.

"Ah." Jack moved to the kitchen and took his time filling two small glasses with ice, then poured some Wild Turkey into one of them as he eyed Daniel nervously through the pass-through. He watched Daniel pace from the couch to the mantle and back again. Twice. That couldn't be a good sign.

Jack downed the contents of the glass in one swallow, relishing the burn, and hoped the head start would stand him in good stead. He poured again, filling both glasses this time and steeled himself for what was to come.

Without a word, Jack met Daniel's eyes as he handed the glass over to him and watched, mesmerized, as Daniel drained it and set it down onto the coffee table in front of him.

"Oookay..." Jack muttered under his breath as he took a seat in the chair across the room. Maybe if he was real lucky, Daniel would pass out before they got too far with this. He took his time, fluffing the pillows until they were just right as he stubbornly ignored Daniel's glare.

He wanted to think he could handle this. After all, he was Special Ops trained with twenty-three years in the service; he should be able to deal with whatever a shaggy-haired, occasionally flaky academic threw at him. He took a sip of his whiskey -his second, he reminded himself- and wondered why he was finding it suddenly so difficult to breathe. He pushed past it and said, "Shoot."

Daniel had waited with mounting anxiety while Jack puttered and stalled, until he couldn't delay anymore. He'd thought about little else since they'd returned from the planet with the naked, humming guys and their mysteriously growing plants. Back at the SGC, it'd taken all his self-control to keep quiet as Jack followed him around like a puppy, until eventually they worked out that the cause of all their symptoms was the same reason the naked guys kept keeling over.

But once they'd returned from setting up the frequency emitters, Jack had started ignoring him completely, which had pissed him off even more than the puppy act had.

The second mandatory medical check, confirming they were all back to normal, and the debriefing that followed it, had been time consuming and more than a little irritating. Jack's steadfast refusal to even look at him had only served to fuel Daniel's fury. Jack might not recollect a lot of the specifics of what had gone down on 291, but he apparently needed reminding that it had been more or less consensual.

Now standing in Jack's living room with the heat of a hastily-downed whiskey glowing nicely in his belly, he could feel everything bubbling forth -the guilt, the pain, and if he were honest with himself, the longing.

He planned to keep that last bit to himself.

He knew Jack would rather ignore it all, but they'd tried that after the FishPeople planet, and they'd all seen how well that had played out, hadn't they; it had blown up in their faces on their very next mission. They were going to work it out here and now, whether Jack liked it or not. SG-1 couldn't function this way. _Daniel_ couldn't function.

He tried for a calm, reasonable tone. "When we were with the FishPeople, while I was-" _doing you..._ He started again. "After you and I-" _fucked..._

Unable to seem to get the words right, he huffed an annoyed breath, gritted his teeth, and blurted out, "While it was happening, you let me think I was hurting you," Daniel accused tightly. "Physically, emotionally. And then later when you woke up, you claimed you couldn't remember any part of it -which we both now know was a lie, by the way, _guaranteeing_ that we couldn't talk about it, couldn't work out what we were each feeling about what happened, keeping us both isolated. I suppose that was your way of trying to get back at me, for doing what we'd all agreed at the time was necessary?"

Jack wondered why he'd thought they could skip past this; he was a lousy actor, and Daniel sure as shit wasn't stupid. "I wasn't trying to get back at you," Jack said evenly, not meeting the other man's eyes. "Nothing that complicated. It wasn't your fault, Daniel. It was just better for the team if all of you thought I couldn't remember, that's all." He picked at an invisible spot on his jeans as he muttered, "It was just that damn plant noise that made me spill the beans..."

"Better for whom exactly, Jack? The team? Or _you_," Daniel snapped, pacing the length of the coffee table. He didn't give the other man a chance to answer before plowing ahead. "I've been worried sick about you, about what happened between us on 291, whether or not I'd lost the best friend I ever had. And all because some sick bastard thought it'd be _amusing..." _Christ, he was pissed. He stopped pacing and ran one hand over his face._ "..._ to put you in your place, and he used _me_ to do it!"

Jack was finding something very interesting in his glass and didn't respond.

Daniel took a deep breath and narrowed his eyes. "And speaking of the last mission; calling me Plant Boy? Egging me on, provoking a fight every two minutes? If I didn't know better, I'd say it was foreplay, that you wanted to wind me up!"

"What? No!" _Daniel, frustrated to the point of shoving him up against that tree, grinding their hips together, taking his mouth... _Foreplay? Okay, that was just wrong...

But probably not altogether incorrect, either, damn it.

"We both knew going into it that there might be some issues; that it would push some buttons for you," Daniel said reasonably and with slightly less volume. He was careful not to mention the buttons it had pushed for him; buttons he hadn't even known he had. "How much do you really remember?" he asked quietly.

Jack shrugged and then took a decent swallow of his drink. "Enough."

Daniel wasn't surprised he had to pull the information out of Jack like he was extracting teeth. "Is that it?" he asked more kindly. "Are you having flashbacks about Iraq?" He'd tried so hard to be gentle, to ease Jack into it, but there were bound to be comparisons.

Jack frowned, trying to formulate a reply. He'd certainly expected flashbacks; that's why he'd decided on the morphine and zip ties.  
_  
__His body shivering from the draft and the initial action of the morphine, he thought about how odd their jobs were, requiring body-swapping last week, fluid-swapping this week. All in a day's work. He struggled to focus, hating that he was so powerless in this. "You're gonna hafta take point, Danny, I c-can't- can't get us outta here."  
_  
_"I'll take care of you, Jack, I promise."  
_  
_And from that first moment, when Daniel's warm hand had tenderly cupped his cheek and he'd whispered earnest promises of gentleness against the back of his neck, it'd been as different from Iraq as night and day.  
_  
"No," Jack admitted softly. He set his glass down and rose from his chair, moving to stand at the big window. He stared out at the expanse of his back yard, hands stuffed into the pockets of his worn jeans. "No flashbacks." He almost wished there had been. _... so many of them, filthy, sweating, shoving, panting, holding him down, burning pain, ripping him in two, one right after another... all that blood...  
__  
_He was used to dealing with anger and fear; he'd developed a complicated strategy of coping mechanisms during the long months of that recovery. There was a method to managing torture, to surviving it. It was all this other shit that left him clueless and panicked. And achy; he didn't like to think about the ache in his balls.

He couldn't ignore the contradiction. But if anyone could make the act acceptable, it would be Daniel. _His calming voice, comforting words whispered in between moist kisses along his spine. "I'm going to make you feel so good." Gentle reassurances, a loving pledge. "Just us, no one else. Trust me..." _

"Then what?" Daniel demanded tightly. "What will make it right for you? You wanna beat me up, is that it? I won't try to stop you, if you think that'll help-"

Jack frowned and shook his head. "Oh, for cryin' out loud. I don't wanna beat you up, Daniel."

So. Not violence. Maybe payment in kind? It made sense, tit for tat, and then everybody's even. "You want your turn, is that it?"

Jack moved his head a little, but didn't turn around. "My turn?" he asked stupidly.

"With me. _In me."_

He should've known that Daniel would get around to offering himself. He should've foreseen all of it, and been ready with some kind of story, at least with his denial firmly in place. But he wasn't ready; the urges were still too new and strong; he didn't have control of them yet. "God, Daniel..." he whispered.

Some kind of internal decision reached, Daniel slowly, deliberately, took off his glasses, folded them, and set them on the coffee table next to his empty whiskey glass. "Let's do it then."

Jack turned sharply. "What!?"

"It's the only way you'll ever get your mojo back," Daniel replied, taking a seat on the edge of the couch. "That's what you military types call it, right?" He pulled his shoes and socks off, and started to unbutton his shirt.

Jack couldn't speak. His eyes were riveted on Daniel's bare feet and his now-exposed collarbone, and he was stunned speechless. He was completely off his game, but then that was the whole problem in a nutshell, wasn't it? That he'd been a little off since the planet of the FishPeople and couldn't seem to find his way back? "This isn't necessary," he croaked.

Buttons undone, Daniel stood and regarded Jack calmly as he slowly pulled the shirt from his pants. "You turning down a chance to get even?"

_Bodies slick with sweat, sliding skin, friction and heat so good it made him weep, Daniel's grip on his flesh, solid and personal and knowing and true... feeling Daniel's breath, hot on the back of his neck as he stroked into his body over and over... 'I'll take care of you... I'll take care of you...'  
_  
"That's not what I'm looking for," Jack said softly, his gaze still on the pale skin of Daniel's smooth chest as the shirt slid off his shoulders and pooled on the couch, leaving him bare to the waist. Jack was aware of his own pulse as his heart pounded in his chest, his dick beginning to lengthen at the offer before him.

"What then?" Daniel challenged, opening his belt. "Tell me what you're looking for. Tell me what you want," he asked, hand poised on the button of his pants

"That's far enough! _Just stop it!"_ Jack ordered, squeezing his eyes tight to the forbidden. "Please. Let me try to explain..." He swiped a hand down his face as he tried to organize his thoughts. This wasn't going to be easy, but he knew he owed Daniel some kind of an explanation.

Now all he had to do was think of one.

He sat back down in the chair and leaned forward, clasping his hands first behind his neck, then loosely between his knees, keeping his eyes averted from Daniel and his semi-nakedness. How was he ever going to explain what he didn't yet really understand himself? What would it take to get back to where they were just good friends? Back before the planet of the FishPeople. Back before they'd encountered Captain SquidBritches and his comical code of justice.

How in the hell could he keep from replaying the scene in his mind of Daniel taking him so gently and thoroughly? And could he _ever_ grant himself forgiveness for wanting so badly to feel it again...?

Jack cleared his throat once and said softly, "It's not what you think..."

Daniel folded his arms across his bare chest. "Oh?"

Jack dared a quick glance at the other man, then affixed his eyes to his own clasped hands. "I'm not looking for revenge, and I don't need to punish you."

"Interesting that you can't look me in the eye while you say that."

Jack scowled. He tried to picture the Daniel of several years ago, glasses perpetually sliding down the end of his nose, Jack always fighting the insane urge to push them back up again. It didn't help. "I'll make a deal with ya; you put your shirt back on and sit down, and I'll look ya in the eye plenty."

Daniel watched as Jack clasped and unclasped his hands, still being nonchalantly careful not to look at him, definitely getting the feeling Jack wasn't being completely honest with him.

Jack could feel Daniel's penetrating gaze drilling a hole in the top of his head. Hah! Penetrating... very funny. His eyes snapped closed, once again assaulted by memories that wouldn't stop rushing in on him.

_The feel of Daniel moving deep inside him, his strong hands holding him, stroking him, milking every drop of come from his balls following the most explosive orgasm he'd ever had in his life..._

Daniel tilted his head, shocked comprehension suddenly filling him from the look on his friend's face and his inability to find the words to explain what he was feeling. "Oh my god..." he whispered, heart speeding up with the sudden realization, "you _liked_ it..."

Jack flinched as if struck. He couldn't lie, not anymore. "I didn't want to..." he whispered softly. But he HAD liked it. Daniel had taken him and fucked him and owned him in front of all those FishPeople, and Jack had loved it. He'd never -not once in the nearly three years they'd known each other- thought about what Daniel's mouth might taste like, and now, he couldn't seem to think about anything else.

For Daniel, this pained admission changed everything. Gone was his need to provoke a reaction in Jack, to prove something to the most stubborn, intractable man he'd ever met. It was replaced with a deep, guilt-edged sorrow, and a strong urge to comfort a dear friend who was hurting. Suddenly, his own confused feelings regarding Jack no longer seemed grossly inappropriate. Without another thought, he crossed the room to show Jack it was okay, to reassure him-

"Don't!" Jack snapped, on his feet again, backpedaling away from Daniel, eyes moving anxiously everywhere but directly at him. He didn't need to actually _see_ Daniel to be able to place him in the room, anyway. Some kinda Daniel-shaped spidey-sense told Jack exactly where Daniel Jackson was in relation to him at all times; it'd been like that for a while now.

"Jack, I-"

"Look, you just stay the hell over there, okay?" Jack waved a hand towards the front hall, as if Daniel didn't know where "over there" was. "I'm gonna take SG-1's downtime and see if I can get my head back on straight. If not, I'll put my papers in."

"Papers?"

Jack shrugged like it didn't matter. Which of course, it did. "Either I get this shit under control, or I resign. Simple as that." His eyes flickered up and then away again and he pointed with a finger, wincing slightly. "You wanna put your shirt back on, please?"

"Under control?" Daniel asked, ignoring Jack's request completely. "Exactly what 'shit' are you trying to get under control?"

"The part of me that really, _really_ wants you to put your shirt back on."

It couldn't be what it sounded like, could it? Jack wanted him? "Nooo, I think I'll leave it off, if it's all the same to you."

"Daniel-"

Daniel folded his arms across his chest again. "I'll stay right here as long as you keep talking."

"There's nothing to talk about," Jack said tightly. "No talking, no telling. Those are the rules."

"Those rules are Draconian, at best," Daniel sniffed, "and completely beside the point. Are you saying you feel something for me?"

Jack rolled his eyes impatiently. "Of course I do; we're friends," he frowned. "At least we will be, once you put your goddamned shirt back on!"

Daniel unfolded his arms and started to close the distance between them.

"That's far enough," Jack warned, his features set into a menacing scowl.

Daniel planted his hands on his hips. "Then. Talk."

"There's nothing to talk about, damn it!" Jack ran his hands through his hair, wishing like hell he'd never opened the damned door. "You really need to go. _Now."_

"I can't leave, Jack, not like this."

"We can't _talk_ about this!" Jack roared.

"FINE!" Daniel replied in kind. "Then you can just listen! I came over here thinking you hated me for what we'd done. For what _I'd_ done. I was determined that whatever you needed to make it right, I'd do, whether it was letting you beat me up, or letting you vent your rage by fucking me black and blue. It's THAT important to me that we get our friendship back! Now I don't have a clue what's going on inside your head, but I'll bet you're having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that you seemed to enjoy the sex."

"Oh, y'think?"

Daniel was a little startled at the frankness of the admission, but kept talking. Now that Jack had started to open up, Daniel didn't want him shutting down again. "I can imagine it must be difficult to reconcile, given the life experiences you've had."

"Along with the fact that I'm STRAIGHT!"

"Ye-ah. There's that," Daniel pondered, his forehead creasing.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jack hollered.

"Nothing," Daniel said dismissively. Labels had always bored him. "What exactly is the problem, here?"

"The _prob-lem,_ is that this effectively ends my career!"

"How?"

"How?"

"Yeah, how? I mean, what are we talkin' about here? An occasional blowjob between friends, or are we movin' in together and redecorating?"

"Redecorating? What?"

Daniel shrugged and then gestured toward the window. "We can start with these ridiculously tacky blinds."

"What's wrong with my blinds?" Jack shot back indignantly, turning to examine them.

Daniel shrugged, inching closer as silently as he knew how. "Well, nothing, if ya like that sort of thing. I guess." _Inch._

"I like these blinds; they're hand made, y'know."

"Oh, I didn't know that," Daniel said softly. _Inch._ Jack was distracted, and in another couple of steps, they'd be close enough to touch.

"Probably more than a little dusty at the moment," Jack allowed, running his finger along one slat and examining the results. "There's a little old lady in Cleveland who stains each slat by... hand..." his voice trailed off as he noticed Daniel standing just behind his elbow. His eyes narrowed. "Sneaky bastard," he observed wryly.

Daniel shrugged offhandedly as he considered the blinds before them. "I knew someone in Special Ops once."

Jack arched an eyebrow as he considered the man next to him. "Taught ya everything ya know?"

Daniel looked at Jack. "He taught me that friendships are important. And that life is precious and uncertain. And way too short."

Jack looked away again and ground his teeth. "I took. An oath."

"Well, I don't have any magic 'anti-oath' spells, so I guess we're just gonna have to work around it, aren't we?"

"Yeah, it's real funny for you, isn't it?" Jack grimaced.

"No, not really," Daniel snapped. "Y'see, I have a wife who's been missing for a long damned time, and the only way I stand a chance _in hell_ of finding her is if the man I was forced to violate last week keeps his word and HELPS ME!" His voice had started out in a conversational tone and picked up speed and volume until he was shouting at the end of it.

Jack tried really hard not to notice the veins popping out in Daniel's exceptionally long and lean neck as his Adam's apple bounced around, or how incredibly blue his eyes were without his glasses, or how just the scent of the man's skin was making Jack hard, and _that_ was the whole problem _right fucking there,_ wasn't it? "Don't you get it?" Jack hissed, "My motives aren't pure anymore. I'd never be sure I was trying hard enough!"

Daniel was floored, and his expression showed it. Could he possibly be understanding this right? Jack wanted him, at least sexually, if not romantically, and was concerned about the reliability of his own integrity with respect to finding Daniel's wife? Because he wanted Daniel for himself, and Shau're was competition now? Where the hell had this come from?

"I trust you," Daniel whispered. It was all that came to mind.

Jack snorted. "Then you're a fool," he said regretfully as he turned away.

Daniel just stared at his back. "So... what? I lose both of you, then?"

"You'll find her," he shot over his shoulder, the safety of several paces between them now.

"Not without you!"

"You already found her once without me!"

"Oh yeah, I found her alright, her belly swollen with that bastard's child." His voice cracked with the sudden flood of emotion, and he felt the backs of his eyes burning with tears, remembering just how close he'd come to getting her back. "I held her against me and felt his child moving inside of her. Do you know how that made me feel?"

"Yeah, I think I do," Jack said gently. Like absolute crap. Worse than just knowing someone had taken what was his, the irrefutable evidence of it staring him in the face that way. "But-"

"I'm still kicking myself that I didn't get there an hour earlier- even thirty minutes, and we could've gotten her back to Earth, to Cimerria-"

"You can't second guess yourself that way, Daniel, you'll just drive yourself nuts. Trust me, I know!" Five minutes; how may times had he wished-prayed-bargained to have gotten home just five stinkin' minutes earlier that day, so his boy would still be alive?

"That's just my point, Jack, don't ya see? How much of our lives do we each waste, just wishing things could somehow be different than they are?" He closed the distance between them again. "I delivered her child with my own hands...the child of the monster who raped her, who continues to rape her every single day!" He ground his teeth, thinking of that vile snake's hands on his wife.

The rage continued to barrel through him, and he made no effort to staunch it "Except that maybe he doesn't. Maybe there's nothing of Shau're left except the shell of her body... maybe after nearly three years, whatever shred of her personality remains has learned to accept it. To accept _him."_ A sudden thought formed, hitting him like a punch in the gut. "Christ, we've been apart more than twice as long as we were together in the first place," he mused under his breath.

He'd never thought if it quite that way before; it was a sobering statistic. He took a shuddering breath. "Every time I set foot through that 'gate, I'm thinking about my wife. Maybe I'll see her this time, maybe this is the one where I catch a break... She's my responsibility, and I swear to god, I _will_ find her and free her from the snake who possesses her, b-but I don't know that I have a right to call her _mine_ anymore. I'm not sure I even-"

_Want to._ What kind of a monster did that make _him,_ if he actually said it out loud? Shau're was a victim; she hadn't asked for any of what had happened to her, what she'd been forced to see and do. Didn't he owe it to her to not only find her, but to be faithful to her until they could be reunited?

But could he ever live with her again, as husband and wife? Could he ever forget what she'd become?

He swallowed hard past the guilt and shame if it. Was it selfish of him to want to find comfort and companionship with someone else, after all this time? And was that all it would be, just friends helping each other out occasionally? Was it somehow a greater betrayal, if it was something more? Something closer to love?

Daniel raised his chin defiantly. "I'm sick to death of trying to live up to everyone's expectations of me. None of you knows how I feel, and yet, every one of you feels free to judge me."

"We're not-"

"Sam does," Daniel countered, remembering parts of a discussion in her lab in the middle of the Shyla thing. "And you're doing it right now." As he started to turn away, he whispered under his breath, "And I'm so goddamned tired of being alone..."

Jack closed the short distance between them and yanked Daniel into his arms, holding him tightly as he buried his face in Daniel's hair. "You're not," he murmured. "Not alone." Jack fought to keep his thoughts on comforting his friend, carefully ignoring the supple, warm skin of Daniel's naked back beneath his hands. When it became too difficult to separate the two, Jack started to pull away.

Daniel trembled as he struggled to control the emotion welling up within him, reveling in the feeling of safety in Jack's arms. For the first time, he let all his reservations go, inhaling lungfuls of comfort and strength from his friend. So long... it'd been so long since he'd felt sheltered and cared for this way, a murky memory surfacing of the time Jack had hugged him in an SGC store room.

_Loved.  
__  
_Daniel nuzzled his face into the warmth of Jack's neck. His hand came up to cradle the back of Jack's skull, turning his face until their mouths met.

The instant they touched, Jack whispered, "No!" and gently pushed away.

"Yes," Daniel pleaded, holding him fast with surprising strength and determination. "Just let it happen."

Gripping Daniel's shoulders tightly, Jack whispered urgently, "I can't be your fuck buddy, Daniel; there's too much at stake here."

"Good, 'cause I don't want that. Where does it say a person can only fall in love once?" At that, Daniel took Jack's mouth and poured all of his pain and sadness and hope into the kiss.

They were both breathless and gasping some long moments later, but Jack was finally into it now and fully participating, beginning a new kiss as each one ended, a long string of tenderness and need. Daniel thought he might just live after all.

"What the fuck are we doing?" Jack whispered hoarsely as he continued to trail wet kisses along Daniel's jaw and down his neck. One kiss had led to another and he couldn't seem to stop himself from _just one more..._

Daniel closed his eyes and soaked up the adoration. "Shut up, Jack," he murmured. "We're loving each other..."

Something broke in Jack then, all the anger and fear, and his arms tightened around Daniel's waist, pulling them closer together with a forced exhale that might have been a swallowed sob. "Oh, hell, yeah..." He didn't understand everything he was feeling inside, but he knew that touching Daniel like this was making it better, like a cool salve on a fresh burn might.

"Yes, yes," Daniel said over and over as his hands scrabbled over Jack's back and shoulders, his hand finally settling on the back of Jack's neck, cradling Jack's head to him, encouraging the current actions of the busy mouth along a particularly sensitive part of Daniel's throat. "Oh, please... god, yes..."

As Daniel's scent filled Jack's nostrils and merged with the warmth of the body against his, the brand new taste of his skin and other sense memories came to the fore.

_The feel of Daniel's smooth chest against his back, the soft grunt Daniel made, just as his body opened, allowing Daniel to slide inside; the feel of Daniel's hand on his dick, stroking and squeezing him as he knelt back, impaled on Daniel's cock, knees splayed wide open for all to see while Daniel pushed up into him, expertly manipulating his genitals, forcing him to climax in front of a room full of FishPeople. The smell of their come, Daniel's as Jack moved, and his body released tiny dribbles of it from his ass; his own, cooling now and covering Daniel's hand.  
__  
__The surreal sight of Daniel licking his fingers clean of it.  
__  
_He shouldn't know these things about his best friend, his teammate. But he did, and there was no going back now. Daniel knew him -in the Biblical sense, thank you very much- and that made him feel exposed, vulnerable. It unbalanced them. How could he command a man who'd fucked him senseless, when all he wanted to do was bend over the nearest DHD, and beg for it again...

And with a twisted kind of logic that comes from too much whiskey way too fast, Jack whispered, "I never got to touch you."

_As Jack finished undressing, his brain burped a memory of Sara. She'd read about things in Cosmo she wanted to try, things that involved his ass. It had taken them months of working at it gradually, and he'd never gotten anything out of it but a headache from gnashing his teeth, but he'd managed to let her touch him there without ever letting on what had been done to him as a POW. He couldn't let her know, not and ever face her again.  
_  
_But this was different. This was a man's hands on him, and he knew he was going to freak; Daniel would touch him, and he'd snap his friend's neck, and it'd all be over. There was a solution, of course, but he was pretty sure Daniel wouldn't go for it. So he took the decision out of Daniel's hands.  
_  
_Once he was naked, and Daniel was busy jerking himself hard behind him, he took the zip tie and secured his wrists together palm to palm, tightening it with a pull of his teeth, then flipped the cap off the morphine auto-injector, and jammed it against his thigh. _  
_  
_ _Daniel saw the quick movement out of the corner of his eye, but he wasn't quick enough to stop it. He scrambled to Jack's side as Jack slumped backward. "What the hell-"  
_  
_"Morphine," he answered, swallowing against the sudden sting of the fluid entering his system. "Relax me so we can get this done. I wasn't sure one was gonna be enough, so I brought all three, just in case. Your discretion..."_

"Jesus, Jack," Daniel snapped under his breath, scrabbling to get the plastic zip ties off. "You didn't need to do this-"  
_  
__Eyes firmly closed for the duration, he shook his head and tried to pull his hands away from Daniel's worrying fingers, feeling the buzz of the mild euphoria start. "DID! Don't argue, damn it. Hopefully, this'll keep me from fighting you off. Now, do what ya gotta to do!"  
__  
_"I need to know what it's like to touch you," Jack whispered. "All of you."

The sensation of Jack's stubble scraping his neck made Daniel shiver, starting a chain reaction that ran straight to his balls, making him even harder. He pushed away just a little, so Jack could see his supplication. "Touch me now," Daniel offered, spreading his hands. "Take whatever you need..."

Still frowning and silent, but somehow released from his torpor by Daniel's words, Jack kept tight hold of Daniel's right hand, intertwining their fingers, boney knuckles bumping, and brought his other hand up to trail along Daniel's left arm to his shoulder. Hair, so pale as to be nearly invisible, moved underneath his hand, the skin taut with youth, underpinned with muscle, tight but not bulging. A man, in every sense of the word. Someone he should not want to touch and taste.

It was wrong in every way Jack had ever been taught to understand, this need he suddenly had to feel Daniel next to him, to hold him close. To taste him. It could be deadly off-world, but this was his home, and they were alone. The need was real and palpable and would not be denied. What harm, he asked himself, just this once? Just to get it out of his system.

Jack shut his eyes tightly, his face contorting as if in pain, fighting convention, his own past, and every regulation in the book. _Wrongwrongwrong..._

Daniel took Jack's cheeks in both his hands and got right up into his face. "Don't do that," he said urgently. "This is us, just you and me. It doesn't concern anyone else. Don't try to keep this inside, Jack; you don't have to do this alone!" He reached for Jack's hand and placed it on his own cheek. "Look at me," he demanded softly.

Lips rigidly pressed together, Jack's eyes slowly opened, dark and painfully sober; Daniel could see that he was afraid. "I _want_ you to touch me," Daniel whispered. "It's all right. No one will know."

_"I'll_ know!"

"But that's the point, isn't it? To know? To understand what you're feeling?" He drew Jack's fingers down his throat and then across the clavicle toward his shoulder. _"Touch. Me."_

Jack let out a sound, almost like a whimper, as his eyes followed the path Daniel was taking his fingers. Daniel released the fingers as they arrived at his bicep, waiting to see what Jack would do.

Jack's eyes met Daniel's briefly, then moved Daniel's arm to the upright position, wordlessly urging him to tighten it, to make the muscle bulge.

Daniel felt silly doing that, but did, since Jack seemed to want it.

A minute intake of breath as Jack stroked the contracted muscle lightly with his fingertips. He closed his eyes again, still cupping Daniel's bicep, then shook it off and opened them again, letting his fingers travel into the adjacent armpit, ruffling the fine hairs there. Everything he touched, from Daniel's shaved-smooth cheek, to the sharp Adam's apple and density of his musculature, to the body hair, all screamed _masculine,_ and inside his brain, warning sirens began to go off one right after another, in rapid succession.

"I can't..." Jack choked out, snatching his hand back. He'd thought he could do it, that somehow, satisfying his curiosity would help him close the book on the FishPeople incident, but he wasn't going to be able to get past a lifetime's worth of indoctrination.

Just as Daniel felt Jack's body tense, he gathered him into his arms, hugging them tightly together again. "I've got you," he whispered into Jack's neck. "I've got you. It's just me."

Jack inhaled a jerky breath, then another, and of their own volition, his arms came around Daniel to return the embrace. Naturally, just like the other times Jack had hugged his best friend. He told himself there was nothing to be afraid of.

And Jack noticed how holding Daniel was making his body react. His dick filled completely as his hands skimmed across Daniel's naked back. He knew Daniel had to be feeling it, too, pressing against his own groin. He tried to pull away. "Crap! I'm sor-"

"It's not wrong, Jack," Daniel replied softly, "Not when two people care about each other." He pulled away just far enough so that they could look at each other, and smiled. "Let's do this together," he suggested gently. "Let me help you figure it all out." Jack managed a fleeting smile, or it might've been a grimace, but it caused Daniel's face to break out in a shy grin, either way. "Bed be easier for your knees?"

Jack's eyebrow arched. "You gonna seduce me in my own bed?"

"Nope," Daniel said firmly. "I'm not gonna do anything." Daniel took Jack's hand in his and started to lead him through the hall. "You call all the shots. Anything. Everything. Nothing more than you're comfortable with." He stopped at the foot of Jack's bed. "Whatever you want."

Jack merely looked at him, his thoughts a jumble of confusion. He didn't know why he was letting Daniel drive this.

Of course he did; because in this, Jack was greener than a fresh-faced recruit.

Jack didn't understand the undeniably strong pull he felt to get closer to his friend. He couldn't seem to get the whole scene on the FishPlanet out of his mind, and the constant reruns of those few minutes was slowly driving him nuts.

_Him naked and bound, Daniel strong and confident, touching him with tender, knowledgeable, hands and lips, taking him so very gently, almost sweetly...  
__  
_He'd never experienced anything like it before in his life. Hadn't even known it was possible.

"I..." he started, but then stalled out. Daniel waited patiently for the rest, not rushing him, not presuming. Not forcing himself on Jack, just being there. Finally without a word, Jack peeled off his own black polo shirt and stepped in close. Daniel held his arms open and waited for Jack to take the last step into his arms.

The first touch of their naked chests together made Jack stiffen and gasp out loud. "Holy crap..."

Daniel felt it as well, but for him, it fueled a thrill of desire. He struggled to hold it in check so as not to add to Jack's unease. He could feel Jack's belly trembling nervously against his own, and he surmised the other man's fear. He had to stifle the urge to say things, sappy things like 'baby' and 'you're so beautiful'; he knew Jack didn't want to hear any of his sappy clichés.

Daniel felt Jack's unshaven cheek against his own as the other man lowered his face to Daniel's shoulder, the heat of Jack's breath ghosting against the side of his neck. Daniel let his hands gently glide along Jack's sides and underneath his arms, coming to rest cupping the prominence of Jack's shoulder blades as he pulled him even closer.

"God, this is..." Jack murmured, nearly overwhelmed by the tactile input. No way should it feel this good to embrace another male body. He held on like a drowning man as the waves of sensation washed over him.

Daniel heard the wonder in Jack's voice, and it sparked a wave of tenderness he found it difficult to quell. If only Jack had taken him up on the 'revenge fuck' offer, it might all have been over with by now. One hard, fast rutting to counter another, and they'd have been even.

But not this. This gentle, tentative exploration spoke of more desperate emotional need than Daniel would've thought possible coming from someone as tightly controlled as Jack O'Neill. But Jack hadn't made any emotional commitment at this point, and Daniel understood the very real possibility that however far they went tonight, Jack might find he wasn't invested in pursuing this after all.

He knew the risk he was taking. Holding Jack this way spoke to every single possessive instinct he'd ever had. He wanted to take Jack into his arms and show him it was all right to give pleasure to someone you cared about, and that gender shouldn't be allowed to be a reason not to share something beautiful. He wanted to make love to Jack slowly, sweetly, and let it be a joyful thing between them, binding them together. He wanted to help Jack conquer his fear and the memories of Iraq as he let Daniel love him this way every day for the rest of their lives.

But Daniel knew it wasn't ever going to happen. However much Jack had reluctantly enjoyed their unfortunate encounter on the Planet of the FishPeople, he was straight. And more importantly, he was Air Force, and that meant they could never be together openly, even if Jack decided he wanted to swing that way.

Daniel sighed heavily. He'd give Jack this, letting him go as far as he needed it to, and then he'd pick up the pieces of his own broken heart on his own time.

"God, Danny, this feels..."

"I know; it's wonderful. It's natural to want to be touched, to hold someone close," Daniel said softly. "You can touch me all you like."

Stiffening, Jack croaked, "I shouldn't want this-"

Daniel pulled away a little and frowned. "We've already been there," Daniel reminded him. "We've already shared pretty much every intimacy two people can have; the only difference here is that we're taking our time, and we don't have an audience. It's already done. No new ground, not really."

Jack grunted, avoiding Daniel's eyes by staring at his chest. "What? Since we've already been forgiven for the initial crime, an encore's free?" Absently, he let his fingers trail down Daniel's chest toward his left nipple. He circled it a couple of times with his forefinger, then pinched just the tip, very, very gently, watching Daniel intently now.

Daniel closed his eyes and shivered. "Tenderness isn't a crime."

"Is that what this is?" Jack asked. He rolled the taut nub between his thumb and forefinger, noting how responsive Daniel was to that particular stimulation. It made him feel powerful to be able to handle Daniel this intimately, to coax a response from his body with such a small thing, not unlike making a woman gasp your name out loud that first time.

"Think of this as recovery, then, if that makes you feel better," Daniel said softly. "I-um... really like that, by the way." He placed his hand over Jack's to still it. "C'mere..." he nudged, drawing him over to the bed.

Jack followed, letting Daniel position him, sinking down slowly until he covered Daniel's body with his own. "Dear god..." he whispered as he looked down into Daniel's face, his expression open and welcoming. Jack let nature take it's course.

Daniel knew the kiss would kill him. And yet, as Jack's lips approached his, and suddenly they were the only thing left within his field of vision, he didn't care. He wanted it, craved it. He told himself he could handle the death of their friendship, if it meant he could taste Jack's mouth like this again.

Jack saw Daniel close his eyes just before their lips touched, tentatively at first, then more seriously as the need inside him grew. As their lips merged, his awareness shifted, and the taboo fell away; when Daniel opened his mouth and invited Jack inside, Jack felt like he'd come home. He could feel Daniel's nose on his cheek, his fingers in his hair, running down the nape of his neck, and he was hyper-aware of the smooth, warm chest beneath him, the mild scent of Daniel's aftershave, and the only identifiable thought in his mind was _\--skin--_

Breathlessly, Jack ended the kiss, trailing warm kisses along Daniel's smooth jaw until he got to his ear. "I wanna feel all of you, can we lose the pants?"

The warm, wet words assaulting Daniel's ear caused his cock to fill completely, and he was eager to set it free. "Fuck, yeah," he gasped, struggling to get to the button and zipper to liberate himself from his restrictive clothing.

"Lemme do it," Jack murmured. He moved off Daniel just enough to lean on his right elbow so he could slide his hand into the loosened waistband of Daniel's slacks and around his hip. _Warm... even in the cold amphitheatre, Daniel's skin seemed so warm against his own...  
__  
_Daniel bit his lip to keep from crying out as he felt Jack's hand begin to caress and squeeze his ass, his stubbly cheek accidentally scraping his already-peaked nipple as Jack moved over him. "Touch me," Daniel begged, arching his back so his slacks slid further down his hips, exposing more of his skin. "Touch everything..." He didn't care that he sounded desperate for it; he was.

Jack smiled against Daniel's belly and shoved the corduroys off, pleased that the briefs came off with them.

One kick of Daniel's legs, and he was fully naked. "Mmmm..." He wrapped his leg around Jack's. "Yours too, " he demanded.

"Oh, yeahhh," Jack breathed. He stretched out again, then shifted off to the side to let Daniel's hands wriggle in between them.

Daniel opened Jack's belt and flipped the snap with his thumb, then slowly drew the zipper down. He slid his hands into the jeans, cupping Jack's ass underneath the boxers with both hands as he rolled Jack back on top of him; his feet making short work of shoving the jeans off the rest of the way.

Jack groaned, feeling Daniel's completely nude body moving beneath his, their legs intertwining, their erect cocks bumping together. His mind was a hazy white blur and undirected, his body rocked and moved against Daniel's.

"God, this feels amazing..." Daniel groaned just before Jack took his mouth again. Daniel let go of all his reservations and joined into the kiss eagerly, catching Jack's tongue gently between his teeth, then letting it go and surrendering his own. Jack shifted his hips slightly, and Daniel used that to bring both of his legs up, encircling Jack's waist just as his arms encircled his neck, holding Jack's body to his own like he had every right to possess it.

Jack was his, he'd made it so on the FishPlanet, and now Jack knew it, too.

"Danny," Jack breathed raggedly, "I don't know what to do now."

"You're doing fine," Daniel assured him as Jack continued to stroke against him. "It feels so good, holding you this way, feeling your body against mine... touching your bare skin... Don't you like it?"

"Hell, yeah," Jack smirked, "Check this out," he said, grinding his rigid and leaking dick against Daniel's belly. He couldn't remember being this hard, _ever._

Daniel chuckled deep in his throat as he gently fondled Jack's nipples. "You're an animal, Jack."

"Grrr," Jack smirked into a gentle kiss.

"Here, try this..." Daniel snaked a hand between them and pushed Jack's dick between his legs, then lowered his own legs to the bed, encasing Jack's erection between his thighs.

The increased friction made Jack's eyes roll back into his head and his hips began to thrust into the snug warmth of their own accord. "Ohh, sweet mother..."

Daniel smiled knowingly as he wound his hand once around the chain of Jack's dog tags, pulling him down gently for another kiss. Daniel could feel Jack's dick as each thrust skirted the edge of his sac on its way toward his perineum. He knew if he lifted his legs again, he'd get more direct stimulation of that area as well as his entrance, but it would also diminish Jack's sensations, and right now, it was more important to him to make Jack feel good.

Suddenly horribly aware of the fact that Daniel was holding him by his dog tags, the very symbol of every reason why this was a tragic mistake, Jack breathlessly pulled free of the kiss. He looked down at the man writhing beneath him, stilling his own hips with a lot of concerted effort. He was panting, and it felt like his heart was going to beat itself right through his chest. "I shouldn't want to do this with you..." he muttered under his breath.

"But you do," Daniel smiled into the kiss. "You need this."

"I'm serious," Jack mumbled against the side of Daniel's mouth.

"Stop thinking." Daniel saw that the trepidation had returned to Jack's eyes, and he pulled the tags off over his head and tossed them onto the floor. "There. Now you're just a man. Better?"

The momentum of the mood broken, Jack pushed himself up on his arms fully and panted, "What the hell are we doing?"

"Whatever you want," Daniel cooed easily as he stroked the lightly furred chest in front of him and slid his arms around Jack's neck again. "Whatever you need to do." As Jack's cock softened between his legs, Daniel knew they were on dangerous territory. He leaned up and licked around Jack's mouth and whispered, "If you stop now, you'll never know for sure..."

Jack was frowning now. "Know what? What is this supposed to prove?"

"Do you really want to be analyzing this right now?" Daniel asked, reaching between them to tug on Jack's balls. "Wouldn't you rather come?" If he could get Jack to climax like this, voluntarily, they'd be halfway there.

"I want-" Jack stopped himself, closing his eyes and swallowing hard. What the hell did he want? What did he have a right to have, according to Uncle Sam? _Not Daniel's body underneath his. Not Daniel's hand gripping his balls. Not this._

It was lost, that much was clear. Whatever beautiful rapport they'd started to build was hopelessly ruined now. Not trying to hide his bitterness and disappointment, Daniel addressed the confused man who still hung over him, "What do you want, Jack? Hard and fast, so you can get rid of the anger?"

Jack opened his eyes, frowning. "I'm not _mad_ at you, damn it!"

"Aren't you?" Daniel snapped. "I fucked you in front of the FishPeople _and_ Sam and Teal'c. Hammond and Janet didn't get to watch, but they _know,_ even if the mission report's sealed now. You can't tell me you aren't furious about being violated that way. The humiliation alone-"

_"Wasn't_ your fault!" Jack bit off sharply.

"If I'd done my job better," Daniel grunted through grinding teeth as he finished pushing Jack off him, "maybe it wouldn't've gone that far!"

"It went wrong the moment we stepped onto the planet and those scaly monsters started sniffing us!" Jack shouted, dragging a corner of the blanket up to cover his wilted erection. He sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. "You couldn't've done anything different that what you did," he added more softly.

Daniel sat up, hugging his knees. He was still hard and leaking; part of him wanted to push Jack down and just go for it and hope he caught up. "I should've just let you shoot them."

"Oh, it's not in ya," Jack countered morosely. "You're the Peaceful Explorer, remember?"

Daniel grunted and rested his forehead on his knees.

"We made the best of a bad situation. I'm the team leader, and what I say goes," Jack said gruffly. It was pretty hard to sound commanding when you were stark naked and limp, besides.

"You were out of your mind on the morphine," Daniel said, his voice muffled and sad. "You were hardly in any condition to know what was going on."

"I heard every word you said to me," Jack countered solemnly.

_"Jack? You still with me?"  
_  
_"Where the hell else would I be?"  
_  
_"Okay, three fingers this time, ready?"  
_  
_"Ungh..."  
_  
Jack stared off into the dusk beyond the window. The memory was seared into his brain like a brand. "Every. Single. Word."  
_  
__The morphine hadn't made him numb or put him to sleep like he'd stupidly hoped; he was completely aware of everything that Daniel was doing to him, he just couldn't bring himself to object. If he were to be honest, the things Daniel was doing with his hands and mouth felt pretty damned amazing, and he idly wondered how long it would be before he'd feel Daniel's cock cram its way up his ass. He figured that was gonna hurt. A lot.  
_  
Daniel sat in stunned silence. "Are you saying the morphine didn't block any of it?"

Still facing safely away from Daniel, Jack let out a labored grunt. "I'd hoped it would. It didn't."

_"That's it, just relax..."_

"Fuck, Daniel, your whole hand's in my ass..."  
  
_"Uh-uh, just three fingers."  
_  
_"Feels like your whole fucking hand... See? That was your elbow, right?"  
_  
_"No, Jack, just fingers. Be still now."  
_  
_"Uh-uh. Hand."  
_  
_"Could you not be so stubborn, just for a minute? It feels strange, I know, but I've got to stretch you slowly, so I won't hurt you."  
_  
_"Ungh... hurts right now..."  
_  
_"Hurts, or just feels really full?"  
_  
_"Huh? Full... I guess..."  
_  
_"Here, let's see if I can... how's that?"  
_  
_"OhGODohgodohgodohgod!"  
_  
_"Gonna do it again... Does that feel good?"  
_  
_"Ohfuckyeah!"  
_  
_"Good. Home stretch now, 'kay?"  
_  
_"Yeahsureyabetcha... gonna jiggle that thingy again?"  
_  
_"A whole buncha times, I hope. Just don't clench, okay? In fact, try to bear down if you can."  
_  
_"What? No! That's gross!"  
_  
_"Don't worry, I took care of it, trust me. You have to push, it'll help me get all the way inside you-"  
_  
_"No, please, Danny, I don't want this!"  
_  
_"I know, Jack, I know... I'll be gentle, I promise. It's almost over. You don't hafta worry, we'll go as slow as we need to. Here I come, okay? Just relax..."  
_  
_"..."  
_  
_"Ohh... so tight... Ohhhmygod that's good... Jesus! There, I'm in. That's not so bad, right? Jack?"  
_  
_"..."  
_  
_"Oh, god, I'm so sorry... Jack? Are you- oh, please don't cry... dear god, I can't handle that..."  
_  
_"... Danny..."  
__  
_"The morphine didn't block out a goddamned thing. Felt it all. Heard it all. Every bit of it." He hung his head and added, "At the end, I was begging for it, wasn't I?"

_"Harder, damn it! Faster!"  
_  
_"God, Jack, you're incredible... you feel amazing, pushing back against me like that... here, sit back on me. I wanna touch you."  
_  
_"Fuck me... I need it- deeper... Arrgh!"  
_  
"Jack-"

"WASN'T I?"

"YES!" Completely at Daniel's mercy, Jack had been wild and wanton, a shockingly sexual being unlike any other that Daniel had ever been with, and he'd never felt as powerful as he had with Colonel Jack O'Neill writhing on the end of his dick. "Yes, you were begging for it, but by then, your body had taken over! It was just an autonomic response, Jack, that's all! You haven't changed; you're still the same!"

"That's where you're wrong, Daniel," Jack said tightly. That was the crux of everything, _right there._ He _had_ changed, because it _wasn't_ the same, because Daniel had tried to be gentle, had tried to make it less like a rape and more like lovemaking. And because of that, Jack hadn't been able to shove those memories into the same category as all the shit that had happened to him in Iraq. He couldn't dismiss it as 'just more torture', because it hadn't been. It'd been tender and _loving,_ for cryin' out loud, and it'd felt fantastic! And by the time Daniel pushed gently inside his body and started thrusting for real, Jack _had_ wanted it. More than anything.

"Don't ya see?" Jack argued over his shoulder. "If you'd've been rough, made it hurt, tried to humiliate me, I could've handled it, beaten it! It would've been the same as-" He grimaced, pushing down the memories of that brutality, and tried to go on. "But you were so fucking gentle; everything you did, you made sure it felt good for me too. I couldn't get away from the pleasure, no matter what I did!"

Miserable, Daniel stared at Jack's back. "I'm sorry," he said softly. He'd only been trying to make a bad situation less horrible, and had evidently made everything worse in the process. "Look, I know I took something from you; I know that, and I'm really sorry. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me."

Jack shook his head sadly. "You just don't get it, do you?" he muttered.

"I get it!" Daniel yelled. "I tried to make the best of a goddamn nightmare of a situation, and that was apparently the absolutely _worst_ thing I could possibly have done, because I'm an idiot! I'm sorry! I don't know what else to say!" Daniel scooched off the bed and started pawing angrily through the discarded clothes looking for his pants. He jerked them on, not bothering to look for his underwear. The next thing he knew, he'd been spun around and was being marched backwards toward the wall. "What the-"

"Don't go." Jack was frowning, his eyes searching Daniel's face in desperation.

Daniel screwed up his face in disbelief. _"What!?"_

"I... just..." Jack hovered, close enough to feel Daniel's breath on his face, the smell of his arousal wafting from his body, and it was compelling, almost intoxicating. His head was spinning, his pulse pounding in his ears.

Daniel threw Jack's hands off. "You're going to have to do a helluva lot better than that!"

Jack ran his hands through his hair, scrunching up his face in frustration. "I don't want you to go anywhere! Not like this!"

Daniel glared at him. "You are one _conflicted_ sonofabitch, y'know that?"

"Yeah? Tell me somethin' I don't know!"

Incredulous, Daniel just shook his head. "Put some pants on. I'm not gonna talk to you while your dick's hangin' out." Then he turned on his heel and left the bedroom.

Jack hurriedly searched around the room and found his jeans near the wall beside the bed. He shuffled into them, gingerly zipping them as he strode down the hall toward the living room. Daniel had located his glasses and was coming out of the kitchen shirtless, after having helped himself to the liquor.

Thankful that he hadn't decided to just leave, Jack retrieved his own abandoned drink from the living room and finished off the diluted liquid in one gulp.

"More?" Daniel asked from behind him. He held up the bottle, and at Jack's nod, filled it about halfway. "Now talk."

Morose, Jack peered down into his glass. Daniel might just as well have told him to cut off his left nut. "Need to get some ice first-"

Daniel reached into his own glass and fished out two ice cubes. He dropped them one at a time into Jack's glass, then took his time licking his fingers while Jack stared at him mutely. Daniel noticed that some of the amber liquid had splashed onto Jack's chest, but he resisted the urge to bend down and lick that off, too. He stood there, toe to toe, staring at Jack expectantly.

"Wha'd'ya want me to say?" Jack murmured into his glass. He took a sip, held it in his mouth for a second, then swallowed it, following the burn all the way down to his stomach.

"You're the one who didn't want me to leave. Tell me what it is you want."

Jack snorted, swirling the tumbler and watching the distortion the liquor made to the bottom of the cobalt glass. "That's just it... I'm not sure I even know anymore..." Feeling Daniel's nude body squirming beneath his own had felt dirty and wrong and _so_ fucking good...

Daniel chuffed out an impatient breath and shook his head. "Okay. Let's start with something simple. Tell me what you're feeling _right now."_

Jack looked up at that impatient expression and knew he'd have to give him something, or the other man would simply split. They sure as hell couldn't leave things the way they were, but where did they go from here? He shrugged. "Horny. Frustrated." He looked down into his glass again. "Sad. Like I've lost something I can never get back."

Daniel studied Jack's face, but the expression he found there wasn't enough to go on. He wanted Jack to want him; he was desperate for it, in fact. But it had to be Jack's decision; he was the one with the most to lose. Guessing wrong at this juncture would be disastrous-- he had to get Jack to verbalize what he was feeling. He told himself he could deal with it either way.

"Lost what?" Daniel asked softly as he willed his heart to calm. "Do you know?"

Jack looked around the room and shrugged again. "I dunno; my best friend? My sexual identity? My career?" He looked Daniel right in the eye. "My _mind?_ Pretty much everything, wouldn't ya say?"

Daniel pursed his lips, wondering if the order of that list of items held any significance at all. It was too much to hope for. "I'm still your friend, Jack," Daniel said evenly. "I offered you more in the bedroom, and your rejection of that offer was pretty clear and easy to understand, so I think your sexual identity is probably only slightly confused, not permanently changed. As for your career? Why should that be over? The Air Force can't hold what we did on 291 against you. I was the aggressor, it was all against your will, it's in the report..." He stopped when Jack started shaking his head. "What?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," Jack said softly. "I wanted it to be against my will. It sure as hell started off that way... but all the things you did-" he looked away, ashamed. Mortified. Desperate for Daniel to _just get it _so he wouldn't have to say the damning words. He'd LICKED him, for cryin' out loud, in places that had never seen a tongue! "With your mouth, your fingers..." His voice was now reduced to a whisper. "By the time you got your dick in me, I was a convert. I _needed_ it!"

Daniel tried not to feel smug about that; Jack's expression left no doubt that attitude wouldn't be well received at this point. Jack was obviously tormented by the disconnect of what he'd experienced on the FishPlanet and how he felt about it, and also by what he thought he couldn't have, simply by virtue of what he was. Daniel didn't know of any simple way to remedy any of that.

"But the Air Force doesn't know any of that; nobody does but you and me. And besides, that doesn't prove anything," he continued patiently. "Nobody turns gay overnight; it's not possible."

"Yeah? How was it with you?" Jack demanded. "Once you became sexually aware, were you immediately drawn to both guys and girls?"

"Well, no," Daniel admitted awkwardly. "Actually, it was guys first. The um, girls were somewhat later on." He cleared his throat. "Much. Um, later..."

"Well, there ya go," Jack shrugged, happy to have his point proven, however reluctantly. "How do ya know that this wasn't a gradual thing for me too? That maybe somewhere in my psychological makeup, I was always on the edge of bi, and 291 just tipped me over?"

Daniel's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Well, I don't know much about your life before we met, but I think it's highly unlikely-"

"Besides, I think today is pretty much all the proof anyone would need," Jack admitted sadly. Even now, he could feel his dick lengthening, just being this close to Daniel, the sight and scent of him, the remembered feeling of his skin, filling his senses. Oh, he'd changed, all right. Next thing he knew, he was gonna be wearing sequins and singing show tunes. "Right now, all I can think about is dragging you back into that bedroom, stripping off all your clothes, and licking you from head to toe!"

He'd said it so matter-of-factly, Daniel wasn't really sure at first exactly what he'd heard. He blinked a couple of times, and then rewound it in his head to be sure. "Oh." He cleared this throat again. "Um, tongue baths are good. Excellent, in fact."

Jack smirked. He sipped his drink again -his third- enjoying the look of surprise on Daniel's face. "So you can see why my career in the Air Force is pretty much kaput," he said with an air of finality. He tipped his drink back and finished it, then stepped around Daniel's stunned form. He figured he'd need a whole handful of vitamins and a coupla of bottles of water to dilute the whiskey in his system, or he'd be in a world of hurt in the morning. Not to mention the likelihood of his doing something really stupid in the next couple of minutes.

"Um... so now what?" Daniel asked, following him into the kitchen with a puzzled frown.

Jack pulled out a bottle of water out of the fridge and took a long drink from it. He wiped his mouth on his arm and tried not to notice the fact that Daniel's nipples had peaked into hard, pink little nubs from walking around shirtless. His dick surged, thinking about slurping one into his mouth and suckling until Daniel screamed. He shrugged as nonchalantly as he could, given the swelling in his pants. "There's obviously no point in waiting; I'll put my papers in first thing Monday morning."

Daniel folded his arms across his chest and said quietly but firmly, "No."

Jack sighed deeply and closed his eyes, his head falling back just from the emotional exhaustion of the last half hour. "Daniel," he started tiredly, "I don't... I can't debate this with you..."

"Jack, please-"

"Haven't you been listening?" he asked tightly. "I want you to fuck my brains out! Ideally, a coupla times a day! How in the hell am I supposed to go back out there with you?" He paced to the far side of the kitchen, then turned to face him again. "I don't _want_ you to have this effect on me. I want us to go back to where I bugged the crap outta you, and you were just another annoying scientist, and I wasn't thinking about your dick every coupla minutes!"

Daniel glared at him as Jack finished off his water. "We can't ever go back to the way it was; today pretty much proves that. And I don't think you really want to go back to the way we were. I think you want what I'm offering, and that scares the shit outta you."

Jack threw up his hands. "Fine! You're a big, scary, gay archeologist. Happy?"

Stubborn, intractable, pigheaded, selfish son of a bitch! Suddenly, Colonel 'It's-Easier-to-Beg-Forgiveness-Than-to-Ask-Permission-So-I'll-Defy-the-Standdown-and-Save-the-World' had to abide by the letter of the law and resign, in order not to sully Uncle Sam's good name, yadda, yadda, yadda, completely forgetting about everything else, everyone who was counting on him, the fight against the Goa'uld, his promise to help him find Shau're, all of it. "And you've conveniently forgotten that you _promised_," Daniel accused just as staunchly.

Yeah, he'd promised, and he'd meant it. But that was a lot of time and a lot of mixed up feelings ago, long before they'd had sex, and before Jack had decided his new goal in life was to take it up the ass as often as humanly possible. Don't ask/don't tell aside, the non-frat regs were very clear. "Having a relationship with someone under my command is strictly against-"

"Oh, I hardly ever follow your orders now, Jack," Daniel snorted with an all-encompassing wave of his arm. "Tell me how our being lovers is gonna change that. Oh, wait - I know! Somewhere off world, in a sudden moment of warmth and affection, I could humor you and actually do what you tell me to!"

Jack eyed him critically through narrowed eyes, completely ignoring the other man's indiscriminate use of the word 'lover' and the chill that ran through him at hearing Daniel say it. He continued to cling to the dogma he'd learned by rote, wondering as he spoke the words if he really believed them or was just stating a token objection for the record. He spoke slowly, for the benefit of the obviously brain-impaired among them, and so that Daniel couldn't box him in with his own words. "The regulations clearly state-"

But Daniel was having none of it. "You gave me your word, as an officer and a gentleman, that you'd help me find Shau're and Ska'ara," Daniel said smoothly as he nonchalantly moved closer to the position Jack had taken in the corner of the room. "Is your word worth so little?"

See that? _Box._ "You can't expect me--"

"Oh, but I do. I _expect you_ to make good on your promise to me," Daniel insisted, moving still closer to Jack. "And in turn, I shall make good on mine."

Jack was inside the damn box now, and the lid was closing fast. His heartbeat sped up the closer Daniel got to him. It was unnerving. It was disturbing. It was wonderful. "Your...?" Jack whispered.

"I promised I'd be gentle," Daniel replied, his hand skirting up Jack's bare arm, then his shoulder, sliding around to cup the nape of his neck. As he slowly brought Jack's head down closer to his, Daniel's gaze focused solely on Jack's mouth. "And I will be... so... _very..._ gentle."

Jack saw Daniel's hand move, felt it before it touched his arm, before it ruffled the hair there, predicted the touch of that hand on the back of his neck. He could've stopped it at any time. Certainly could've resisted when Daniel commanded him closer. Definitely could've turned away when the kiss eventually materialized.

But losing himself in Daniel's mouth seemed like such a natural thing to do. Tasting him, feeling Daniel's tongue curling around his, urging Jack to let go, to just let it happen. He did, and as he let himself respond to the kiss, he got bolder and pushed into Daniel's mouth with his own tongue, flicking it over Daniel's teeth, tickling the roof of his mouth with quick, delicate strokes of just the very tip.

Daniel whimpered, deep in his throat.

The helpless, needy sound went straight to Jack's dick, making it impossibly harder. He pulled Daniel more snugly into his arms, using the two inches height he had on him to good advantage, bending Daniel back a little as his own body curved over him.

Daniel reached down with his free hand and grasped Jack's cock, squeezing it firmly through his jeans. "What do you want, Jack?" Daniel murmured against his mouth. "Tell me what you want."

Jack wanted not to think. He didn't want to be responsible, or reasonable, or ethical. "Daniel, I-I_ can't-"_

"You _are,"_ Daniel countered, moving both hands to Jack's ass and kneading what he found there. "You're kissing me. Rather thoroughly, I might add. I know you're feeling confused, Jack. But it's pretty clear that your body wants me."

"God help me, it does. I do," Jack choked. He wanted to get Daniel onto a flat surface and down to bare skin again. He wanted that more than anything. That part of his brain that was still functioning knew he was rationalizing and didn't care.

Daniel smiled and snuck in a kiss on Jack's shoulder. "Let me take you to bed..." he whispered, searching the expectant brown eyes.

Jack had always put duty first. Always. It's what was demanded of all who take the oath. And what did he have to show for twenty-three years of faithful service? Little silver birds on his shoulders, a chest full of medals, an assortment of ragged scars all over him, with just as many on the inside, where no one else could see them, a file with half as many reprimands as citations, the opportunity to lose his life on another planet three times a week, and _still_ he had the honor of coming home to an empty bed every night.

Saving the world was starting to get old. He knew he'd have to be careful to keep this thing, whatever it was with Daniel, separate from the job, but maybe, if he had to, he could do that. Well. He was as sure of that as he could be, considering he had no blood at all left pumping through his gray matter. "You're on."

Daniel's mouth quirked in a tiny smile, and he took Jack's hand and towed him back into the bedroom.

"God, Danny," Jack swallowed as in his belly, icy cold fingers of dread mixed with the scorching heat of desire. "This is--"

"What you want."

"What about you?"

"I never would've approached you, if you hadn't been interested tonight. I would've backed off, kept it to myself forever," he said earnestly. Smiling shyly as he placed his glasses on the nightstand, he said, "I'm glad I won't have to try to pretend anymore; since 291, it's been difficult for me to ignore just how badly I seem to want you."

A shiver ran down Jack's spine, ending up in his balls. He rocked on his heels, hands shoved deeply into the pockets of his jeans. "Ah. Backatcha. Apparently."

Daniel laced his hands behind Jack's neck for a soft kiss. "Eloquent as always."

Jack followed his lead willingly, their mouths already intimately familiar territory as his hands naturally came around Daniel's waist, then found their way down to fondle his ass, drawing him close.

Daniel growled encouragement deep in his throat. "Undress me. Hurry. I wanna feel your hands..."

Snapped out of his trance, Jack replied, "Uh, yeah, okay. I can do that." He worked the button open on Daniel's cords, then lowered the zipper slowly as his fully erect cock fell out between them. Jack swallowed hard and tried to stifle a groan, then let himself look down at the rigid tool between them, ruddy and erect, the tip already wet.

"Jesus, Danny," he muttered. He knelt to help the other man step out of his pants, and found himself eye to eye with another man's dick. A dick, he reminded himself, with which he was already intimately acquainted; his hole clenched at the vivid memory of what Daniel's dick could do... stretching and expanding and owning him. It was even bigger than he'd imagined as he'd knelt before Daniel with his ass in the air. Long and smooth and so very hard.

Daniel could feel Jack's hot breath ghosting across the skin of his thighs, and his cock reared up in anticipation. Having Jack examine him so intimately surely topped his list of' 'really odd stuff that happened today'. One look down at the expression on Jack's face, though, reminded Daniel that this was still a tenuous situation; Jack could get cold feet at any minute and bolt, so a stunning blowjob was probably not in his immediate future.

Daniel stroked Jack's hair lightly to get his attention before he could get completely wigged out. "You're overdressed," he whispered.

"In a minute," Jack replied, waving him off. From this vantage point, Jack got a good look at Daniel's package; the splendid cock that had given him so much pleasure and two completely smooth testicles hanging heavy and ripe underneath an equally hairless dick. Above, there was a light smattering of coarse brown hair covering the top of his groin.

As close as he was, Jack could feel the heat coming off Daniel's skin and his face was completely bathed in the intoxicating aroma of Daniel's personal scent. His heart rate sped up, his breathing became shallow, and his own dick had never been more rigid. The effect of such direct exposure was immediate and primal, requiring no cognizant thought.

His hands on Daniel's ass, Jack pulled him forward until his face was buried in Daniel's crotch. He inhaled as deeply as he could, rubbing his cheeks against Daniel's sac, the swollen and leaking cock bumping against his forehead, cheek and nose as he mouthed everything, running his lips over every available silky-smooth surface.

"Jack..." Daniel moaned. He could feel the warmth of Jack's breath and the scratch of his whiskers chafing at his balls. Goose bumps formed on his ass and the backs of his thighs, and he was having a difficult time not thrusting against Jack's face. "Dear god..." _Jack was marking himself with Daniel's scent..._

Jack was completely overwhelmed by the aroma, by the way it made him feel, hard and achy, and like he wanted to use his mouth. Never mind he hadn't the vaguest clue how to go about giving a blowjob, and the thought of swallowing made him queasy. Daniel... in his mouth, in his body; that's what he wanted. He needed it as he'd never needed anything before, and it scared the crap out of him.

Jack finally forced himself to pull away, swallowing hard with the effort. "So soft," he murmured, his lips whispering against Daniel's straining dick. Seeing another drop of pre-come poised to spill off the plump head of the purplish organ, he kissed it off without thinking. As he pulled away, a slender, glistening thread connected them as the clear pre-come spun like a spider's filament until it was so thin and tenuous, it finally broke, separating them.

He nosed Daniel's scrotum again, so tempted to _just do it,_ take the cock into his mouth, hold it there against his tongue, to suckle from it until Daniel gave up his seed. How difficult could it be? He licked his lower lip, bringing the taste -Daniel's flavor- into his mouth. It was different and foreign and scary, and it gave him space to pause, to get himself under control.

He took a cleansing breath, then looked up, still panting a little, needing some space, a distraction, while he pulled his wits about him. "Do you-ah, shave down here, or was this the result of some kinda college hazing?"

Daniel kept petting Jack's hair, finding it a little surreal to have Colonel O'Neill's face in such close proximity to his dick, and then having a conversation about it besides. But he could feel Jack's nervousness, and was determined not to rush him any faster into this unfamiliar lifestyle than he was comfortable moving.

"Um, sort of the latter, I guess. One night, about six months after you guys left Abydos, and after a long, hot evening of sitting around the fire with the men chewing henqet, which is a purple, fibrous plant kinda like peyote, I was ushered into a tent where Kasuf and the rest of the elders performed the rite of Hewe't Ne't Je'r."

Jack winced. "In English, or don't I wanna know?"

"_I_ don't really know," Daniel replied, joining Jack on the floor. The change of subject was welcome, giving him a chance to regain some control of his own. Seeing Jack's head between his legs, practically underneath his balls, had been incredibly erotic in more ways than one.

"It involved a lot of hot sand, I remember that. It was some kind of fertility rite; it was supposed to help me get Shau're pregnant. I was pretty stoned to begin with and not in any condition to really question them thoroughly. I sorta passed out right after my robes came off and the chanting started up. The next morning, I could never get any of them to talk to me about the origin of the rite; I'm sure it's fascinating. When I checked things out, my nads were still intact, but no hair; it's never grown back." He looked down and ran his fingertips through the light covering that was still there. "Shau're apparently convinced them to leave a little up top." He shrugged, embarrassed. "It's kinda freakish, I know..."

Jack stopped himself from saying what had flashed across his mind as he sat back heavily on his heels. _It's hot as hell - remind me to thank her when we find her._ And once again, cold reality ground the proceedings to a halt. "Daniel..."

Daniel'd seen his expression harden the moment Shau're's name was mentioned. "Don't go there," he warned.

Jack shook his head. "What the fuck are we doing?" he whispered, still sitting on his heels by the bed. "You're _married."_ He couldn't even look Daniel in the eye.

"Isn't that my problem?"

"Yeah. But I don't have to help you betray her."

"You'd rather I betrayed her with someone else? Someone I don't care about?"

"What? No, of course not. You shouldn't be-"

"We talked about this on the FishPlanet."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, assuming you're right, and she'll forgive you for _that_ one, since we were kinda under the gun, but that doesn't excuse _this._ It doesn't give us the right to be together just because we wanna be," he finished gruffly. He spied his dog tags strewn in a jagged line on the floor where Daniel had tossed them. They were a symbol of his own betrothal to the Air Force, and he couldn't help thinking they were silently mocking him now. In truth, they were both promised to others. Jack scooped them up and put them back on like the hair shirt they now were. "You know what?" His voice was low and full of regret. "I can't do this."

Daniel sighed deeply, wondering if they were ready for brutal honesty between them, knowing that Jack deserved no less. "I never would've sought out a relationship with you, Jack," Daniel said softly. "I never even thought of you that way. Most of the time, we're sitting at opposite ends of the philosophical spectrum and doing it at a lot of decibels. And then there's the fact that I love my wife. My marriage is important to me, and frankly all my energy these last couple of years has been focused on getting her back and not on my lack of a sex life."

Sitting naked across from Jack on his bedroom floor, Daniel was free to study Jack's face, the tiny movements casual conversation usually missed, because Jack wouldn't -couldn't- look him in the eye. On the planet in the heat of the moment, Daniel'd honestly thought he could fuck his best friend, and it wouldn't mean anything to either of them.

He'd been wrong.

"But once I'd had you-" He saw Jack wince and stopped, suddenly realizing just how incredibly possessive that sounded, how bare and almost painful in its lack of pretension. He decided he meant every word of it. The incident on the FishPlanet had connected them on some primitive level, and he knew he bore some responsibility for helping Jack work his way through this. More than that, it seemed like he and Jack could have something special together, and he wanted to make it happen.

He licked his lips and started again, trying for an equally true but less demeaning approach. "Once we'd been intimate, I felt responsible for whatever pain I'd caused you, and I was forced to take a closer look. I saw you in a completely different light, and everything changed for me."

Jack snorted then looked away. "Love the one you're with?" It didn't address the larger issue, the one where he'd turned into some kind of sex object, because-- hey, look, he seemed to kinda like that. He closed his eyes and bowed his head, utterly and completely ashamed that he should be acting this needy as he tried to tell himself he didn't sound at all snippy about being someone's _completely accidental_ second choice.

Daniel reached over and cupped Jack's chin, tilting it up, gently demanding the eye contact.

Jack realized with horror that he was actually afraid to give it, fearing what Daniel would be able to read in his eyes. But the warm hand was gentle and insistent, and for cryin' out loud, when _didn't_ Daniel get his way?

"There's an element of that, I suppose," Daniel said earnestly as he continued to stroke Jack's cheek with his thumb. "And I'm sorry if that sounds trite. But if we're gonna be together, we need to be able to be completely honest with one another. I still love my wife, and I will _never_ lose hope of finding her and freeing her. And when we do find her... I'm not naïve; I know she'll have changed... we all have." He leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on Jack's lips, pleased when Jack didn't turn away from him. "And like it or not, in spite of the initial circumstances, I'm pretty sure I could fall in love with you," he whispered.

Jack pulled away, wincing as if struck, and looked back down at his hands again. Sex between him and Daniel was one thing. A bad and terrible thing, punishable by all kinds of military laws and regulations. But love... that was another, very different set of problems. Somebody could get really hurt. "Bad idea."

"Oh, I agree," Daniel replied, leaning back on his arms. "You can be such a royal pain in the ass when you set your mind to it."

Jack surged up onto his knees, bristling with indignation. "Yeah? Well, most of the time you're about one step away from sheer-" Just then, all the blood started to rush back into his legs from where he'd sat on them, and the pins and needles were excruciating. "Arrrgh!"

Daniel helped Jack lurch up onto the bed. As he straightened out his legs, he helped him rub them briskly to hasten the blood return. Gradually, the pain seemed to ease, as indicated by the cessation of Jack's groaning and writhing, and Daniel lay down beside him. He propped his head on an upraised arm, then threw his own naked leg possessively across both of Jack's still-clothed ones.

Jack was acutely aware of Daniel's completely nude body next to his own, the memory of unashamedly pushing his face into the other man's crotch all too vivid, and he threw an arm across his eyes out of acute embarrassment. "Aw, shit, Daniel..."

Daniel's free hand lay gently on Jack's middle, idly brushing the fine hairs against the palm of his hand. "Hmmm?"

Jack squeezed his eyes tightly shut and sighed deeply, shaking his head. _Another fine mess. _ He tried to tell himself he didn't like the petting, but he knew he was lying. He missed interactive sex, missed being the object of someone's desire. He missed being touched intimately, like he mattered.

When it became clear that Jack didn't quite know how to proceed, Daniel decided to give him a nudge. "Jack?" he whispered conspiratorially. "Got any more of those zip ties?"

That did it; Jack's protective arm moved, and his eyes shot open. "Oh, no ya don't! If we're gonna do this, I wanna play along this time!"

Daniel's mouth curled up in a wry smile.

Jack's lips thinned and his eyes narrowed. "I can see we need to address this sneaky streak you've suddenly developed."

Daniel grinned then, a wide-open, _happy_ smile. Jack thought he hadn't seen him this truly joyful since he'd left him with his new wife on Abydos three years before. He reached up and pulled Daniel's face down for a kiss, and then surrendered to it completely. When Daniel pulled away to breathe, Jack cupped his cheek to keep him close and whispered, "This in no way solves the problem."

Daniel sighed. "I don't have any easy answers for you," he replied softly. "No simple platitudes or Get Out of Jail Free cards. I want to have a relationship with you; I'm pretty sure you want that, too. I can't change the regulations of the United States military, and I don't have a crystal ball with respect to Shau're; we might not find her for ten years, or we might find her tomorrow. All I know is... god, I don't want to lose this." He laid his finger gently across Jack's lips. "And please don't ask the next question, 'cause I honestly don't know."

Jack looked up at Daniel, the blue eyes serious and a little sad now. _What happens to US when we find her?_ It was there, between them, and it always would be. And Daniel was right; the two issues were tied together. If Jack decided to leave the service, and therefore the Stargate Program, their chances of finding her at all were significantly reduced.

Jack kissed Daniel's fingers, then grasped them to his chest, over his heart. "We _will_ find her," he pledged.

Daniel smiled, the sadness still visible in his eyes, and then kissed him lightly, skimming their cheeks together on his way to Jack's ear. "I know. I trust you."

Daniel nibbled the cleft in Jack's chin for a moment, then nosed his jaw aside so he could suckle gently on his Adam's apple. Accompanied by Jack's breathy moans, he felt himself lengthening again as he moved down Jack's torso, painting Jack's skin with delicate strokes of his tongue, marking him with his saliva as he tasted him intimately. He followed the arc of his ribcage to the shadow of hair at Jack's center, then traveled down along the fuzzy trail, taking note of the way Jack's belly trembled. "Ticklish?"

"Nope," Jack lied, his hand trying to cover the hollow place on his left side that was particularly sensitive.

Daniel chuckled, then switched to the same place on Jack's other side.

"Bastard!" Jack squeaked, drawing his knees up, and at the same time trying to push away the offending tongue. Apparently, this raised his hips _just_ enough.

"Mmmm," Daniel breathed, "so anxious." He flipped open the snap on Jack's jeans with his thumb and opened the zipper, and before Jack knew what hit him, his jeans were being lowered off his ass, then pulled free with a flourish, exposing him to the air.

"I suppose you know a few tricks with a cherry stem too, right?" he groaned. He was so hard, he hurt, and the fact that Daniel was so good at this, so self-assured, was a constant source of amazement. "And to think I used to be afraid of corrupting your innocence."

"It's the long hair; everybody assumes that."

Daniel licked a broad stripe up his rigid cock from root to tip, causing Jack's abs to spasm as he let out a surprised gasp. "Oh, fuck..." he moaned as Daniel gave his dick a thorough tongue bath.

He knew he'd never again be able to sit at the briefing table and watch Daniel nibble on the tips of his pen without reliving this moment. Not when Daniel's tongue was doing it's best to drill through his slit into the very core of his dick. Digging, swirling, nipping, sucking. It was all good, each move better than the last, and if Daniel kept this up, Jack knew he wouldn't last another two minutes.

Daniel let Jack's cock go with a noisy slurp and stretched up the length of his lover's body like a panther. Bracing himself on his arms, he let some of the weight of his lower body settle onto Jack's and replied, "We could talk about cherry stems if you want, Jack, but right now, I'm really much more interested in making both of us come." He ground his hips against Jack's, whispering, "I need you, and I'm fucking tired of waiting."

Jack pulled Daniel's face down to his, capturing his lips, loving the way Daniel's long hair brushed against his face, loving the taste of him and the needy, demanding edge to his voice. "Do it," was all he could manage before immersing himself in his lover's mouth again.

Daniel wished they could've taken it slow for their first time making love. Lots of kissing and touching and gentle stroking; the kinds of things lovers do to get acquainted. Depending on how well that went, maybe see if Jack was ready to top him. If not, then a nice gentle blowjob just to take the edge off before they moved on to the heavy stuff.

But the buildup had gone on for too long, and they were both desperate. Jack had a hold of his head, just like that time he'd hugged him in the gate room, and he wasn't letting go this time either. Daniel lay between his spread legs, their dicks snuggled up together, both of them leaking from the on again-off again over the past hour and a half, and there'd been so much direct stimulation, it was already too late to slow down.

Jack was kissing him hard, ransacking his mouth, his need so urgent and apparent, it would've been cruel to drag it out. Beneath him, Jack was arching against him, the little moans he made in the back of his throat wordlessly encouraging the rubbing of their bodies to the inevitable, highly desired conclusion. There was simply no way Daniel was gonna stop this freight train before it pulled into the station, and that was just fine with him.

He dropped to his forearms so that more of their skin touched, and the scrape of Jack's dog tag chain against his chest was like the Air Force's willing contribution to the party. As Daniel rocked against him, the motion of their bodies forced the chain and tags to slip away over Jack's shoulder, so that Daniel's nipples could graze Jack's chest hair unimpeded.

They were doing it this time, really doing it, and Daniel took off the brakes and let himself fall the rest of the way. For right now, Jack was his, and he seemed okay with it; they'd work on all the rest together. It was almost shocking, how much raw passion was hiding behind Jack's flip façade, passion that was now Daniel's to enjoy. He pulled out of the kiss, close, so very close, desperate for air, needing to come._ "God, Jack..."  
__  
_Jack released his hold on Daniel's head, running his hands along the straining neck then across the shoulders, feeling them bunch as Daniel continued to thrust against him, his knees scrabbling for purchase against the slick surface of the sheet. Feeling the weight of another man moving against him, Jack wasn't afraid. He wanted to remember every single second of this, wanting to come, but never wanting it to end.

He felt his own balls tighten and pull up, feeling Daniel's sac rubbing against his with unheard-of intimacy, knowing they were both gonna blow any minute, wanting Daniel _make him_ give it up.

However wrong it was, it was wonderful, but not enough. "Wait!" Jack gasped, a double handful of Daniel's ass cheeks clenched tightly in his hands.

"No!" Daniel growled. _Not again._ "Just let it happen-"

"Gah! I _want_ it to happen... the other way."

Panting and over stimulated, Daniel searched Jack's face, looking for a clue. It was a long moment before he finally got it. "There doesn't always hafta be penetration, Jack; I can bring us both off like this-"

It felt amazing, what Daniel was doing to him, thrusting against him, their dicks clashing with every stroke, but he needed more. Jack lifted his legs, wrapping them awkwardly around Daniel's as he pulled him down for a needy kiss. "Danny, please..." Jack whispered, "If we're gonna risk everything to do this, to be together, I want all of it; I wanna go all the way."

Daniel's expression softened at Jack's request, and he rested their foreheads together. He'd been close, really close, just waiting for a sign that Jack was nearly ready before he let himself go. And the way Jack asked, like high school almost, the need in his eyes stoking Daniel's protective urges again. "Jesus," he murmured, "You sure?"

Jack swallowed hard. "Lotion's in the drawer."

Daniel stretched for the nightstand, reaching the tube without pulling them too far apart. He frowned. "We should really use something better than this."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't know what that is, and I don't wanna wait."

"Jack-"

"Will you stop stalling and just get your dick in me?"

"There's prep," Daniel growled at the man beneath him. "Apparently you've forgotten that."

"Haven't forgotten," Jack snapped. He loved feeling Daniel's warm weight spread out on top of him, and he busied his hands running them up and down Daniel's lean flanks, gathering all the skin contact he possibly could. He'd never wanted this kind of intimacy before in his life, and yet suddenly he couldn't get enough of it. "It feels so good to touch you this way, to touch all of you." He leaned up to kiss Daniel's frowning mouth then whispered urgently, "Do it. Hurry."

_"Jack!"_ Daniel fumed to himself about goddamn waiting until the last possible minute then issuing orders like they were in the field. Damn it! Did he think he was in charge of this? Hardly. Jack wanted to be fucked? So be it. Daniel'd had enough waffling to last a lifetime, and he needed to come _now._

He flipped the top open with his thumb and squeezed a huge blob onto the middle of Jack's chest making him gasp with the cold, then tossed the tube aside. "I suppose you want me to use a condom too?"

"What's the point? Didn't last time."

Shifting up to his knees, Daniel commanded, "Hold your legs open for me." When Jack complied, hooking his hands behind his knees, spreading his thighs wide, exposing everything to him, Daniel paused only for a second to admire the incredible sight, then slathered his fingers in the lotion puddle and unceremoniously drove his index finger into Jack's hole.

Jack's body arched with the delicious intrusion, his head thrown back as he let out a spine tingling groan. Reflexively, his sphincter clenched around the slippery digit as Daniel turned his wrist, rotating his finger. Jack thought he could feel the knuckle scraping him inside. Daniel's knuckle. Inside him. _The hottest thing he could imagine._ "Gaaaah_YES!"_ he cried out.

Without waiting, Daniel shoved a second finger in, watching carefully as Jack bit his lip against the fullness, trying to gauge by his responses when he'd be ready for the third.

"Go!" Jack breathed.

Daniel responded immediately, rotating his wrist and screwing the third finger fully into Jack's bottom. Somewhere in the pit of his reptilian brain the thought occurred to him that _he was finger-fucking Colonel Jack O'Neill_, but he couldn't linger on it. With one last rotation, he pulled his fingers out of Jack's ass, stroked the extra lotion onto his own cock, and then moved into position.

"Dear god," Daniel murmured, his heart swelling at the sight before him. Jack's eyes were closed tight, and his mouth had fallen open. Daniel could feel the harsh pants of Jack's breath in his face, and he knew Jack had to be close. "So fucking beautiful when your body takes me in," he whispered.

Jack had one sharp moment of panic, just as the head of Daniel's cock began to breech him, but the fear receded when he forced his eyes open and saw Daniel's face over him, expression intent as he tried to take it slow. He clenched, then tried to bear down, and they were both surprised when Daniel's dick slipped in about halfway.

"Mmm... yeaah," Daniel cooed. "Do that again, and I'm in."

It stung, like he remembered it, but he'd come too far to stop now. He bore down again, and sure enough, Daniel slipped in the rest of the way with a groan of appreciation which was nearly drowned out by Jack's hiss of pain.

"You okay?" Jack's face looked anything but okay. "Relax," Daniel whispered reassuringly. "That's it; hard part's over." He settled onto his forearms and pressed tiny kisses along Jack's chin, until Jack finally relaxed and began returning them. "This what you needed? To feel me inside you?"

Jack swallowed hard. _This was kinkier than words could even begin to describe._ "Oh, god, yeah." He clenched again, enjoying the look of tortured ecstasy that spread across Daniel's face in reply to the stimulation. "Move."

"Moving now," Daniel replied. He made a couple of slow, shallow passes, then lengthened the arc and began to thrust for real, his belly making just enough contact with Jack's package to ratchet up the sensations. When Jack gasped and reached for his cock, Daniel knew he'd hit Jack's happy button.

"Kiss me," Daniel demanded softly. Jack did, their tongues replicating the dance their bodies already knew. Three strokes later, Jack came, whimpering piteously through the kiss as every long-denied drop was wrung from him. When the warm pulsing between them finally stopped, Daniel released the kiss and whispered wetly into Jack's ear, "I love watching you come."

Daniel pushed up onto his arms and set a determined pace, watching Jack's satisfied gaze settle on him. He knew it wouldn't take long; he'd been too close for too long to be able to drag it out like he wanted to. "Mmm, mmm, mmm. Yeah. _Godyouretight._ Gonna come inside you, Jack, fill you up..." He closed his eyes, letting his head fall back, feeling his balls tighten, ready to blow, enjoying the sharp edge of the precipice just before he let himself fall over it.

In the blush of satiety, Jack watched the play of Daniel's muscles as he continued to stroke into his body. His first thought was how very much he loved this man, and he was rather startled by how _not_ surprised he was by that. His second thought, right on the heels of the first, was how careful he'd have to be not to slip and let Daniel know. He understood that they wouldn't even be here, if they hadn't been forced to fuck on the FishPlanet, but now it was free will, combined with some kind of strange inevitability. It was _this deliberate act_ that made them lovers.

But if he only had Daniel on loan, he sure as hell couldn't afford to surrender his heart by telling him any of it.

"Ungh..." Daniel moaned as he felt the climax start to take him. He opened his eyes and let Jack see him raw, needy, completely exposed. "Ohhhh... see what you do to me?" he whispered as he started to come. _"Jack..."_

Doomed relationship aside, Jack thought watching Daniel in the throes of sexual ecstasy was more than worth the price of admission.

When he'd given Jack everything he had to give, Daniel rolled off before he could become an unwelcome weight. As they lay side by side, their bodies still humming from the sex, sticky and cooling as they came back down to Earth, Daniel reached for Jack's hand and intertwined their fingers. "One more thing," he said softly as he caught his breath.

Jack was already hovering on the brink of sleep. Sara would've made him get up to take care of the mess, but he was pretty sure Daniel wasn't gonna care. Besides, he was just about done rubbing it in by this point, and the crust on his belly was practically dry. "What's that?" he managed sleepily.

"From here on out," Daniel said quietly, "the subject of my wife... does not belong in our bed." It didn't seem like too much to ask. He had to parse his life into discrete segments, just for it to make sense; having the pieces intersect in inappropriate ways was simply wrong.

After a long moment, during which Jack couldn't think of anything useful to say -the phrase, _our bed_ had a strangely committed ring to it and punched him in the gut, but the _my wife_ bit was more like a hot knife in his heart- he softly agreed. "Yeah."

Oblivious to how his thoughtless words had affected Jack, Daniel yawned. "Now c'mere. Let's see some of that afterglow snuggling you promised me."

*****

Two months into it, they'd weathered Reetou terrorists, hippies with sunspots, and another round with that bitch Hathor, who was finally, completely dead this time, Jack was sure of it. It was a fate she richly deserved for a whole lot of reasons, not the least of which was the bad haircut she'd given Daniel.

They'd survived Seth's cozy cult and negotiated Asgard treaties in the company of System Lords with petty needs. And as Daniel had predicted, their personal relationship in no way made him any more malleable in the field; Daniel was still stubbornly idealistic, and they still argued, loudly. Unfortunately, in Jack's newfound zeal _not_ to show Daniel favoritism, he didn't stand up to ol' Doc Mackenzie as stridently or as soon as he should have, and as a result, Daniel spent a frightening thirty-six hours alone with Machello's bugs in a padded cell, slowly losing his mind.

Emotions between them were strained afterward, to say the least. On their next mission, Jack went out of his way to convince Hammond to be lenient with the timetable, so Daniel could spend a little longer playing archaeologist with the Orbanian's fancy tile floor. Jack had thought the mission would be little more than a few days of letting Carter and Daniel have their fun, but then they figured out how the Orbanian people handled their kids, treating them to a complimentary brain-drain as soon as they acquired new and interesting knowledge in order to pass it on to the rest of the population.

Jack pushed once too often, bringing Hammond's wrath down on his head and risking court martial, in order to give a little girl a chance to have a taste of what it's like to be a child, without all the pressures and responsibilities of being an adult. Hammond didn't follow through on bringing Jack up on charges, but Jack thought that was probably due more to the fact that one of his granddaughters was exactly Merrin's age, than any particular leniency he felt Jack deserved.

And everywhere they went, they continued to look for Shau're.

In reality, in Jack's book, she was the competition. He liked to think he wasn't petty enough to actually _consciously_ wish her out of the picture, but he knew he could be a selfish bastard, so he didn't put it past himself either. He tried hard to be extra conscientious whenever Daniel said they had a lead, wanting to prove –probably more to himself than to Daniel- that he was worthy of Daniel's unwavering faith in him.

When he'd decided to screw the regs, it'd been a conscious decision, one he could rationalize easily under the circumstances. But he had a hard time not seeing Shau're's face whenever he and Daniel were intimate. Wondering... things he had no business wondering.

Jack remembered having it drummed into his head on more than one occasion as he was growing up, sitting around the dinner table with his parents and his younger brothers. 'A virtuous life is its own reward', or some such variations on a theme.

He knew he'd never be accused of being virtuous, his time in Special Forces pretty much had guaranteed that, but he tried to live at least a _fair_ life. He didn't waste any more effort on useless guilt or self-recriminations, and he quietly cherished every moment he and Daniel had together, because he knew that one day, they'd find Shau're, and he'd have to step aside and give her husband back.

He figured if he said it to himself often enough, maybe he'd actually be able to let Daniel go when the time came, without making a complete ass out of himself.

****

Somewhere in their third month together, after they'd sent Quantum Carter and Kowalski back to the alternate dimension from which they'd come, they ran into Aris Boch. The official debrief went... officially, but the private debrief afterward at Jack's house got a little heated.

"You were flirting with him, for cryin' out loud!"

"Yeah, so? You kissed Alternate Sam!"

"Hey! She kissed _me!"_ Jack replied defensively, then pointed an accusing finger Daniel's way. "And don't change the subject. You admit you were flirting with that skanky bounty hunter?"

Daniel sighed as he stripped off his shirt. "He was holding us prisoner. I got a vibe he was interested. Why wouldn't I use every weapon I had at my disposal to try to get us all outta there?" Daniel argued reasonably. "Like when you pushed Sam out into the highway to flag down passing cars. Wasn't that you using all your resources to get us home?"

"Ah-aht! Subject!" Jack hollered, yanking his own shirt off over his head. "What if he'd taken you up on it? What if he'd shoved Teal'c and Carter and me into the back room so he could have his way with you?"

"Then I'd've had him right where I wanted him, wouldn't I?" Daniel said, earnestly looking up at Jack as he stepped closer. "And while he was distracted puttin' the moves on me, you'd do your cavemen thing and render him suitably helpless, thereby saving my questionable virtue. Right?" He'd moved closer to Jack, running the edge of his thumbnail up and down the fly of Jack's jeans.

"Well, uh... yeah. Assuming we could figure out the uh-"

"You wouldn't've let him have me, would you?"

"Hell, no," Jack replied, his voice low and thick. He remembered they were fighting about something, but as his dick started to lengthen against Daniel's teasing hand, he was finding it difficult to remember what it was he was supposed to be mad about.

Daniel smiled. "Good." He leaned in, Jack responded, and they were kissing. Shoes and pants were shed and luscious nudity ground most of the rest of the conversation to a halt. As always, when things began to heat up, Jack pushed his face right into Daniel's crotch, but went no further. Daniel found only one word to describe the look on Jack's face while he was sniffing at him and looking his fill. _Worship._

This was a predictable pattern, one Daniel thought he'd figured out. This time, he stroked Jack's hair, then gently cupped the back of his neck, slowly guiding him closer. "Suck me," he murmured.

Apparently that was all Jack had been waiting for, and his tongue snaked out and licked the blunt head of Daniel's dick before he could change his mind. Jack had already decided he liked the scent of aroused male, and the quick taste he got of Daniel's skin only reinforced that. He groaned softly, sliding his mouth around just the head. Firm, silky skin slid against his tongue, and as Daniel moaned his pleasure at what Jack was doing to him, the sounds he was making made Jack want to keep doing it. Longer, harder, deeper, whatever it took to make Daniel continue to make those noises.

"Ohhhh... so good, Jack," Daniel praised. He was careful not to thrust into Jack's welcoming mouth, content to let him take it at his own pace. He hadn't pushed Jack before he was ready, waiting patiently for Jack to feel comfortable enough to love him this way. Jack's eagerness with performing the activity now was genuine, and it showed. There was something so incredibly hot about Jack being so enthusiastic to taste him, to please him. He let his head fall back as he concentrated on the feel of Jack's first blowjob.

Still clutching Daniel's dick between his lips, Jack glanced up at the man standing by his bed. _Their bed._ Watching Daniel's face at the same time his tongue circled his cock was a heady experience. He knew he wasn't very good; he barely got half of Daniel's length into his mouth before his gag reflex kicked in. But Daniel sure liked it; he'd thrown his head back, and his mouth was open, a low noise rumbling in his throat.

Jack went back to what he was doing, cupping Daniel's ass as he tried out various patterns of licking and sucking, different speeds, as he continued to learn to make love to Daniel with his mouth. Then Daniel lifted his leg, placing his foot gingerly on the edge of the bed, leaving his balls dangling freely in Jack's face. Jack hesitated only a moment before slurping one of them into his mouth.

Daniel groaned, and Jack was spurred on to try to get both of them into his mouth at the same time, but he couldn't orient the widest part of his mouth with the widest part of Daniel, so he left that for another time and responded to Daniel's moans of pleasure by simply licking his sac as it swung, smooth and tight between his lover's legs.

By this time, Daniel was mewling continuously, and Jack was feeling terribly smug as he took the cock into his mouth once again, concentrating on laving the bottom of it while he cupped and fondled the smooth orbs beneath.

Daniel was starting to feel it in his toes; the inescapable need was building and soon would be out of his control. "Mmmm... unless you're ready for a mouthful, you'd better back off some," he warned, sucking his breath in sharply.

Jack let the rigid cock slip out with a noisy slurp. "You think you coulda come from that?"

Daniel arched an eyebrow and exhaled the breath he'd been holding. "You're kidding, right?"

Smug again. "Sweet."

Daniel pushed Jack onto the bed, reversing their positions. Jack tried to pay attention to Daniel's technique as Daniel went down on him, but as always, from just about the first moment Daniel's tongue touched the spongy head of his dick, tickling the bit just beneath it with his tongue, Jack's brain left the premises. Daniel was able to deep throat the whole thing, and then nose around Jack's pubic hair besides. When he added rolling Jack's balls in his large, calloused hand, it was more than Jack could take. With a single grunt, Jack came, and Daniel continued to suckle gently on the softening cock until his balls were empty.

"Sorry..." Jack panted.

Daniel wiped his mouth on his arm. "For what?"

Jack waved his hand in the area of his spent dick. "Didn't warn ya; wasn't time."

Daniel smiled as he crawled up Jack's replete body, letting his leaking dick skim across the hairy limbs. "I don't need a warning. I love the way you taste." He planted a kiss on Jack's belly, which still smelled like the herbal shower gel he kept on base, and nosed through his chest hair, heading for the nearest nipple. He licked it with broad stripes of his tongue, pleased when Jack's body arched into the touch. "You're a very sensual guy, Jack; I never suspected it."

"S'probly all your fault," Jack gulped, trying to get his breath back, but Daniel was still doing things to him, and everything was hypersensitive.

Daniel interrupted the teasing meal he was making of Jack's neck. "No, I think you're just out of practice. And you know how I love a challenge."

"Hah. I'd like to think you were gettin' something out of all this, but I've got no delusions on that score. I definitely got the better end of this deal."

Daniel was on the move, his tongue flicking out at unanticipated targets on his way to his final destination. "But you're a very good student. I love when you tease me with your mouth. Your tongue. Your teeth."

"Oh, fuck - what the hell're you doing now?" Daniel had dug his slippery thumb just behind Jack's balls and was exerting a delicious amount of pressure with determined little circles. It was... distracting.

"Gonna make you come again."

Jack snorted. He figured he could've been halfway to sleep before Daniel started the thumb thingy. He could probably still get there if Daniel would just knock it the hell off. "Yeahsureyabetcha. Just as soon as I have a little nap."

"Oh, I don't think so," Daniel murmured, bringing his attention to the other nipple. "You got me pretty hot with that blow job; not sure I can wait that long."

Jack peered at Daniel through one slitted eye. "You know how long it's been since I've been able to shoot twice in one night?"

"You gonna need paper and pencil to figure it out, or can ya do it in your head?" Daniel asked, pushing Jack's legs apart and settling in between them.

"Very fun-NY!" Jack yowled. "What the hell?" There'd been some pushing, a gentle shove, and now Daniel's head was between his legs. He was lapping at the thumb place, and dangerously close to... other places. Down there. "Daniel...?"

"Mmmm?" Daniel replied half-heartedly. He loved rimming. It was warm and musky and personal, and from Jack's reactions, it seemed like none of Jack's partners had ever loved him that way before. He loved the way Jack sucked in a surprised breath then just held it as Daniel teased his entrance. As though he thought he should say no, but just couldn't bring himself to do it.

Jack's mouth went instantly dry. "Oh. God." Daniel'd done this to him on the planet of the FishPeople and Jack had gone hard immediately, despite the circumstances. And now, after only a handful of minutes, his dick was showing genuine signs of renewed interest. He'd been rolled to his side and Daniel was kneeling behind him on the floor, holding his cheeks apart, and laving his entire crease with his probing tongue. He clenched experimentally and heard Daniel chuckling filthily behind him.

It felt so good, all the movement and activity at his back door, and it made him ache for more. He rolled up onto his knees and spread his legs, enjoying the way his balls swung free. He was offering himself shamelessly, his breathing labored, because he remembered what came next.

"You want it, don't you?"

Jack's head was to the mattress, his ass in the air; it must've been fairly obvious that he wanted it. Still, hearing Daniel say the words out loud made his cock jump. "Yeah... _oh god,_ yeah."

Daniel attacked his ass then, biting, nipping and growling, lapping long stripes from the back of his sac, across the space in between and fluttering tiny licks across the opening itself. Jack was moaning and shifting on his knees, as if he could somehow entice the tongue to land more forcefully and with more endurance, and just _get the hell in there..._

Jack took himself in hand with a kind of squeezing pull, thumb brushing up just behind the head at the end of each stroke. He could feel the swing and tug of his balls with every jerk, helping the tension build. Huh; Daniel'd been right; he was definitely gonna be able to come again.

Daniel dug into Jack's hole as best he could until his tongue was tired and his dick was throbbing with need. He gave one last long slurp and then reached for the lube, letting some drizzle down the crack of Jack's ass, then pushing it inside with first one finger, then two. While his fingers were stretching him, Daniel busied himself rocking his dick against the back of Jack's thigh.

"How do you want it?"

"Just like this," Jack groaned, pushing back.

"Deep, then." He squirted some on his dick and gave himself two pulls before he lined up, rubbing the head of his cock against the puckered opening as he stroked Jack's ass with the other hand.

Jack groaned again, clenching. Needing it. "Deep as you can. _Hard."_

"Jack-"

"Just _do it."  
__  
_Daniel shoved in. Jack's body gave way grudgingly, relaxed from coming once, desperately horny from the rimming. "Love being inside you," he muttered to Jack's back. "So fucking much..."

Jack wanted to say something too. He had to sink his teeth into his lower lip to keep the words inside. _Love it when you fuck me. Need you, want you... Mine._

Jack held back the words to keep his heart safe from all of that. Instead, he angled his hips, trying to find that one position that would give him the fireworks he craved.

"Be still," Daniel ordered as though he could read Jack's thoughts. "Who's drivin?" Several long, luxurious strokes later, Jack let out a raw grunt as he jerked his head up. Daniel moved his hands from Jack's hips to his shoulders, his thrusts short and jabbing, now. Hard. The rhythmic slapping of their flesh was the only sound in the room, until his own climax rumbled through him like thunder.

Daniel kept stroking through the aftershocks of his own orgasm until he heard Jack grunt beneath him. "Jack?" he panted.

"Yeah... that's it. Gotta sleep now." He lurched forward, disengaging them, then continued until he was fully prostrate on the bed, mindless of the wet spot he was lying in.

Daniel grabbed the blanket from where it'd landed on the floor and then flopped down beside him, covering them both.

*****

It was dark when Jack came to reluctant consciousness. Stiff and sore, he lay completely motionless for a minute, wondering what had awakened him. Long moments later, he knew. Daniel was lying curled up on his side facing away from him, sobbing silently. Every fiber of Jack's being screamed for him to take Daniel into his arms, to find out what was wrong, to try to comfort him.

But another instinct told him to mind his own damn business. He didn't have to be a genius to figure out what was bugging Daniel. The only rule Daniel had laid down for them was painful in its simplicity; there was be no mention of Shau're in their bed. That was almost certainly what this was about.

Like she wasn't hangin' out between them every single minute anyway.

So Jack closed his eyes and feigned sleep, keeping his breathing regular and loud enough to be heard, understanding that only in the darkest part of the night could Daniel let himself cry for her. He figured the kindest thing he could do for his friend was to give him privacy in which to make his peace with his personal demons.

*****

This wasn't the first time Daniel had cried in their bed. He knew it probably wouldn't be the last, either. He was also reasonably certain he'd woken Jack up, but he'd long ago stopped wondering why Jack kept pretending to sleep. Whatever, it was probably for the best.

Daniel had always been serially monogamous in his relationships, loving one person at a time, with singular attention and devotion. He didn't think he possessed the ability to split his attention to adequately care for more than one person at a time. He'd known that, when he agreed to the Djorrn's punishment. He hadn't thought it a problem at the time, because, well, it was just sex, and it was only Jack. And who'd've thought he could ever fall in love with Jack O'Neill?

But fall he had, and with eyes wide open, Daniel had begun a completely voluntary sexual relationship with him. He'd easily been able to turn Shyla down, once he was in his right mind again, and he'd never had a second thought about it.

But Jack... Jack was another matter altogether.

If they found Shau're, _when_ they found her, he would tell her he loved her and how much he'd missed her, and that he'd never completely lost hope. But he also planned to tell her that he was sharing another's bed, and that even though she'd returned to him, and although he was more than grateful for that, he couldn't choose between them. Wouldn't. He needed Jack in a way he'd never needed anyone ever before; they completed each other. In a lot of ways, they'd been connected since Ra; it was almost as if his relationship with Jack had actually come first.

Daniel was still desperately in love with his wife and completely devoted to finding her. And yet, he knew deep in his heart that he'd never be able to give Jack up now.

He was _so_ deeply screwed.

*****

They'd all felt pretty good about saving Mary from getting a hole drilled into her head, and for liberating Simon's village from the tyranny of the Canon and his boss, the Unas. After the official celebratory team night had broken up, Daniel feigned an overindulgence of beer _-again-_ in order to stay at Jack's house after Sam and Teal'c left. Once they were finally alone, Daniel wasted no time getting Jack into the bedroom.

He sidestepped the usual blowjob entrée and went straight for the main course, pushing a naked Jack onto the bed on his back. Jack started to lift his legs for the prep, but Daniel just smiled as he nibbled Jack's torso on his way to straddling him. The kissing was deep, and Jack's hands were moving constantly up Daniel's thighs and then around his ass, cupping his asscheeks, squeezing them.

"Wanna try something new," Daniel whispered into his ear.

Even after all these months, Jack missed Daniel's silky hair in his face, and silently damned Hathor again for chopping it all off. "Anything you want."

Daniel reached for the lube, then rocked back onto his heels to drizzle it all over Jack's cock.

"This is new and different," Jack observed wryly as Daniel smoothed it on with an achingly good downstroke.

Smiling, Daniel took a couple of pulls of his own dick before bracing his hand on Jack's chest and curving his back so he could bury two of his slick fingers into his own ass. Under his clean hand, he could feel Jack's heart speeding up.

"Danny...?"

Daniel smiled. "You realize you called me that on the mission?"

Jack frowned, terribly distracted by watching Daniel's fingers disappear into his own body. "No, I didn't."

Daniel held Jack's cock upright as he lined up over it. "You did." He closed his eyes, deliberately relaxing his muscles, bearing down to ease the penetration. He winced as the head of Jack's dick pierced him; it'd been a long time since he'd bottomed, and he was definitely out of practice. "Just as I started my 'peaceful travelers' spiel," he groaned. "You said, 'They're not buying it, Danny'."

Jack swallowed hard, the sensations assaulting him hard and fast. "I did?" he managed. His dick was harder than he ever remembered it being, and the pressure of Daniel's beautiful ass squeezing all around the head was exquisite; he was pretty sure his toes were curling. "Musta slipped out I guess; hafta be more careful," he ground out. _"Jesus!"_

Daniel stopped for a moment and opened his eyes. Beneath him, Jack's expression was intense. He knew how difficult it was to take it slow, when all you really wanted to do was slam it in. He smiled. "It was definitely the wrong time to have a rush of erotic feelings, but it reminded me you hadn't topped yet." He bore down again, feeling his body begin to open reluctantly as the thick organ burrowed ever deeper. He rested his forehead against Jack's and bore down again, causing Jack's cock to settle into him fully. "Ahhhh..."

Jack grabbed Daniel around the waist, holding him tightly. "Have. Mercy," he gasped.

"Pretty good, huh?"

"Fuck, yeah!" His abs contracted instinctively, and he started to lean up, which was ridiculous, because he had a full-grown man straddling him. But he wanted to move; he _needed_ to move! "What- how-"

"Like this," Daniel suggested. He shifted to brace his weight on his left arm on the bed and lifted off a couple of inches. "Can you-"

Moaning as the cool air hit the part of his cock that wasn't sheathed inside Daniel's warmth, Jack instinctively thrust his hips upward to get back inside.

Daniel kissed him. "That's it. Keep doin' it just like that." His right hand slithered in between them and he started jerking in time with Jack's thrusts; he was pretty sure this would be a fast one.

Sure enough, after only a couple of minutes of erratic and increasingly desperate thrusting, Jack grunted through clenched teeth, "Gonna come!"

"With ya," Daniel said, increasing the speed of his jerking hand. "Oh, yeah... fuck me, Jack..."

For the first time since they'd started their affair, Jack's climax was actually noisy. "Oh... oh... _ungh..._ ohgodohgodohgod!"

The raw and needy sound of Jack's climax set him off, and Daniel came right behind him, warm jets of semen splattering Jack's chest and neck. When Jack's hips slowed and finally collapsed beneath him, Daniel followed, and they stayed connected as he leaned forward to lick up the puddles he could reach.

"Are you...?" Jack opened his eyes to see Daniel peering at him, long pink tongue slipping out from between his lips as he slurped up his own come. "Sonofabitch," he huffed. "You are."

"Tastes good," Daniel whispered. "Sexy. See?" Then he leaned down and kissed Jack, gently encouraging his lips to open. When they did, he didn't force things, but let Jack come to him with timid swipes of his tongue to sample Daniel's most intimate flavor.

Jack wrapped his arms around him as the kiss deepened, holding them close with every ounce of strength he possessed. His dick was still buried deeply inside his lover, and a tighter, more exciting fit he'd never had. The taste on his tongue was completely foreign, and yet he felt desire spike again, knowing it was Daniel's seed he was tasting. He couldn't get enough of either one, and a needy groan escaped his lips as the kissing turned demanding from both sides.

*****

They made love again later that night, and this time Jack took Daniel from the top, enjoying the hell out of the dominant position. Afterwards, he licked up every drop Daniel spilled and fed some of it back to him. Their bodies locked together, still sweaty, and panting from the sex, Jack leaned down to cover Daniel's face and neck with rough kisses.

This was so bad; so much worse than if he'd just stayed on the bottom. It was all he could do not to smother him with sappy declarations of love and eternal devotion at the same time. A right, he reminded himself sharply, that he hadn't earned and didn't deserve.

However many times they loved, and however deeply they felt, theirs was not a union that could proclaim 'forever'. That kind of thing was reserved for couples who had a right to be together; he and Daniel were just stealing time. Because Daniel's heart had been committed to someone else from the very beginning.

*****

The next morning, in a voice still rough with sleep, Daniel calmly stated over the rim of his first cup of coffee that it was high time they told the team.

Jack schooled his features to remain calm; it wouldn't do to start arm waving and shouting, not if this was merely a pre-caffeinated brain burp. "You're unusually amusing at this early hour, Doctor Jackson," he observed tartly, pouring himself a mug, and leaning casually against the kitchen counter with it. "To what do we owe this rather uncharacteristic display of jocularity?"

Daniel's shrug was casual, but his gut was churning. They'd passed some kind of milestone last night, and in the sobering light of the proverbial morning after, he felt he had to do something. He hadn't been sure exactly what until he saw Jack walk into the kitchen, shirtless.

"They deserve to know," Daniel said easily. He suppressed a shiver and chastised himself for not grabbing his own shirt.

Jack bit down on his knee-jerk response. _Why? Because I finally fucked you back, we're officially a couple now?_ "Uh huh." Jack narrowed his eyes and gestured with his cup. "Have I mentioned the whole against-the-regs thing?"

"Numerous times, thanks."

"Good," Jack smiled stiffly. "Glad we got that cleared up."

"Mmmm... not exactly," Daniel replied, setting his own coffee down and leaning back in his chair. "There's the matter of the rather large hickey on your neck." He casually pointed in that direction.

Jack's free hand flew to his throat as his mug got set down hard. With two strides he was examining his reflection in the shiny surface of the toaster. _Son of a bitch._ Sure enough, low on his neck, near his collarbone, was a rather large grouping of deep red broken blood vessels.

Daniel came up behind him, snaking his arms around Jack's naked middle as his warm chest pressed up against his back. Finally, a pointed chin landed on his shoulder as Daniel squinted to get a good look at Jack's reflection. "Wow. That's a real beauty."

Jack wrenched free of the embrace, turning to face him. "Not funny, Daniel," he said tightly, abandoning his coffee to stare out the kitchen window, teeth grinding. What the hell had Daniel been thinking? Jack had been so careful not to bite or scratch Daniel in any way -not that he hadn't wanted to- and here the bastard was, marking him like he had the right to do so. Like Jack was territory he'd conquered.

Daniel slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans and took up Jack's space against the counter. "No. It's not funny at all. I didn't do it on purpose, but I won't deny liking the way it looks on you." There was definitely a dark pleasure winding its way around his balls at seeing the results of having marked his lover so vividly; no one would be able to miss the crimson splotch right near his collarbone, nor mistake it for anything but what it was. "There'll be questions in the locker room, and I, for one, don't want to lie to Teal'c and Sam."

"You won't have to," Jack snapped over his shoulder. "I'll do it."

"Jack-"

"Drop it, Daniel," Jack ordered as he turned to stride out of the kitchen. "We're not telling them that you and I're fucking."

"Is that how you think of it?" Daniel asked as he followed Jack into the bedroom, arms folded tightly across his chest.

"Can we not have this discussion right now?" Jack asked, yanking a clean shirt out of the dresser and holding it up to examine it. He decided it didn't have a high enough collar to cover the mark and discarded it onto the bed. He dug down deeper in the drawer and pulled out a sweater, then shrugged into it, running a hand through his hair afterward.

"When's a better time, Jack? The next time I'm buried inside you balls deep? The next time you're in me? I don't know about you, but I'd rather not split my attention that way." He paused, weighing his words and finally deciding to spit it out. "Are you ashamed to be with me?"

"No! Yes!" He stopped long enough to shoot Daniel a withering glare. "That's a trick question."

"No," Daniel said quietly. "It isn't."

"The hell it isn't," Jack argued, stuffing his feet into socks. "You know damned good and well that we're hiding from a couple of huge issues here."

"You're talking about the fact that you're in thrall to the Air Force," Daniel nodded.

Jack grabbed his keys, wallet, and a handful of loose change off the top of his dresser and stuffed them into the pockets of his chinos. "And _you're_ married," Jack replied tightly. He yanked his cell phone off its recharger base and pocketed that, too. "And I have no real desire to tell the world I'm helping you commit adultery."

Daniel's expression hardened as he watched Jack grab his leather jacket off the chair and step into his loafers, heading for the front door. "That part's nobody's business but mine."

Jack spun on his heel, his hand on the doorknob. Anger thinned his lips, but the sadness in his eyes softened the delivery to something sharper and even more painful. "Y'think? Well, forgive me for buttin' in; I guess I kinda felt like we were in this together. My mistake. Lock up when you leave."

"Jack!" The only reply was the sound of the front door, firmly closing in his face.

Daniel stood in the front hall of Jack's house, listening to the fading sounds of Jack's truck making its way down the street. He stood there for a couple of minutes, waiting, before finally admitting to himself Jack wasn't coming back. SG-1 had pulled back-to-back missions -something about tracking down an errant UAV- and they were both due at the mountain for the briefing within the hour. Daniel didn't want to leave things this way between them, but there wasn't much he could do about it now.

He finished getting dressed and locked up the house, then headed for the mountain. As he drove, he mulled over his guilt about Shau're. What else was new? He would never give up hope for her, but that didn't mean he hadn't already mourned her. If his relationship with Jack -whatever the hell it was- had helped him adjust emotionally to the inevitability of losing her and move on, that was really no one's concern but his own. No one who hadn't lost their spouse to a snake could possibly understand just how horrible the waiting and wondering was, and how debilitating it was to live through one fruitless search after another, while equal parts hope and dread filled your belly.

And what, exactly, did 'faithful' mean, anyway? Hadn't he already blown that with Hathor? With Shyla, certainly. Even if he and Jack had never slept together after that time on the planet of the FishPeople, Daniel was pretty sure he'd started falling in love with him soon after. Wasn't that betrayal enough? What did it really matter where his dick went, if he'd already given his heart away to Jack?

He was just coming to understand that, in a very real way, his wife had died the day Apophis took her as his queen. No one who wasn't standing in his shoes could possibly know just how ashamed he was of even living, much less trying to find some happiness, while she was condemned to be one of the living dead.

*****

They'd watched Apophis die in their infirmary six months before, and it was that bit of tape which finally convinced Captain Kyle Rodgers that the final challenge he and his 'men' had been training for was never coming. Convincing the rest of his compatriots had been tricky, but Jack's 'shoot first, movie later' plan had worked like a charm.

As each batch of Intar-ed soldiers woke up, Carter replayed the snippet of film of the old boy croaking, and Rodgers' men laid down their weapons. After the premiere and two encores, everyone was finally on board, pass the popcorn, please. SG-5 and SG-12 came through to supervise the relocation of the young soldiers, and SG-1 was checked out, debriefed, and sent home for a three-day leave.

Daniel was only moments behind Jack in the locker room and jogged to catch up to him in the parking lot. The request was made and answered silently over the roof of Jack's truck in the blink of an eye. As soon as Jack popped open the door lock, Daniel got in and buckled up. Not one word was exchanged during the twenty-minute ride to Jack's house.

Once there, Jack headed immediately to the phone and speed dialed the Thai place, ordering their favorite dishes from memory. He grabbed a beer with one hand as he pulled out the half-full bottle of Chardonnay, waving it in Daniel's direction.

"No. I think we need to do this completely sober."

Jack put the wine back and pried the cap off his beer with a flourish. Defiantly holding Daniel's gaze, he took a deep drink. "There's gonna be a 'this'?" he asked warily.

Hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans, Daniel nodded. "I think I need to say... this."

"Do I need to hear... this?" Jack winced in spite of himself, thinking there wasn't enough Guinness in the world to numb the pain of whatever Daniel would say now.

Daniel sighed. Jack was stalling, trying to exasperate him, maybe hoping he'd get so annoyed he'd call a cab and leave. Wasn't gonna happen. "Yes, you need to hear it. This is important." He pulled out a kitchen chair and plopped into it, running one hand through his hair and taking a deep breath. "I've developed some pretty strong feelings for you. I'm not sure what you'd call what we've got going, but it's _something."_ He clasped his hands between his knees, his eyes on Jack's face. "I want to tell them, Jack. I hate feeling like I should be ashamed of us when I'm not. They're family, and you don't lie to family."

"We're not ly-"

"Yes, we are," Daniel argued, waving one arm toward the living room. "Every time I pretend to pass out on that couch so they'll go away and leave me here to 'sleep it off till morning', we're lying to them."

Jack sighed, and followed it with another deep drink. "Are _they_ gonna want to hear this?"

"I think they'll be happy for us."

Jack walked out of the kitchen shaking his head, knowing Daniel would get up and follow. "Oh, for cryin' out loud. Get real. You said Carter was judging you before," he said, dropping heavily into a chair. "You don't think she'll judge you plenty, once you tell her you're fucking me?"

"I wouldn't say it to her that crudely," Daniel snarled in annoyance.

"No? Then how?"

Daniel crossed his arms again. "That I... care for you. Deeply. And I hope... I'm pretty sure..." He swallowed hard, hoping his voice wouldn't break as he back-pedaled. "I'd like to think you care for me, too."

Jack ruthlessly dug his thumbnail into the pad of his first finger, giving his brain something else to focus on, so it wouldn't notice that his heart was breaking. "Uh huh. So, you're gonna use euphemisms, so she won't realize what you actually mean is that you're fucking me. Is that your plan?" Christ, he couldn't stop, and his voice came out even harsher than he meant for it to be. "Make sure Carter knows it all, Daniel, okay? So she can get in _really_ deep trouble if she's ever questioned about us and has to lie." He took another sip of his beer, more for something to do than because he really wanted it. Forcing a gentler tone, Jack asked in a low voice, "Tell me... explain it to me slow, in really simple words even I can understand.... how's that gonna benefit anybody?"

Daniel had crossed the room during Jack's tirade and was now staring down into the empty fireplace grate with his hands crammed into his pockets. In a voice he hoped didn't sound as distressed and insecure as he felt, he asked, "Do you care for me, Jack?"

Every loving word Jack had kept himself from saying for the past five months threatened to bubble to the surface, screaming to be heard now. _I don't just care for you, you overeducated geek; I love you. Being with you makes me wanna shave extra close. I wanna grow old with your dick inside me. _ But he couldn't say them, not ever, because he wouldn't compete with Shau're for Daniel's affection; he refused to make Daniel choose between them. He had that much integrity, at least.

He manfully forced every one of those sappy sentiments back down and said quietly, "Of course I _care_ for you, Daniel, but that's not really what we're talkin' about here, is it?"

"I don't know what you mean," Daniel said softly.

"I think you're looking for some kinda... I dunno, outside validation. And because of who we are, what we are... we're never, _ever_ gonna get that."

"I'm not--" Daniel stopped, catching his lower lip between his teeth, willing Jack's words not to be true. "I don't care about validation. You and I are the only thing that matters."

_Right. You, me, your snaked wife, and the United States Air Force. Just one big dysfunctional family. _He set his beer down and walked up behind Daniel, pulling him back against his chest, wrapping him up tight in his arms. When Daniel didn't pull away, Jack whispered against his cheek, "Then what do we need to tell anybody else for?"

Daniel turned in his arms, holding Jack away with his hands pressing on Jack's shoulders. "This doesn't in any way solve your problem with the Air Force."

"Strangely, I'm less concerned about that than I am about you stepping out on your wife. If all goes well, no one but you and I will ever know that I haven't taken the non-frat regs to heart. And if I continue to do my job, then it was a moot point anyway. Not so with the adultery thing. I'll have to face her one day, too, y'know."

"Does that bother you?" Daniel asked quietly.

Jack's eyebrows soared as he placed the palm of one hand on Daniel's cheek. "Doesn't it bother _you?"_

Daniel thought about it for a moment. "I have to believe she'll understand." Or maybe he'd finally started to believe they weren't going to get her back, ever. Or that if they did, that his beautiful, innocent Shau're would be forever changed by what she'd seen and done, and there would be no future they could share. Maybe he was starting to accept that, as though the unbearable sadness had already played out, and he could put the memories of his first spouse to rest and allow himself to move on, to let Jack in all the way.

Time enough to tell everyone, then.

*****

SG-1's three day leave was interrupted a little more than halfway through the first day, as the simultaneous buzzing vibration of two cell phones on the nightstand tore through their mid-afternoon make-up sex. _Buzzzz.  
_  
"Don't!" Daniel grunted as Jack's arm snaked out toward the noise. "Let it go." He pulled out and slid back in slowly, tortuously, ending the thrust with a little circle of his hips. The phone buzzed again, but Daniel was determined not to be rushed through this; it was too good.

Jack was on his back, his legs resting against Daniel's forearms, his body spread wide open, his head thrown back, very willingly at Daniel's mercy. As Daniel continued the slow thrust-and-roll, it occurred to him that maybe Jack had been a little bit right the night before. Maybe his need to tell the others was more a form of bragging than guilt for the necessary subterfuge. _Buzzzz._

Maybe he wanted everyone to know Jack was his because his feelings for this man had gotten too big to contain. His love for Jack was real and powerful, and the need to say it out loud was getting overwhelming.

And he just as desperately wanted Jack to say it back.

Another long, slow slide into Jack's welcoming body, and Daniel was close. Very, very close. But he wouldn't let himself get off before Jack did. He rotated his hips and pushed in deep, deeper, rocking Jack back on his shoulders a little, knowing he'd found Jack's gland, knowing Jack loved the direct stimulation deep inside better than the thrusting which was what brought Daniel close. _Buzzzz._

Jack groaned low and long, arching into it, working his own cock. He'd completely forgotten the cell phone as he gave himself to Daniel to do with as he pleased. "Fuck, yeaaaaahh..."

"It's time," Daniel whispered softly, circling his hips again and again. "Come for me."

Daniel's hot breath in his ear was the straw that broke him; Jack came because he had to; Daniel had commanded it. Emptying himself between them, some of it running up the crease of his neck from the way Daniel had him doubled over, crying out with the blessed relief of it, not able to stay quiet as he came anymore, he just barely was able to keep the words his heart felt inside.

Daniel leaned into him, taking his mouth with the last shudders of Jack's climax and the beginning of his own, kissing him deeply, pouring his feelings into the kiss even as he pumped his own life force into Jack's body. More and more, until he thought it would never stop, he continued to nudge Jack with his hips until he was sure his balls were empty.

He released the kiss, backing off just enough so that Jack could unfold and lower his legs a bit, but not so far that they'd come apart. Still hard and deeply plugged into his lover, Daniel figured this was as good a time as any for the baring of souls. He'd waited in mourning for long enough; time to start anew.

"Jack...?" Daniel started, his mouth dry from the exertion. He swallowed hard and tried again. "I need..." He closed his eyes, silently damning his own nerves. What if Jack didn't feel the same way? What if it was just sex to him? He desperately needed to know if Jack felt the same way he did. "I-"

_Buzzzz._

"God damn it," Daniel muttered.

"Just move off a little so I can reach it."

The moment was broken. Daniel pulled out as gently as he could and rolled off to his own side of the bed, throwing an arm across his face.

"O'Neill."

There was no point hurrying to answer his own buzzing phone, he knew that as team leader, they'd give Jack more information anyway, so he just lay there, waiting for Jack to be finished.

Several long moments later, he heard Jack say, "Yeah, okay. Understood." There was a snap as the cell phone was closed.

When Jack's body didn't mold itself around him and the alternative, 'rise and shine, Danny, General Hammond's waiting', didn't happen, Daniel knew something was wrong. He lowered his arm and waited. "Jack?"

The world seemed to have stopped spinning normally, and for a split second, Jack thought _-hoped-_ he was dreaming. Daniel's warm hand clutching his bicep told him what he already knew; it wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare. His gut twisted so hard, he could barely get the word out of his dry mouth. "Kasuf..."

*****

They were out of the house in mere minutes, not even taking the time to shower. Still in their civvies, they barreled into the briefing room to find Hammond in his usual place at the head of the table, and Carter and Teal'c already in their BDUs.

A young boy sat at the far end of the long table, looking frightened, and as soon as he saw Daniel, he came to his feet, bowing and excitedly chattering in ancient Egyptian. Daniel went to the boy, no more then ten years old, Jack guessed, taking him by the shoulders, listening intently.

Jack waited for as long as he possibly could -a good forty seconds, by his watch- before he interrupted them. "Daniel! What's he saying?"

"Oh! Um..." He signaled the boy to hold his speech, while he translated what had already been said for everybody else. "Kasuf sent Paki here to the Tau'ri as soon as the Jaffa came and started rounding up the Abydonians. They, um, covered his escape at the cost of one of their own, just to ensure he could bring me back."

Jack swallowed hard. "Bring you back? What seems to be the problem?"

Daniel spilled more Egyptian to the boy, then listened to the answer. Before he spoke, he cleared his throat, but it didn't help, his voice broke as he relayed the information to those assembled. "He brings word was that the demon who possessed Kasuf's daughter has finally come for the child she bore a year ago."

The boy chattered some more, and Daniel nodded tightly. "Paki swears he saw Kasuf's daughter with his own eyes."

*****

SG-1 geared up in silence, each of them carrying the ridiculously heavy weight of 'maybe this is the one'.

"You okay?" Jack asked softly as he and Daniel trailed the other two of their group to the gate room, to meet up with SG's-3 and -5.

"Yeah," Daniel replied with a determined set to his jaw. Talk about timing-- mere seconds from letting go of the hopeless dream that he and his wife would be together someday, one heartbeat from declaring his love for Jack, the call for which he'd been waiting three and a half years had come in. "Just trying not to get my hopes so far up I can't function."

Jack pulled him to a stop, turning him with a practiced hand to tweak one of the straps on his pack, not that it really needed adjusting. He could feel the tension rolling off Daniel in waves; if he went into a hot situation in this frame of mind, he'd be coming back in a body bag.

"Just keep your wits about ya, and you'll be fine," he said softly. "We've got your six; y'know that, right?"

Daniel rolled his neck till it popped, did it the other way, then heaved a deep sigh. He knew what Jack was doing; they knew each other pretty damn well now, inside and out. "Yes, Mother."

"Hey! That's _Colonel_ Mother to you, Doctor Jackson."

As he turned back around, Daniel performed his best impression of one of Jack's more casual salutes. "Sir! Yes, sir! That's a big ten-four. Semper Fi. Over 'n out."

Jack smirked. _Mission accomplished._ "Yeah, okay, Daniel, after today, I'm not lettin' you play with the Marines _anymore."_

*****

They were on the planet for only a few minutes, he was at Ammonet's mercy for mere seconds, and he had barely the breadth of a heartbeat to tell his wife he loved her as she died.

But the life he lived in those few exquisitely painful moments spanned weeks. Guilt and rage and fury and tenderness and desperate, clutching need. He lost count of the number of times and the ways he found her, real and yet not, alive and quite certain of her own recent death at Teal'c's hands.

Each time he opened his eyes, he girded himself to coming _this close_ to gathering her safely into his arms, only to have her ripped away again. When he finally understood what it was she was trying to tell him, when he finally got that Shau're was able to communicate with him using the neural pathway Ammonet's ribbon device opened between them, Daniel tried hard to focus his mind to send a message of his own.

_We can free you; we have a way to get the demon out of you - we can be together!  
__  
_But no sooner did the thought coalesce in his mind, than he found himself falling to the ground beside her, the acrid smell of discharged staff weapon filling his nose.

"I love you, Danyell."

"I am sorry, Daniel Jackson."

Her final message of love ringing in his ears, he managed absolution for the friend who'd saved his life. "You did the right thing, Teal'c."

Teal'c spun, staff weapon raised as O'Neill and Major Carter burst into the tent. "Oh, god," Carter gasped.

"Teal'c?"

Behind him, Daniel heard Teal'c reply, "Daniel Jackson will be fine."

"I love you, too..." Somewhere in the fried remains of his brain, he'd figured there'd be a sarcophagus somewhere. That Ammonet would've brought one with her - didn't every Goa'uld travel with one?

But as Sam helped him to his feet and fussed over him with burn cream from the med kit, it was looking more and more like somehow, Shau're had taken advantage of Ammonet's plan to send the boy into hiding, now that Apophis was dead, knowing that it would be a one-way trip for both of them.

She'd been counting on Daniel to somehow be able to find Kheb. To find her son and keep him safe from Heru'Ur

"I'm okay, Sam, please stop," he said softly, gently pushing her away. He knew she wanted to help him in some way, to somehow lessen this pain for him, but her constant little touches were distracting and not welcome. He didn't want to be unkind, but he needed to be alone with his wife.

Teal'c stood guard outside the tent, ensuring that no one else would disturb him.

Jack had made himself scarce almost immediately. Daniel could hear him outside the tent, taking command of the other SG teams, putting order to the post-firefight chaos. It was what he did, what he understood, the only thing he could do for Daniel and the rest of them right now. This other stuff, not so much.

Sitting on the floor near where he'd fallen when the energy of the ribbon device had released him, Daniel regarded his dead wife. Even in Ammonet's garish make-up, she was lovely. He thought back to their wedding night, to the young woman who'd captivated him so completely, he'd given up his world to stay with her and her people.

He took her hand in his, noticing that the skin of her fingers was smooth, now that they never saw the daily chores of desert life, and they were beginning to cool with death. He closed his eyes, letting himself revisit the life they'd shared so briefly.

*****

"No," Daniel replied quietly. "I'm gonna stay here and help Kasuf prepare for the funeral." He had a hazy memory of having already had one, but rationally, he knew that had only been part of the vision she'd given him. So many things he'd seen and felt, all of it seeming so real and yet only the product of his own grief.

"Are you sure, Daniel?" Sam asked gently. One of us could stay with you..."

"I'm sure, Sam. It's something I have to do alone."

Jack came striding back to the group across the sand, after speaking with Shau're's father. "Kasuf says we're to return in three days time. Anybody know what that is in Earth time?"

"Eleven hundred on Thursday," Daniel answered softly, his arms wrapped protectively around his middle. "Do you think General Hammond will let you come back?"

Jack squeezed Daniel's shoulder. "I can guarantee it."

Daniel accompanied them back to the gate. The clean up had gone quickly, and all the Abydonians had come back through; SG-1 was the last team to return. As Carter dialed it up and sent the code, Jack asked, "I feel like I should be asking the cultural expert if there's anything we're specifically supposed to bring or do, or more importantly, to _not_ bring or do, but I know the cultural expert is having a pretty rough day right now, and I hate to bother him..." He looked at Daniel and saw the appreciative nod.

"No, there aren't any taboos that I can think of," Daniel assured him. He tried to smile for Sam, and he returned Teal'c's bow before turning to say goodbye to Jack.

Jack hesitated only half a second, then pulled Daniel into a full-body hug. He couldn't help thinking that this was exactly why the no-frat regs were in place. As Daniel's CO, he could've stayed with him. Kept him company, been some moral support. But as his lover, Jack's presence would've been incredibly inappropriate, like gloating almost. "Back soon," he whispered.

Feeling Jack's body against him, even through the two bulky tac vests they wore, Daniel instinctively reacted to the comfort and hugged him back. When Jack began to pull away, Daniel held him fast, and after a long, silent moment of eye contact, Daniel kissed him fully on the lips. Jack permitted it, opening his mouth to accept the intimate contact, not really caring that Carter and Teal'c were looking on.

The kiss lingered, Daniel's fingers caressing the hair on the back of Jack's neck, as their tongues stroked one another, then came to a gradual end as tiny nibbles along Jack's lower lip. Daniel ended the kiss, and without another word to Jack or anyone else, he left the gate room.

Jack watched him leave, fear and unquenchable sadness welling up inside him. He was torn; he wanted to stay and help his lover in this time of sadness and need, but he also knew his friend needed closure with his dead wife.

"What was that all about?" Carter asked quietly as they ascended the steps to the gate, where Teal'c awaited them.

"Don't know," Jack answered honestly. There was suddenly a lump of lead in his gut the size of Cheyenne Mountain, and he could hardly breathe. "Might've been goodbye."

*****

After the official debrief was done and details for the ceremony three days hence decided upon, Jack split for home. Planetary time differences being what they were, it was only mid-morning on Earth.

When the knock on the door came forty-five minutes later, Jack didn't need to have ESP to know who it was. Carter'd been doggin' him since the moment they gated in. He'd made a point never to be alone with her or Teal'c, for the same reason he wasn't gonna answer the door now.

He knew why they were here, and he didn't know what he was going to tell them. He had no idea what the hell was going on inside Daniel's head on a good day, and today had been far from that.

He took the coward's way out and slid on his shades, then slipped out the back door. He silently settled into one of the chaises, leaned back, closed his eyes, and hoped they'd go away. And if Carter had the balls to pursue him into his own back yard, she wouldn't be able to say anything in front of his neighbor, who was just on the other side of their common hedge, doing her gardening.

A couple of minutes later, he heard footfalls through the too-tall grass, and then a shadow passed over him, blocking the warming rays of the morning sun.

"You're messin' with my tan," he accused acerbically.

"The rays of your sun are harmful to your pale, unprotected skin, O'Neill."

Jack peered over the top of his sunglasses, checking out Teal'c's choice of headgear. "Thanks for the public service announcement, T, but some of us aren't a warm, toasty mocha naturally; we need to work at it. Now if you'll excuse me, I've still got about thirty more winks comin' to me."

"We'd like to talk with you, sir," Carter said formally. "Off the record."

After a pause, Jack said quietly, "I don't suppose you'd take 'hell, no' for an answer?"

"No, sir," she said tightly. "Daniel's our friend."

Jack's lips thinned. "He's my friend, too."

"To you, he is much more, O'Neill. Of this I am certain."

Jack's expression was grim. So much for using the neighbors as a shield. "Let's take this little intervention inside, so ol' Mrs. Magillicudy over there doesn't get an earful, huh?" They followed him into the house, but didn't trail him into the kitchen. "Guinness, Carter?" he called out.

"It's ten-thirty in the morning, sir."

"Your point being?"

She shrugged awkwardly at Teal'c, then called out, "No point. I'd love one." They sat together on the couch, a united front. She'd seen the Colonel and Daniel couple at gunpoint on PX5-291, in living color and up close and personal, with stereo sound. She'd thought at the time it was a one-off, something they'd both done under duress. After all, the Colonel was straight. Wasn't he?

And even if he wasn't, she had a hard time believing they'd continue to... engage in those activities, because Daniel was married. It didn't fit with what she knew of Daniel at all.

The Colonel's disembodied voice interrupted Sam's thoughts. "I've got red Kool-Aid, T; that okay with you?"

"Red is very okay," Teal'c replied.

Jack took his time filling the glass with ice and pouring the sweet drink, stalling for a precious few seconds before having to go out there and face them. When he could reasonably delay no more, he passed out the drinks and took a seat in the chair by the door. He held his bottle up and said, "To Shau're Jackson. May her gentle soul rest in peace, and may her snake go straight to hell."

Sam was surprised; whatever she'd been expecting, it hadn't been that. She raised her bottle as well, while beside her, Teal'c inclined his head in a pained bow. The awkward silence stretched out for what seemed like hours. After the scene in the Abydos gate room, she'd been determined to come here and face the Colonel; convincing Teal'c to come along hadn't been difficult at all. He was full of remorse for what he'd had to do, and eager to learn of a way to seek Daniel's forgiveness.

It occurred to Jack that although they'd both had the gumption to come to his house to confront him, they really had no idea how to begin. He needed to get it over with. "He wanted us to tell you," Jack said quietly, keeping his eyes on the beer in his hand.

"Well, why the hell didn't you?" Carter exploded, suddenly more hurt that she'd realized. "Of all people, we'd've understood." Her eyes were blazing. "Sir."

Tired to the core of his being, Jack closed his eyes and heaved a heavy sigh. He parked his face in an unfriendly grimace. "Think we could dispense with the 'sir' while we're talkin' about just how flagrantly I've violated my oath to Uncle Sam?"

"Is that why you didn't tell us?" she pushed. "The non-frat regs?"

"That's part of it, Carter, but it actually wasn't the biggest reason for me. Not that it's any of your business, but I really am straight. At least I used to be. I think." He switched the bottle to his other hand and solemnly regarded the carpet under his feet. "I sure as hell never wanted anything liked this, and it's had me more than a little wigged-out to suddenly be thinking those kinds of thoughts about my best friend!"

Carter had the grace to look embarrassed. She suddenly found the rug very interesting as well.

"Does he return your affections, O'Neill?"

Jack wiped his sweaty palm on the leg of his chinos. He felt like he had the night he'd taken Jenny Mueller to the prom, waiting for what seemed like _hours_ while her dad made him sweat in his powder-blue rented tux with the enormous clip-on bow tie. "You mean, did I seduce him? No. It was completely consensual."

"He was married!" Sam hissed.

"No, Carter, really?" Jack snapped. "Well, you'll be glad to know we had more than a few loud discussions about that very fact."

"Before or after you-"

"Both!"

"Doesn't look like it did much good, if you ask me."

"Well, I'm NOT asking you!" Jack snapped. He made an effort to adopt a more reasonable tone. "And anyway, he's a grown man, and he can make his own decisions!"

"He's in love with you," she accused. "He might not have been thinking clearly."

Jack snorted. "No, Carter, he's not in love with me. I couldn't _be_ that lucky. I'm nothing more than a placeholder for a lonely man." He shook his head sadly. More quietly, he said, "And at my age, how fucking sad is that?" He tipped the rest of his beer back in two long swallows.

"Are you _blind?"_ Sam asked incredulously. "Honestly, men can be so dense. How can you not see it? We watched him fall in love with you on the FishPeople planet. You were probably too out of it to realize, but as soon as it was over, Daniel became very possessive of you and wouldn't let anyone -not even us- anywhere near you."

"Captain Carter," Teal'c admonished. "Perhaps it is unwise to-"

"No, Teal'c. He needs to get a clue. Daniel's my friend, too, and I don't want him hurt because Colonel Neanderthal here can't see past his own homophobia!"

"It's not...!" Jack bit back his anger; dialed it down. "Okay, let's be clear, here. Daniel loves his wife-" he caught himself using the wrong tense and clamped his teeth down hard. No matter, just because she no longer drew breath, he knew Daniel's feelings toward her wouldn't change one bit. "He loves _her;_ he _cares _for me. Big difference."

"That's not what I saw," Sam said more gently. "And it's not just the stuff that happened on the FishPlanet, either. You're like an old married couple. You finish each other's sentences, for godsake! You and he were a team long before SG-1 came along." She shrugged. "It was probably inevitable that you'd end up f-"

"We're a TEAM," Jack enunciated with enough volume to drown her out. How dare she presume to understand his relationship with Daniel, when he damn well didn't understand it himself! "We take care of each other," he spat. "It shouldn't ever be any more than that."

"And yet, it apparently is." Teal'c observed quietly with an arched brow. "His kiss was not that of a mere friend, O'Neill. And you did return it. Why do you wish to deny these feelings you both so obviously have for one another?"

Jack just shook his head and looked away. They already knew too goddamn much; he couldn't tell them that more often that not, Daniel cried in their bed, after he thought Jack was asleep, the shame and regret for what they were doing pulling him to the far side of the mattress.

"We just want to know why you didn't feel you could confide in us," Carter offered, not trying to mask how hurt she was. Because they _were_ a team. And they _should've_ been told.

"Because it shouldn't've been happening at all, for reasons which you are very well aware!"

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long have you been... together?"

He didn't have to do the math in his head; he knew exactly and answered immediately, "Five months, one week and two days."

Sam shook her head. "As far back as the Machello thing? Wow. I never would've guessed," she said softly. "You guys did a good job keeping it out of the SGC. I just wish..."

"I wouldn't let him tell you. I didn't want to risk... legitimizing it."

"Because you'd fallen in love with him, and he was still married," Carter guessed.

Jack winced. He hated having the most intimate parts of his life out on the table as discussion points, but he couldn't deny it felt good to know she and Teal'c were apparently rooting for them. "Yeah."

Leaning forward to set his empty Kool-aid glass on the coffee table, Teal'c said, "Please know that I regret my part in both her capture and implantation, as well as her death by my hand. But... is not the way now cleared for you, since Daniel Jackson's wife no longer lives?"

Jack sighed, closing his eyes, feeling the poignancy of Daniel's last kiss in every fiber of his being. "I don't think so, Teal'c; in fact, I think this probably complicates things."

"Guilt's a strange emotion," Carter explained to Teal'c. "It makes us humans act out in ways we wouldn't normally. Sometimes in ways that aren't in our best interest."

Jack peered into the depths of his empty beer bottle, pondering the painful truth of that statement. It was going to be a long three days.

*****

Jack wasn't completely convinced Daniel was going to come back to the SGC with them, at least not without a fight, especially when he saw Daniel dressed in desert robes, the dull green of his BDUs peeking out from underneath the burial wrap that held his wife's body. The whole scene had all the makings of a 'sackcloth and ashes' state of mind, and to say it made Jack uneasy was an understatement.

Once the grave was filled, and the Abydonian mourners had quietly slipped away, only those dressed in Air Force blue and Daniel remained at the site. Teal'c had made the decision to stay behind, and Jack hadn't disagreed with it.

Relatively safe behind his dark sunglasses, Jack turned his head slightly to examine his lover. By the look of him, the weight of being a widower, of the finality of the knowledge that his wife was never coming back, was greater than the anguish of knowing she'd been snaked in the first place. Jack longed to wrap him up in a bear hug and just hold him, so he'd know he wasn't alone, that his friends were here for him. But he and Daniel had crossed the line into being lovers, and Jack was afraid that relationship had eclipsed their friendship in an unfortunate way, because now, otherwise innocent hugs had other connotations.

Jack turned to Hammond, standing next to him, and whispered softly, "Sir? If I could talk to Daniel in private, I might be able to..." he shrugged a little, leaving the rest open to interpretation.

Hammond nodded sagely. "We need him, Jack. I know he'll want to take a while to get his feet back under him, and he'll have it. But bottom line, the SGC needs him."

"Yes, sir."

The SGC contingent, less Jack, accepted a ride back to the gate in the rickety-looking, wagon-like contraption pulled by a young man mounted on a hairy mastage, leaving Jack to deal with Daniel, who was still standing over the grave, watching the sands gently swirling over the place that held his wife's remains.

Kasuf had shown Jack which tent was Daniel's, and so after taking Daniel's arm, Jack gently guided him into the relative privacy of his quarters. Once inside, Jack took off his cap and sunglasses, and yanked off the infernal tie, his eyes glued to every movement Daniel made.

Jack had told Carter and Teal'c that his feelings had gone further than he'd wanted them to. He didn't fancy himself a slave to social correctness, but he knew enough to know it would be tasteless and tacky to go to Daniel and say, "Okay! Now that she's finally gone, I can tell you that I've fallen in love with you." He pushed that part way to the back and concentrated on just being Daniel's friend; he would wait patiently for Daniel to finish mourning before declaring his feelings.

As if seeing it for the first time, Daniel stood and looked around the nearly empty tent he'd stayed in for the last three days. His tac vest and holstered weapon were in the corner, the sleeping platform, with its rough, hand-woven blanket stood against one wall, and an oil lamp, burning in remembrance of one who has passed, rested on a crude side table. He'd not participated in the preparation of her body, but he knew well enough the Egyptian process the Abydonians used to bury their dead. It was... hard to think of, and so he tried his best not to.

As Jack came up behind him, strong arms enveloping him with warmth and kindness, Daniel let himself enjoy the desperately needed support for a long moment, then gently pulled away, putting half the width of the tent between them. "I'm sorry, Jack."

Jack winced as though he'd been struck. Nothing good ever came of something which started out with that kind of 'I'm sorry', and his stomach clenched, prepared for the blow. "Is this some kinda 'Dear Jack' letter?"

"I guess it is," Daniel replied softly. Jack had been a good friend to go along with him as far as he had. But it was pretty clear, in spite of the many hints Daniel had dropped, that Jack had only been humoring him; that what they'd shared was nothing but sex to him. And now, more than ever, Daniel needed more. He needed to be anchored. He needed someone to love, who would love him back, and clearly, that wasn't ever going to be Jack.

"I was probably always susceptible to you and your arrogant charm," Daniel said quietly, careful to show Jack only his profile. There was no accusation behind his words, just observation. "It might've happened anyway, but getting a chance to fuck you... I used that as an excuse to be disloyal to my wife, and to besmirch our friendship. None of it was your fault; the blame for that betrayal is mine alone."

"Daniel-"

"Let me finish, please," he whispered. He closed his eyes and searched his heart, finding so much pain there-- a dead wife he'd been searching for, years longer than they'd even been together, a lover who'd come to mean more to him than his own life, but who didn't feel the same toward him, all of it leaving a gaping hole he didn't think would ever heal.

He cleared his throat. "Um, Shau're used the ribbon device to communicate with me. I don't really know how, but... she made me see things, made me promise... things. Laying there next to her, still smelling of having sex with you... I wonder if she knew. Could she see into my heart and understand what I feel for you, see that I'd betrayed her so completely?" He swallowed hard, trying to stay focused enough to get what he had to say done, so they could move on. "I can't ever apologize to Shau're, but I can try to make things right with you. I've been more than selfish at your expense; I get that now."

"Can I just-"

But Daniel barreled on, running right over Jack's words, words which he suspected would condemn him, even as he condemned himself. "It's clear to me that my relationship with you kept me from being as aggressive as I should've been in my quest to find her. Maybe I'd even stopped trying altogether, I don't really know." He shrugged sadly, guilt weighing him down. "It's going to take a long time, I know..."

"You aren't-"

"God damn it, Jack, will you let me say my piece?" Daniel was pacing now, equal parts angry, disappointed, sad, and remorseful. "I'm trying to apologize here!" He glared at Jack until the other man waved him on.

"I had no right to bed you, no matter how badly I needed the distraction and the comfort. It was incredibly self-indulgent of me; you deserve better. And although I know I'm really not worthy of it, I hope someday you can forgive me."

Jack ground his back teeth together, his lips thinned, literally biting his tongue until Daniel finished. Pushed deep into the hot, scratchy pockets of his wool uniform pants, he helplessly clenched and unclenched his hands. He needed to shake some sense into his lover's head, but he continued to wait. Silently.

"That's it. I-I'm done."

"My turn now?"

Daniel was a little surprised; all the times he'd practiced this speech in his head the last three days, Jack had always stayed stoically quiet and then walked out without saying a word. He hadn't expected... this. He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"Good. 'Cause you are _way_ off base here, buddy." He tried to keep his hands inside his pockets just to be safe. The Abydonians loved Daniel and wouldn't hesitate to tear Jack a new one, if they thought he'd harmed him.

"In the first place, we had _–we have-_ a completely consensual relationship. You didn't do anything I didn't want you to, so no apology needed there. And numero two," he spat, sticking up two fingers, "I can testify to the number of nights you never even left the base, because you were tracking down some obscure kinda clue which might eventually lead to finding your wife, so 'no' to that one, too. And number 'C'-" he started to stick up fingers, but realized he didn't have any for that, and so stuck his hand back into his pocket and moved on, "I'll buy arrogant, but I'm about as _charming_ as a case of jock itch; just ask _anybody._

"Now, we can take a short break in our personal relationship, if you think you need it to get over this, but I think it's premature to call the goal a washout, 'cause I think we've got a _lot_ goin' for us. A _lot._ And I don't intend to let it go of you without a struggle.

"Now, Hammond says you can take a week bereavement leave, but we can't really be without your expertise for much longer than that." Jack wasn't even going to address the possibility of Daniel wanting to leave the program altogether; Daniel hadn't mentioned it yet, so maybe he hadn't thought of it, which was just fine and dandy with him.

Daniel folded his arms across his chest, not an easy task in the bulky robes. "I'm fine, Jack. I won't need a week. I'm ready to go back to work now."

"Okaaay." This was confusing; he'd been expecting a fight just to get Daniel off Abydos. He must be missing something. "Why?" He frowned suspiciously.

"One of the things Shau're communicated to me was how important it was to find the boy. She made me promise to find him, and to take care of him."

Uh-huh. Like it was fair to ask Daniel to play daddy to Apophis's spawn. "I thought she hid him?"

_"Ammonet_ hid him. She sent him to Kheb."

Jack narrowed his eyes. "Whyyyy?"

Daniel huffed a deep sigh of exasperation. "To keep him safe from the System Lords, of course."

"Of course. Why didn't she just hand him over to you the other day, instead of fryin' your brains?"

"I don't know!," Daniel shouted, waving his arms as he stalked from one end of the tent to the other. "Maybe Shau're couldn't get that past Ammonet. Maybe it was some kind of test; maybe she wanted Teal'c to kill her, so she'd finally be free! All I know is, I have to find him, and I need the stargate to do it!"

Jack wasn't sure how much of that he believed, but it was clear that Daniel bought all of it. "So I don't have to talk you into staying with the program?"

Leave the program? "What? No."

"Huh." Jack blinked a couple of times. He felt like he'd fallen asleep right after the movie started and woke up near the end, trying to make sense of the final scene. But it looked from here like a mostly happy ending, so why knock it? "Sweet." Jack moved across the space in order to take Daniel into his arms, but Daniel easily sidestepped him. "Daniel...?"

"I wasn't kidding before," Daniel said tightly. "I've thought about it a lot these last three days. Sleeping with you was a mistake. I mean, think about it! I was fucking you at the very moment Shau're came back here looking for me. That kind of irony can't be ignored."

Jack blinked. "Sure it can."

"I'm sorry. I'd like to think we can still be friends, though. Your friendship means a lot to me and... and I'd hate like hell to lose it."

So. The old 'we can still be friends' routine. Jack was a little long in the tooth to be crying over... what the hell was this? An unrequited crush? Being dumped by his boyfriend? Whatever. He smiled ruefully, hoping this was just some after-funeral shock, and Daniel would come to his senses sooner or later. Hopefully sooner.

He'd always known that one day, he'd have to give Daniel back to Shau're; he just never thought she'd reach out for him from beyond the grave.

*****

"So?" Carter asked, sidling up to Jack in the lunch line.

"So? What?"

"It's been almost two weeks. Did ya tell him?"

"I hope you're not askin' something I shouldn't be tellin'," Jack said under his breath. He smiled broadly at the food service lady, the one with the industrial strength hairnet and a mustache darker than two days growth for him. "Meatloaf, please. I'm studying to be a masochist."

Hairnet Woman snarled and plopped an unappetizing gray rectangle onto his plate, then drowned it in thick brown gravy.

"Mmmm, smells like some of your best work, Mildred."

As he moved down the line, Carter dogged him, taking only a green salad and two dishes of brightly colored Jell-O. As they checked out, Jack eyed the jiggly dessert and declared, "You do know that stuff doesn't actually contain any food, right?"

"It keeps my mouth busy," she informed him with a waggle of her eyebrows.

"Aht! TMI, Carter," he protested, setting his tray down on a table in the back. It seemed as though, now that the cat was out of the bag about him and Daniel, the new policy for SG-1 chat was 'anything goes'. It was... unsettling.

Carter set her tray down at the seat opposite him, still looking at him expectantly.

_"Wha-at?"_ he grimaced.

"He's free now," she whispered. "It's been two weeks. Tell him how you feel."

"Carter, don't make me stick my fingers in my ears."

"Want me to tell him?" she asked, aiming a spoonful of bright green gelatin into her mouth.

Jack shot her a look that suggested she'd die a horrible death if she tried.

"So, what? You'll face down Hathor, but when it comes to-"

Jack dropped his fork, stuck his fingers in his ears, and began to warble, "La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-"

Frowning, she leaned over the table and pulled his fingers away from his head. "Okay, I get it. Message received." She tossed the salad with some dressing and started chattering about their next mission. "I'll bet you were wondering why we're bugging out at 2100 tonight, right? Well, as a matter of fact, that's due to the fact that P2Q-463 is seven hours ahead of us-"

He easily tuned Carter out, moving the meatloaf around his plate, introducing it to the peas and mashed potatoes, watching with morbid fascination as the gravy never moved. As always, he'd rely on his innate ability to click into a lecture just as he was being addressed, without having to suffer through the actual lecture itself. He prided himself on this skill and was constantly honing it to perfection.

For the past two weeks, every time she caught him alone, Carter'd asked if he'd told Daniel how he felt about him, and every time, he stuck his fingers into his ears and sang.

It wasn't that he didn't want to face it; it was just that facing it was a waste of time. Daniel wasn't budging. Just as Jack was dodging Carter, Daniel was dodging Jack, surrounding himself with his staff and the search for some mythical place called Kheb. He'd thought about ordering Daniel to talk to him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. How do you order a guilt-ridden man who's recently lost his wife to sit still so you could woo him?

So Jack kept his feelings to himself and did his job. Some days he could manage to not think about it. Much.

It was worst at night. Alone in the house, he couldn't even concentrate long enough to watch a game. He went to bed early, finding that he still thought of it as 'their bed'. And although he'd since washed the sheets, he hadn't been able to bring himself to wash Daniel's pillowcase.

Daniel's toothbrush still sat in the cup next to his, and he'd left some clothes at Jack's house that Jack had absolutely no intention of ever washing and returning.

Part of him hoped for a miracle, that Daniel would just show up one night and use his key to let himself in, and everything would be just like it was before. Another, more realistic, part of him knew it was over for good. He'd been nothing more than just another notch on Daniel's... whatever it was archeologists measured things with, and Jack just needed to move on.

Most nights, he struggled to fall asleep curled around Daniel's pillow. But not tonight. He decided this nighttime mission might be a blessing in disguise.

*****

The 2100 departure landed them in what appeared to be a warehouse on a planet the locals called Vyas. Before Daniel could even launch into his full 'peaceful traveler' spiel, the folks they met asked for their help. After a couple of hours spent digging around in their library, it was clear that the planet's woes had been caused by Linea, the nice old lady SG-1 had helped escape from Hadante prison.

Her "gift" to this world was planet-wide amnesia.

Unfortunately, they didn't come to this realization until Carter started digging around in Linea's diary, and put two and two together. The amnesia had been an unfortunate side effect of a longevity experiment that had worked, transforming the entire population into youthful versions of themselves.

But by that time, Daniel had already done a little peaceful exploring of his own with Ke'ra, a member of the transitional government of Vyus. Barely two weeks after burying his wife and dumping Jack, driven by some godforsaken mixture of guilt and rebound anger, he'd made no secret to anyone that he'd bedded the kinky-haired blonde

Jack told himself he didn't care, and that Daniel was his own man, one who owed him neither fidelity nor explanation. But he did care. It was obvious to Jack that Daniel was reaching out blindly for something Ke'ra-who-might-really-be-Linea couldn't ever give him. And whatever it was Daniel was looking for, Jack now knew he wanted very badly to be the one to give it to him.

So he waited, biding his time, hoping to get a moment alone with Daniel so he could talk some sense into him, but Daniel kept giving him the slip. When Fraiser called Hammond to tell him how spectacularly the first antidote had failed, Jack knew he'd found his chance. He waited in the corridor around the corner from the VIP room, knowing Daniel would have to pass by; it was the only chance he was going to get.

"Hey, I heard the test didn't go too well." As an opening line, it sucked. _Way to open a friendly, concerned, I-have-no-agenda dialog, flyboy._

"She'll figure it out."

"Listen, I'm not saying the first woman you've fallen for since Shau're isn't a peach..." She wasn't, not by any stretch of the imagination; she was the worst kind of witch Jack had ever seen. He stopped when Daniel did, so he wouldn't run into the back of him. He wasn't really surprised when Daniel didn't turn around to face him. "But if she remembers who she is, you'll be the first to go." He waited, ready for Daniel to take a swing at him. Wanting it, because that would mean Daniel still felt something for him.

But the punch never came. After a beat, Daniel continued on up the corridor without a backward glance. Jack watched him until he turned and was out of sight, then shook his head sadly, tucked his pain away, and returned to the infirmary.

Daniel knew Jack had used Shau're's name to get his attention, and he staunchly refused to fall for it. One of the biggest drawbacks with having sex with your best friend is that once they became your 'ex', you could never really go to them for advice. Daniel really wished he could talk to someone about his mixed-up feelings for Ke'ra, his guilt and grief for his dead wife, and the strong feelings he still had for Jack. His heart hurt in so many places, he'd started to feel hollow.

*****

Jack shouldn't've been surprised less than an hour later, when Fraiser said things were missing from the lab. He pulled his weapon as he headed for the VIP quarters at a dead run, Teal'c right behind him. He kicked the door open to find Daniel and Ke'ra facing off with some kind of potion in her hands.

Heart pounding at seeing Daniel in mortal danger _-again-_ he bellowed, "Step aside, Daniel!"

But no, Daniel'd gotten it into his head that he could talk the crazy bitch down. "Don't! There's another way, Jack."

Jack saw red- at Daniel for being stubborn, and at Ke'ra/Linea/whatever her name was, for endangering his lover. "MOVE!"

Showing her that he was unarmed, Daniel's arms went out in a welcoming pose as he approached her, looking to protect her from Jack's wrath. "Give me the vials, Ke'ra. You don't need to do this."

Ke'ra continued to back away from Daniel until she was against the wall with nowhere else to go. "There are two people inside of me, and one of them is a monster. In time, she will win."

Jack continued to aim his firearm at her over Daniel's left shoulder; as Daniel inched closer to her, his body blocked more and more of the woman's. It was a waiting game, and Jack fucking hated those.

Daniel's voice was calming, soothing. "You won't hurt me, because there's another way, Ke'ra."

"I'm not HER!"

"No, you're not. But you can be her again. You can forget. All you have to do is forget." When he reached her, he pulled her into his arms, carefully passing the deadly vials back to Jack.

Jack grabbed them, then turned to Teal'c, nodding to him to stay with Daniel and the woman now sobbing in his arms. Jack took off toward the lab with the vials, so he wouldn't have to watch it anymore.

*****

An hour later, Jack watched them lead the Old Bag into the gate room like a skittish colt. Introductions were made all around to the newly amnesiac woman, and the Vyaans were ready to take her home with them.

At the last minute, she turned around, directing her question specifically to Daniel. "I sense we knew each other well before my memory was lost. Did we?"

Jack waited anxiously to hear what Daniel would say to the woman. He looked worn out, like this mission had taken a lot out of him, or he'd given a lot of himself to it. "No. No, we never really did. Goodbye, Ke'ra."

She looked disappointed for a moment, then flashed her dimples at him and said, "Goodbye," before joining the others at the top of the ramp.

Jack saw Daniel turn to leave before the wormhole had even shut down.

He gave Daniel a good twenty-minute head start, then shut down his own PC for the night and headed for the elevator. In the old days, B.S. -Before Sex- he'd drag Daniel out of the mountain occasionally for his own good. He figured this situation more than called for him to put his 'best friend' hat on and try to help Daniel out. Even if he didn't really want it.

He could do friendly CO; he'd done it before. He thought he remembered how. He ambled up to Daniel's office and leaned against the doorjamb with exaggerated casualness. "Thai, my treat?"

Daniel was seated at his desk, shoulders slumped, hands loosely folded in his lap. His laptop was open, but it was just playing a screensaver. He was staring morosely at the little marching Egyptians, not blinking. "Not really in the mood," he said, his voice a little gravelly, like maybe he'd been on the verge of sleep. Or trying not to cry.

Undaunted, Jack replied, "Okay, pizza then. Your treat."

Daniel closed his eyes and let his chin drop, his demeanor exuding weariness. "Jack."

He was halfway there; he could feel it. "Daniel...?"

Daniel sighed once, heavily. He knew Jack well enough to know that once he got it in his head he was going to save Daniel from himself, there was nothing to do but let it play out. "Oh, fine."

"Great! I'll follow you." Jack knew he'd never get Daniel to come to his house; too many surfaces still bore the stains of their rambunctious activities. And they'd never, not once, ever been together at Daniel's apartment. He'd always assumed Daniel was saving it for his wife.

Fifteen minutes later, they were both in civvies and out past the last checkpoint. The drive to Daniel's apartment was overcast and uneventful, the elevator ride up to his floor absolutely silent. Once there, Daniel slumped onto the couch, throwing an arm across his eyes. Not the most open and cordial of positions. In fact, his body language screamed, 'Eat and get the hell out of here. I just want to be alone in my misery'.

Jack had seen the kinds of reckless decisions Daniel was capable of making when he was desperate or hurting; he wasn't about to leave him alone, no matter what the other man wanted.

He took the liberty of calling for the pizza -the one with the really slow delivery service- and ordering their usual without even having to think about it. They _were_ a couple, damn it, Carter was right. Then he rummaged around Daniel's kitchen for plates and beverages. He came out with two bottles of diet ginger ale.

"Diet?"

"It's what Sam drinks when she's here."

Jack made a face. "Got anything to put in it?"

"I wasn't really expecting company, Jack." He heard Jack rattling around in the cabinets, then heard ice cubes tinkling. "Help yourself," he muttered sourly from underneath his arm.

"Thanks," Jack called out. "Don't mind if I do."

A few moments later, a cold glass was nudged against his forearm, and he took the offered drink, peering up at Jack. "I'm really not in the mood for this," he said darkly.

"What? You gotta be in the mood to eat dinner?" Jack asked with feigned innocence, taking a seat in the chair opposite Daniel's couch. He shrugged. "I'll pay, if you're short."

Daniel set his drink, untouched, on the table and stalked to the patio door, shoving his hands into his pockets, his back to the room. "Why are you here?" he snapped, his troubled gaze not settling on anything in particular.

"Can't two friends-"

"No. We haven't been that kid of friends for a long time," he replied tightly.

After a short pause, just to make sure his voice was steady, Jack replied, "Five months. Three weeks. Six days." He leaned back into the chair and took a large swallow of his drink. The diet bit threw the taste off, but it wasn't bad.

Daniel glanced at Jack over his shoulder, then back out the window. What did it mean, that he'd counted the days since they'd first become intimate? Was it like marking off the time you'd spent in a stinking Iraqi prison? Until you were free again? Well, Jack was free. Daniel'd let him go back on Abydos. He just needed to move on, like Daniel had.

"You said you wanted to still be friends," Jack replied to the unasked question. Even to his own ears, his voice sounded heavy, tired. Forced. But he was making an effort. "I'm tryin' to do that."

Yeah, he'd said it, but faced with the reality of it -Jack, here in his living room- Daniel couldn't imagine how the hell it could possibly work. How could they sit through a hockey game together, or a movie, without thinking about how they used to neck during the commercials? How could he pour out his heart about Shau're and Ke'ra, when he still had so many unresolved feelings for Jack? And how the hell could he even begin to get over Jack, when they lived in each other's back pockets every day?

"I know what I said about us still being friends. I'm just not sure that's really feasible at this point."

Jack had hoped that once they got here, he'd know what to say, how to be the supportive friend. Should he start off with an apology for acting like the jealous ex-lover he was? Or should he try to be big-hearted and give Daniel the 'there are other fish in the galaxy, and maybe the next one you pick won't be the Destroyer of Worlds in disguise' talk? But none of it sounded right in his head. He was so very bad at all this talking shit. "Daniel..."

"Okay, fine," Daniel spat angrily, as he turned to face Jack. "If we're being just good, supportive friends here, no, I didn't fuck Ke'ra. And before you decide that's meaningful, know this - it was only because I didn't have any condoms on me, not because I didn't want to." He resolutely folded his arms across his chest and turned back to the window. "We found... other things to do."

Jack sat motionless, his eyes stinging with angry tears he refused to shed. It was somehow so much worse to hear Daniel say out loud what Jack had suspected for the last two days. He should've been expecting it; even so, he felt like he'd just been punched in the gut. "Wow," he said softly. "That uh..." he took a breath and blew it out, but that didn't make the pain in his chest go away. "That was every bit as painful to hear as I'm sure you meant it to be."

Daniel looked at Jack's reflection in the glass and clenched his teeth; Jack really did look pained. But that was probably only his bruised ego talking, and not an indication that he actually had any real feelings left for him. How the hell was Daniel supposed to get over Jack unless they made a clean break? Jack was stubborn and hardheaded, and sometimes the only way to get through to him was to get right in his face. _Still..._  
"I-I'm sorry. I guess I should've found a more tactful way to say that," he said woodenly.

"No, no. I'm sure you meant every word of it," Jack replied, wincing as took another deep swallow of his drink. He set his glass down. "I guess was just hoping that I was wrong; that you hadn't-" He cleared his throat, managing to continue avoiding any eye contact as he leaned forward, but not managing to finish the thought. _"Damn_ it," he muttered under his breath.

"You and I weren't together anymore," Daniel said quietly, facing Jack for the first time, actually seeing the damage his words had apparently caused.

"That wasn't by _my_ choice!" Jack hissed, lunging to his feet.

Folding his arms across his chest, Daniel replied gently, "No, I know that-"

Jack couldn't make up his mind if he wanted to try to make Daniel get it, or just punch him in the nose and get the hell out. Fists clenching at his side, he decided he'd give talking a shot. He could always punch Daniel out later.

"I backed off, like you wanted. I was tryin' not to crowd you, to give ya room to grieve, for cryin' out loud! I didn't think you'd stick your dick in the first woman who walked by-"

Instinctively, Daniel unfolded his arms, reacting to Jack's clearly aggressive pose. "You don't get to play the indignant spouse, Jack; we were already finished by the time Ke'ra and I-"

"YOU were finished!" Jack corrected loudly. God _damn,_ he hurt. "Don't you DARE speak for _me,"_ he shouted, thumping his own chest.

Jack's words were confusing him; he sounded so wounded; way over the top for hurt feelings. Daniel turned away in order to gain a little distance and composure, then turned back, thumbs hooked into his pockets. "It wasn't working," he said stubbornly. "The sex was good, but we were each at a different place. We wanted different things."

"I don't think we did, Daniel," Jack frowned, still fuming, but a little more in control. "I just think you felt guilty when your wife showed up, and you ran scared." He pointed to the apartment door like Abydos lay just beyond it. "You told me we were through right on the heels of watching your wife die. I get that you felt guilty about being with me, but, hey! _Barn door..."_

Daniel hated it when Jack pushed him like this. He pressed his lips together hard, trying to hold the words back. "It wasn't just that."

"Then what?" Jack demanded, flinging his arms out and letting them drop to his sides, control be damned. He'd tried to do the noble friend bit, but Daniel'd blown that out of the water. If nothing else, Jack would finally get some answers.

"Jack-"

"TELL. ME!" Jack thundered.

"ALL RIGHT!" Daniel hollered back, stepping right up to Jack, drilling him with livid eye contact. "You want me to say it? Will that fulfill some sick need you have, to see just how far you can break me? Fine!" he growled, not giving Jack a chance to answer. "While you and I were together, I came to realize that I love you more than I _ever_ loved my wife. Are you _happy_ now? Does that do something for your massive ego?"

"What?" Jack breathed, his anger instantly deflated with shocked disbelief. He needed the last five minutes rewound, then played back at half-speed. "No, I-"

"Oh, yeah," Daniel said animatedly, as if he were proving a point in a thesis. He knew he sounded more than a little frantic, because he was _this_ close to losing it altogether. He folded his arms tightly across his chest to keep that from happening.

"Yep. It makes a lot of sense actually, if you break it down. You and I have a shared past, a common history. A solid foundation for a close relationship. Add mind-blowing sex, and it's a match made in heaven. Don't get me wrong; I loved Shau're dearly in my own way, but after the visions she gave me while Ammonet was torturing me, the good-bye kiss you and I shared in the Abydos gate room made me see just how deep my feelings for you really are."

Daniel took in Jack's stunned visage once more then closed his eyes sadly and turned away, pressing his forehead against the cool glass of his balcony door. "And what a piss-poor husband I was to her. God-" he bit his lip hard and the tears receded a bit. "She deserved _so_ much better. Now will you _please..._ just go?"

Jack was struck dumb. More than his wife? How do you measure something like that? How do you even begin to compare a marriage and an extended family, with the potential for children and grandchildren and growing old together, to what they'd found with each other every couple of weeks with all the blinds tightly drawn? It was like comparing apples and seaweed.

He took the few steps necessary to close the distance between them and laid a gentle hand on Daniel's shoulder. "Hey."

"Leave me alone, Jack," Daniel said hollowly, his breath steaming up the glass door. "You've bled me dry. What the hell more do you want from me?"

Jack squeezed Daniel's shoulder, moving in closer. There was a time for manly dissembling, and there was a time for baring your soul. He was pretty sure dissembling now would lose him everything. He hoped it wasn't too late for the soul-baring thing.

Standing behind Daniel and a little to his left, Jack sucked in a deep breath and took the plunge, fixing his stare at the middle of Daniel's shoulder. _At least Daniel was facing away from him; he wasn't sure he could do this face to face._ "I never tried to replace your wife in your heart, Daniel," he whispered. "I never imagined I could. I knew I was only keeping that spot in your bed warm for her, and that I'd have to give you up when we finally found her. I understood that I was nothing more than a stand-in, something temporary, and I really tried to look at it that way. I really, _really_ tried.

"But I started to-" his voice cracked a little, but he pushed on, "to fall in love with you. I didn't want to. I told myself I couldn't let you know how I felt, because we needed to stay focused on finding her. Keeping that part hidden from you, tucked away somewhere inside of me, was the only way I could trust myself to really look for her, when all I really wanted.-" _god, he felt petty,_ "was you all to myself.

"I never wanted you to know how I felt, 'cause I didn't wanna put you in the position of having to choose between me and her. I wouldn't've been able to take that. I love you, Daniel Jackson, every part of me loves you, but tell me it's really over, and I'll walk away right now, no harm, no foul, if that's what you really want me to do."

As Daniel watched Jack's face in the window's reflection, he saw how pained he was at having to split open the hard-assed Colonel shell and expose the tender, sweet, creamy center. Daniel wouldn't have given up seeing that for the world; it warmed his heart to see the truth of those feelings written all over Jack's face.

Daniel turned then, more quickly than Jack was prepared for, grabbing for his arms and managing to reverse their positions. He firmly pushed Jack back up against the glass balcony door, with an arm across his chest. He had no doubt that Jack could get free, but then this wasn't about force. "Say it again," he said softly, "to my face."

"Which part?" Jack nearly strangled.

Daniel merely raised an eyebrow.

Jack's heart was pounding with the surprise of the sudden physicality, coming as it had, right in the middle of his soul-baring thingy. Understanding that he could still screw this up, he decided against saying something flippant. There were a lot of things he could've said. What he settled on was a whispered, "I said, I'm in love with you."

Daniel took in the details of Jack's expression, seeing none of the sarcastic Colonel there. Moving his hands until they were resting against Jack's shoulders, he zeroed in on his lips, tilting his own face up to plant a delicate kiss on them. He kept his eyes open the entire time, so he saw when Jack closed his own.

The kiss, dry and chaste, ended, and Daniel pulled away. He re-examined Jack's expression, and then dived into a much needier, more assertive kiss that wasn't even in the same zip code as chaste, and Jack's arms came around him, crushing them together.

When they ran out of oxygen and parted, Jack rested his forehead on Daniel's, his arms keeping Daniel close. "Does this mean," he gasped out, "we're back together?"

"I'd say so, yeah."

Jack nodded, then took several deep breaths to replenish the air in his body as he held Daniel firmly away from him by the shoulders. "Gotta go over one other thing before we get too carried away."

"God, no," Daniel said, "I just wanna get you naked," his hands already moving against Jack's sides.

"I appreciate that, but this is important."

"More important than making love to me?"

"Yeah," Jack nodded. "I need to know that I can trust you."

"Jack-"

"I'm serious, Daniel. I'm not talking about Shau're. You lost her the day she was snaked, then you had most of three years to get used to the idea."

"Then what...?" Daniel's jaw hardened. "You're gonna hold Ke'ra over my head?"

Jack grimaced, like he'd smelled something awful. "You didn't fuck her, but you found 'other things to do'? Are ya proud of that?"

Daniel pulled away, putting space between them. "It was a rebound thing."

"Yeah, so?"

"And she wanted me-"

"Daniel, half the _base_ wants you. You're able to brush everybody off so politely they never even realize they've been told no. How was this different?"

Daniel shrugged, looking away. "She kissed me. Touched me. I just needed..."

"Yeah?"

"God! Are you really gonna make me say it?"

Jack's gaze softened, but he nodded. "Yeah."

"Fine," Daniel snapped sullenly. "I needed to get the memory of you off me, okay? Every moment of every day since I let you go, I've been tormented, remembering. The touch of your hands, the taste of your skin. Knowing I couldn't have you the way I needed to. I was plagued by the scent of you, the touch of your hair on my chest, everywhere I went. I couldn't seem to get away from you. Do you know how many showers I've taken since we got back from Abydos?"

Jack nodded as if he understood, but didn't move any closer. He'd suspected Daniel had let Ke'ra happen just to punish him. Maybe to punish them both. "Did being with her help you get rid of me?" he asked quietly.

"I thought it might. I hoped. I was desperate; I didn't know what else to do to get over you. "I've never-"

"You could've come to me," Jack said sadly. "No matter what, Daniel, we will _always_ be friends, and you can _always_ come to me." He held out his arms, and Daniel moved into them, laying his cheek on Jack's shoulder.

After a few moments, Jack whispered, "I'm so sorry, Danny..."

Daniel picked his head up and asked, "Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

Jack shrugged. "I haven't been a very good friend, if you didn't already know that beyond a shadow of a doubt."

He couldn't imagine why Jack was giving him a second chance, when he'd been such an ass, but he wasn't going to complain. "Not your fault; I think maybe I just forgot. Friends first."

Jack shrugged as he cupped Daniel's cheek. "Friends first. So do we have a deal, then?"

Daniel relaxed into the gentle pressure of the warm hand. "Deal?"

With the most serious expression Daniel had seen on Jack's face since the day they'd met, Jack took Daniel's face in both hands, stroking his cheeks gently with his thumbs. "I'm an old-fashioned kinda guy, Danny. I can't handle all these newfangled open relationships; I'm not wired that way. If it's gonna be you and me, then that's all it's gonna be. No one else, for either of us, ever again. There's no sharing at all. Ever."

"That sounds..."

Jack scrunched his eyes tight, and then opened them guardedly. "I sure hope we're on the same page here, 'cause it's a real deal breaker for me."

"You're demanding exclusivity?"

"Damn right. I don't ever wanna have to worry about that. I want to know you're mine, and I'm yours. Period."

Daniel smiled slyly and tugged Jack to him by his belt. "Does this ultimatum come with an expensive ring?" he whispered.

Jack was taken aback at the question. Then, with a rush of nauseous tension, he realized that's what they were really talking about. And even though he'd never envisioned going there again with ANYone, much less a trouble magnet like Daniel Jackson, right at this moment he really wished he could. "I can't ever give you a ring, at least until Uncle Sam spits me back out," Jack replied, his voice roughened by emotion, "and you know I'm not great with fancy words. All I can give you is me. If that's not-"

Daniel pressed a finger to Jack's lips to save them both from the sap. "I get it," he whispered. "It is enough. And I want that, too." He grinned at Jack's goofy smile and kissed him to seal the deal. "Naked now?" he asked hopefully.

"I thought you'd never ask," Jack replied, grabbing Daniel's ass with both hands and diving back in for another kiss. He wasn't used to the terrain of Daniel's apartment, and he kept getting turned around every time he closed his eyes for a really good kiss. He thought he'd been heading them for the couch, but- damn. There was the coffee table again.

"Hey, I asked," Daniel argued, "you kept on talking."

"Needed to get all the important stuff outta the way before my brain went stupid." Daniel was un-tucking Jack's shirt from his jeans, and Jack could feel stupid coming on fast.

"You're still talking, so I must be doing something wrong," Daniel smirked into another kiss.

Jack needed a damn compass, or they were both gonna break their necks. "Speaking of talking," he said, eyeing the armchair for the third? time as Daniel managed to get Jack's shirt completely off. "I had to have 'the talk' with Carter and Teal'c, y'know."

"Ooh," Daniel winced as he finished walking Jack down the short hall. He got the bedroom door open with a gentle back kick, then towed Jack inside by his belt. "I'm really sorry about that."

Jack grinned as Daniel continued to drag him toward the bed. "No you're not."

He sat on the side of the bed and pulled Jack in between his legs. "No, I'm really not," he admitted truthfully as Jack's jeans miraculously came open and bunched around his knees. "How'd it go?"

As the air hit Jack's erection, his dick seemed to home in on Daniel's waiting mouth as his hands balanced on his shoulders and his eyes closed. "Oh, myyyyy."

After one firm slurp, Daniel let Jack's dick slip free and chuckled. "Jack? Sam and Teal'c - how'd it go?"

"Huh?" Jack swallowed hard, trying to gather at least a few of his wits. "Oh. Kinda hot, actually, in a completely humiliating high school kinda way." He toed off his shoes and stepped out of his jeans, then knelt on the bed, pulling Daniel down after him, kissing, enjoying the solid weight of him, determined to get him naked as soon as possible.

Straddling Jack's hips, Daniel pulled his own shirt off over his head. "I'm sorry I missed it."

Jack helped with Daniel's pants, and there was glorious mutual nudity in no time. "That's okay, you can be the one to tell them we're back together. I'm sure Carter's gonna want all the sordid details."

Daniel's end of the day stubble scratched the corners of Jack's mouth and under his bottom lip as they kissed. He knew he'd be rubbed raw in several places by morning, earlier at the rate they were going, and he loved it.

He could just imagine the look on Carter's face. "Holy Hannah, is that whisker burn, sir?"

**Author's Note:**

> As always, many thanks to Jude for her insight and priceless contributions. And the grammar thingy. All remaining mistakes are entirely my own.


End file.
